I am interested in knowing if any of you know of any devoted and active Mormon women who suffered abuse in the form of beating or abuse in any other type of way such as financial deprivation or verbal abuse.If a mormon husband was the wage or salary earner for the family and the wife was a domestic stay at home mother without her own income,then the husband can deprive his wife of spending money for herself and her children.

I want to know if any women here experienced problems in this way with an active Mormon husband who was regarded by his bishop or other mormons as a worthy member who attended Mormon temples and held high callings.

Have any women here or others you know of,complain to their bishop or stake president for help in such a matter and not recieve the help you expected or needed?Did bishops or stake presidents continue to ignore complaints from an abused wife and continue to allow the abusing husband to be regarded as a good practising church member and have a temple recommend to participate in Mormon temple rituals and be elevated to higher positions within the church?

One of the things I hated mosts about TSCC. When I was RS Pres I got to know a very young woman in the ward, 21 ish, who was constantly abused by her husband. He had affairs, was violent to her, in front of their children, including pushing her down the stairs, was endlessly critical and bullying. She had to call the military cops on him once. And you know who the ward blamed for this. Yes, her!

She did everything she could to please him, she was slim, pretty, perfectly groomed, the house was spotless, she was obedient and submissive and still abuse continued. She tried asking her Utah parents for help and they told her that she had married in the temple so she had to get on with it and please her husband. An impossible task.

She was condemned in the ward when she called the cops on her husband, apart from me and OH and one other man the only things I ever heard was that she should work harder at pleasing her husband.

The Bishop also counselled her the same, telling her that if she didn't want her husband to hit her she shouldn't make him angry.

I did what I could to support and encourage her but at that time she unfortunately was believing what everyone else told her, that she was at fault. Eventually they moved to a different base. I always worried about her, but after some years she got in touch. She had seen bishops and lds counsellors in their various wards and always got the same old answer. Eventually she saw a non-lds counsellor who advised her to get out of the marriage before the guy killed her. She did.

She has had a happy life since, no thanks to tscc. Don't know how her parents can live with themselves.

In my experience, both personal and knowledge of others there is no help with an abusive spouse especially if that spouse is a card carrying tbm.

I could go on and on with more tales of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints colluding with abusers of women and children, but this post is long enough.

Not a wife, but a child.

A former BF of my DD. His father was physically and verbally abusive. As the oldest son, he seemed to be the particular target.

When his oldest sister left home, she reported the abuse to the bishop who asked the boy to come and see him. The bishop began the interview with "I am looking into your sister's allegations but you should know that if I find that these claims are true then I will have to take away your father's TR. That means he will lose his job at BYU. That will mean real financial difficulty for your SAHM and your siblings."

What was this poor kid supposed to say? He denied the allegations and things continued on as before until BF got big enough and brave enough to hit back.

My ex was a counselor in the stake Pres. when I divorced him for emotional, verbal and yes, the beginnings of physical abuse. I asked for help from my Bishop and Stake President. What followed was a witch hunt perpetuated on me. This priesthood abuse went all the way up to the area President.
I was also released from all my callings as I was told that I was no longer a proper example to the Relief Society sisters.....while my ex, who also had a restraining order against him was allowed to continue in his Stake Pres. calling which included visiting a different ward each Sunday and giving a lecture on "Marriage".
My ex was never called upon to be accountable for the failure of his marriage let alone the abuse that contributed to the failure.

that he also was married in the Temple only 4 months after our divorce was final.

My Niece's story is very similar to what happened to the young woman in European Veiw's story.

She was married to a man that they knew had a past history of less than savory behavior, but he convinced everyone that he was repentant and wouldn't be the same in the future. They were married in the temple and the abuse started very soon after that. It was physical, emotional and monetary.

She went to the Bishop and other members of the church for help and was given the, "you aren't trying hard enough" and "it's a temple marriage so work harder" speeches. In other words, blame the victim.

Fortunately, she has a good strong family who helped her out if it. They got divorced and she was out. Sadly the abuse from the church didn't stop. They took the side of her ex. She wanted to go to a singles ward in another city because the people were more her age. They told her no, so she attended two wards every sunday so she could stay in good standing.

Eventually, she started dating again and the members of the church shunned her, some called her a slut. She started to go inactive and that didnt help her standing in the church. She found a guy who treated her like a princess, but was a non- member. Soon, she was pregnant, but because they did love each other, they got married almost right away. Using "evidence" from her Facebook account, the Bishop excommunicated her... She had been a full tithe payer, and at one point was attending two wards to stay in good standing... There were other members of the same ward that had children out of wedlock, who were not excommunicated,but she was somehow "flaunting" her dating life on Facebook and that was the reason.

This experience was the start of my discovering the truth about ther church, if an ordained leader could be so wrong, what else is the church wrong about. Her parents also left the church, and my niece's non-member husband was flabbergasted that a church would treat a member like that...

While the church does not actively promote the abuse of women, it's practices and teachings do not lend them elves to helping when it does happen.

complained to the Bishop about being abused. I believe he told her to obey and bake dear hubby a pie.

"While the church does not actively promote the abuse of women, it's practices and teachings do not lend them elves to helping when it does happen."

That missing "s" made "them elves" pretty darn funny! ;>)

I'm quoting this because I think the church actually DOES actively promote abuse. We could probably debate the finer points of that all day...

Stupid elves. :D

Her husband cheated on her several times--while holding callings like counselor in the bishopric. She forgave him several times. After the kids were raised and he cheated again, she left him. The church leaders wouldn't give her a TR because she wouldn't forgive him--but he was able to get a TR. Believe it or not, she is still a member and this has been 10 to 15 years ago.

When she moved into a new ward some years later, the bishop called her in immediately and handed her a TR--told her he was disgusted with how she had been treated.

One of my friends had three little kids, all 18 mos apart.

The husband seemed nice enough during courtship but of course that's when most people put their best foot forward.

Sure enough, she was home all day struggling with the kids while he put in long hours at church and work.
He could never find time for her or the kids.

When she went to the bishop and mentioned her chronic major depression he told her she was SELFISH.

Mormon bishops are useless and certainly not up to the job of giving halfways decent counsel to anyone.

I have a friend who was married to an abuser and tolerated him for over ten years. After she eventually reached a point where she wanted to divorce him, her bishop told her to not give up on her husband and that if they only pray together and read scriptures together, all will be fine. I was furious when I heard that! And her husband wasn't even TR holder or had any important callings.

Now, I'm not 100% sure but I think the CHI somewhere says that bishops should not recommend a divorce.

On the other side of things, most abusers are at least two-faced if not psychopats. They show their aggression at homes to their helpless wives and kids but can play their coworkers and other social acquaintances and be the most jovial, fun people. I don't want to defend the guilty bishops but it may be hard to believe that the accused is capable of something like this if you only know his "good face." It's not an excuse, because victims should always be given a voice. It's awful because a trained counselor knows this ... a random guy called 'the father of the ward' that thinks he got all the inspiration he needs to rule them all has no clue. It's even worse when they do know and ignore it.

My ex grew up in a very dysfunctional home where his father physically and verbally abused his mother. I've heard from more than one source that it got so bad that even other TBMs, including the mother's own ultra-TBMs living in the heart of Utah, were telling her to get out of there with the kids and at least separate temporarily.
She never did. Thanks to at least one bishop, probably more than one, who told her the same shit countless other women have been told: to stay with the psycho.
I lost all respect for the man who told her that when I found out who it was; should've realized the so-called priesthood was complete bullshit then and there, but it took many more years before the message finally reached me.
My ex wasn't physically abusive like his dad was to his mom, but I was a convenient scapegoat for his constant self-loathing and verbal abuse. The Mormon cult effs people up to an almost unfathomable degree. Thankfully things have improved quite a bit for my former in-laws.....an old leopard managed to change a few spots and mellowed considerably once grandchildren and older, more introspective years came along.
And thanks to medication and counseling that came years too late to help us, my ex remarried and he and I have a much healthier relationship now.
I'll say this: any help, any self-awareness and progress towards a healthy, happy life of healing and recovery comes NOT from the Mormon cult, but from shedding its toxic and sometimes life-long effects. Whatever superficial benefits it may hold for seemingly happy TBMs who never question 'the gospel'(or the supposedly 'inspired' men who are often directly complicit in the damage done) are entirely outweighed by the morass of wreckage strewn alongside the iron rod for thousands of fruitless miles on the road to nowhere.