I lived through my first week of teaching. I figured out I am teaching 24 classes of different kids a week at two different campuses. Brutal. But so far I am loving it, I seem to be doing very well. The kids are great so far.

However, I seem to be having a difficult time adjusting to being a working mother. My daughter is going to preschool every day, and being picked up by my dear friend who keeps her until I get off. I missed dropping off my kids for their first day of school. I still have not even met my daughter's new teacher. I have to leave too early in the morning, I don't get to do her hair every day anymore. (She has the longest, most beautiful hair you have ever seen on a preschooler.)

My son had a checkup Friday that I thought I was going to be able to make. I found out at 9:45 the night before that there was a mandatory meeting I had to go to, and would not make it to pick him up from school or take him to the appointment. I thought Fridays would be the day I would get to pick up my kids and spend time with them, as I get off earlier. It is not looking like it.

Mr. Piper was able to adjust his schedule and gets the kids ready in the morning and drops them off. He is picking up all of the slack he can, and even took time off to help take my son to his appointment. He is being great.

My problem is that I am exhausted at the end of the day and I feel like I completely dropped off the map. I am still doing homework for college as well. I feel like my kids went from having a full time mom to no mom at all. I couldn't stop crying Friday morning, feeling so upset about the meeting totally annihilating the careful plans I had made to be able to pick up my kids and run all my errands, make the appointment, bring cupcakes to my son's class, etc. I felt so overwhelmed, and I just didn't know if I could make it. I pulled it together to get ready and out the door, but as I was driving my mom called, and I broke down on the phone. I miss my life. I miss being able to be there for my family, and I hate having their schedules totally revolving around other people, being shuffled around as if I don't exist.

Mr. Piper told me that he knows the feeling, and that it is upsetting for him to have to miss things that happen because of work. That did not make me feel better, I just feel like he is not the mom. It is just different. I don't know if it is this hard for all working mothers, or just an adjustment period, or guilt associated with the Mormon crap. But I hate having everyone else have to do things that used to be MY job. I don't know if that even makes sense. Is this normal? Does it get better? My mom says that my kids are fine, and it is just me who feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. Is she right?

She was a determined person and didn't shy from hard work. She also was not one to give up easily.

Nevertheless, with so many different classes and a total of around 350 students, she felt the same way after the first week that you do—teary, exhausted, and overwhelmed. It wasn't just a bit too much, it was way, way over the top too much for just one person. She gave notice and left at the end of the second week, collapsing in exhaustion.

I know that with teaching, it takes time to get to know one's class and to develop a rapport with the students. When there are so many different classes in so many different students, it is not possible to do this. This makes the job for a music teacher far more stressful and exhausting than it is for someone who teaches the same total number of hours per week but who has far fewer students to get to know.

You have a family and college homework as well? SOMETHING has got to give. Part-time music teaching might work for you, but not the full-time job on top of everything else in your life.

“My mom says that my kids are fine, and it is just me who feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. Is she right?” Say WHAT? What does it matter if your kids are fine if YOU have been upset and crying and if YOU feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest, Piper? If YOU feel that way, pay attention! Your instincts are telling you that this set-up is too much for you and/or wrong for you. You must make whatever changes are needed in order to have a workload you can sustain in balance with the amount of time you feel you need in order to be a good mother for your children.

No woman can be a good mother if she feels miserable, regardless of the reasons causing her misery. Don't let others tell you what you should do or how you should feel. Instead, listen to what your *own* heart is telling you and make changes accordingly.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes!

You're still trying to do it all and you just can't. The first month of school is always NUTS. I always tell my friends that I'm "going dark" for a few weeks. By mid-to late September you'll start to feel like you have a handle on things. But DO NOT schedule doctor appointments or anything else before then. You *can't* do anything extra right now. Let those things go.

Teachers' dirty little secret: once things settle down, you are going to use your personal day(s) and sick days to deal with family matters. Doing that in your first year may be difficult since you are still accruing sick leave. But that's how all of us make it work. You can generally split up a personal day into halves and use those as needed (i.e. just take the afternoon off.)

Exhaustion and teaching go hand in hand. Some days and weeks you'll be relatively fine, and other days and weeks will be brutal. There are days when the minute I get home I *must* sleep. So I'll sleep from say, 5-7 PM and get up, make dinner, etc. and then go to sleep again. I call it "split sleep," and I know other teachers that do it as well.

Try to figure out a regular schedule to do homework, lesson plans, etc. Realize that weekend time will be involved. Teaching is a particularly demanding career, especially for working mothers. You are looking at 50-60 hours a week or more. The first year is overwhelming by default. You may want to give some thought to cutting back to part time if you can do so. And Mr. Piper is going to have to do a lot more than just pick up some of the slack. He is going to have to help with the cleaning, cooking, etc. as well. It will never be 50/50 exactly, but remember that you are *both* working full time right now.

Teachers don't meet most moms until back-to-school night anyway. No worries. Just make sure that your kids' teachers have your email and cell phone number. And kids tend to adapt pretty well, so realize that it's probably tougher on you than it is on them.

Also -- many new teachers cry frequently in the first year or two. One of our newbie teachers cried just about every day last year. It's normal to feel overwhelmed. Just hang in there! Remember that I said if you're still standing at the end of the year, it counts as a win? ;-)

Keep checking back in, Piper. I've been following your progress with interest. We're here for you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/14/2011 04:51PM by summer.

Hi Piper,

I do not know how it feels to be a working mom, but I can symphatize with you and I'm glad you can come here and vent! It helps.

I do however, understand about your first year teaching and going to college. It's tough. I've been teaching for 12 years now and have gotten my masters while doing it and am working on my docotorate. It is tiring. You will come home exhausted. There are times you will have to stay late and get there early for meetings and what not. Not helping yet am I? But it gets better. The first few weeks are the toughest, but I promise it gets easier. The routine will come. The stuff that you find out you have to do the night before or in many instances minutes before, well the frustration starts to roll off your back. Give it a few weeks and the teaching and exhaustion will get much better. Teaching is hard, it's thankless, and people don't respect it, but I love it so I'm still doing it. I think once you get used to teaching and the hard work involved you will also feel less stress at home with your family.

I think you need a period of adjustment to being a working mom. Of course it's new to you and the kids and of course you worry about your kids and not spending time with them, you're a mom! You're suppossed to. I think in the long run, your childen will be respect you and admire you for working and going to college.

Good Luck to you sweetie! I am sending positive thoughts your way. And remember, it's okay to feel frustrated and tired. I'ts okay to vent. And remember that you are a great mom. No matter what, you're a great mom!

Someone told me it takes at least three weeks for our mind and body to adjust to a different routine/schedule. That was sure true for me!

I only worked full time for a short time, but I worked part time off and on for many years.

Reading your OP, reminded me of something I tried to remember: when your plate is too full, something is going to fall off. In your case, it sounds like you have people willing to pick up what falls off ...."your" plate.

I learned early on that if I was going to work (the kids were in school) I had to learn to delegate --- other people,hubby, older kids, neighbor/friend etc, could pick up the slack when needed and be OK with that. I soon realized I couldn't do everything all by myself or be everywhere at the same time.

This is your life, your choices, you are the one to set the priorities and decide how to use that 24 hours in the day.
Sure, you'll be frustrated, overwhelmed, tired, etc. at times.
It's just part of the life you chose.

You'll need to have your "down" time -- when you can regroup, reorganize, and renew.
Usually, it all get easier with time. People around you will adjust to your new schedule. Some more easily than others.

Hang in there. It gets better! :-)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/14/2011 05:30PM by SusieQ#1.

It's funny, I feel like I am handling the job part really well so far, as far as dealing with the hundreds of kids and such. :) It is the being away from my kids and such that is hard.

I've been supermom, and it is hard for me to realize that I don't get to continue to be supermom and super teacher at the same time. I appreciate your support and kind words of encouragement. :)

piper Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I've been supermom, and it is hard for me to realize that I don't get to continue to be supermom and super teacher at the same time.

I want you to realize that you're not going to be "super teacher" as well. The teaching profession is full of people who are used to doing well in school. We want to be at the top of our game. *But* teaching, done well, is very time-intensive. As I said, even to do an average, professional job is probably going to take from 50-60 hours or more. I think my first two years I put in 65-70 hours a week. The super teachers? It's their job AND their hobby. They literally do little else. Is that really what you want? Didn't think so. Your goal will be to do your job well but to also enjoy time with your family.

What are your assignments this year (elementary/middle/high school?)

NO matter what it is. I used to feel the way you are talking about the first week of school every new year (when I was a student). The first day of my senior year of high school, I got home from school and laid down and went to sleep and slept from 3:30 to the next morning.

I'm going through my own adjustment period right now. I've lived in this house for 26 years raising my kids. I've started living part of the time with my boyfriend in another state. He can't seem to understand why I'm anxious to get home . . . after being there for 4 weeks. UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! I'd like to see him try it.

I went back to work when my kids were 10 months old 2 evenings a week. I'd get home and look at them in their cribs and think I was doing them a disservice. Actually, it helped their relationship with their dad and I got a break.

Give it time. Think of it this way--if it doesn't get better, you don't have to keep doing it this way. Don't ever think of it as no way out. You can always change things in the future.

Just sit down and explain to the children that work helps to give you all the things they like and that sometimes your work asks you to do work when you want to do things with them ..

I had a work away from the home scenario monday to thursday and I phoned them every morning and night. I really let them know I was working for them and the things they liked.

JB

I worked from before my kids were born until I retired in 2005. My jobs during that time were nowhere near as challenging as teaching (I admit that!), but I worked full-time. At one job, I worked 45 miles away from home. Both kids were under five, and my husband was active duty Army. Some times he'd be gone for weeks at at time. And then there was the period he was in the hospital for deep-fat frying his hand. I'd get up, get on the hamster wheel, and run like crazy until I collapsed at night. My son had constant ear infections then, so I'd be the one who would have to take off work and haul him to the doctor. One time while waiting to be seen, I started talking to the lady next to me, and ended up spilling my guts all over the floor. She looked at me in amazement, and said, "How do you do it?" I told her, "What else can I do?"

You do what you must. You cut corners where you can, and you just plow ahead. Looking back, sometimes I wonder HOW DID I do it?

When you are standing in that manure pile, and you've got kids, responsibilities, and a job, you just DO IT.

Today, I look at my two grown kids, and I see how AMAZING they are! And I think, "Yeah, it was worth it."

It won't last forever. It sure SEEMS like it now, but it really won't.

(PS: Seriously, I'd get your daughter a really, really CUTE haircut!)


~VOW

I am feeling more on top of things this week. My classes seem to be going really well. I am doing 22 short classes k-8 once time week each and high school band and choir 5 days.

I have figured out that if I am ready even 10 minutes earlier, I have time to pack lunch for my kids. That small thing makes me feel like I am doing something for my kids still.

Mr. Piper is doing great on my daughter's hair. I usually keep it braided so it doesn't tangle, so I braid it at night, then he just has to comb it out and rebraid in the morning. We have a name for each hair style I do. She will tell me which princess she wants to look like, I make up a hairdo that looks like it. She told my friend who was watching her that she wanted a "Jessie" braid, my friend had no idea what that was. (like Jessie in Toy Story.) That made me a little sad, but I explained to her what it meant so she can do it.

i have a few suggestions that have worked for me:

1-screw the housework. seriously. my DH & I split jobs and the kids do stuff as well but the important stuff gets done, Our home is no longer a museum piece but it's reasonably clean, sanitary, comfy, and we still have plenty of family time. I grew up in a museum squeaky clean home & honestly, 90% of my childhood memories are of cleaning cleaning and more cleaning or yelling about cleaning. :(

2-my daughter has gorgeous hair & i dont get to do it everyday for school either. (i work nights and i sleep until 10-12noon.) it still bothers me but i have worked out a solution: i do her hair whenever i feel like it. I dont care if we are just going to bed in a hour, i fix it really pretty & admire it until bedtime. I fix it to go to the pool, yes it will get wet & messy but i can enjoy it until then. Last sat we ate donuts & sat around in our pajamas but her hair was beautifully coiffed and DH&I (and DD) enjoyed it. i still feel the silly mom guilt but it's getting better. so fix your daughter a Jessie braid for walking to the mailbox or vacuuming, not just school.

3-let go of guilt. (this one is hard) we have some total crazy nazi mommy *itches in the PTA & they are just like the total TBM mollies hopped up on antidepressants and miserable. they also spend their time trying to make me feel guilty. screw em. some of our guilt is also mormon based and culturally based. that needs to go too.

give everything a few weeks to see if it settles and if it doesnt then consider cutting your hours back if you can afford it. the choice of working outside the home & how much is a personality thing. some people love it, some hate it, some like parttime, they're all ok. hugs!!

Give yourself time. It takes a while to get into a routine.

Give yourself room--to make mistakes, to get frustrated, to mourn the loss of some of the little things that you have had to give up, and to make space in your life for new things. Like watching your little students grow a little each day.

Give yourself some credit. You have raised your little ones this far--they will be fine. You going to work will allow them to discover their own independence. Foster that by teaching them to help out more with household chores--they need to know this stuff, you need the break, and the whole family will have their time freed up to enjoy the fun stuff.

Also, please don't sell Mr Piper short saying he doesn't understand about missing out on stuff because he's not the mom. Yes, he does. He's the dad.

Thanks nwmcare. I would just like to add that Piper is and has always been my rock. She has been my motivation since my freshman year of high school and she continues to motivate and support me today.

In life we do not always get the chance to payback those that have made your life what is has become. I am lucky enough that I can support Piper entirely. This is her dream!

Piper is the best mommy in the world. With her infinite patience, intellegence, and incomparable beauty she makes every situation worth living....

I agree that time will make all better. This academic year is the one and only year that our crazy schedule is a must. Next year, both the kiddos will be at the same school making it an easier schedule.

Thanks for supporting Piper! She really is something special...

Yep, we can spew forth all kinds of support but the support she needs most (and has by all appearances) is your support. Kudos to you. Most men don't pitch in like that.

Just sayin'...

Ron

You are doing great! As I told you this morning, I could not do this without all of your support. You are the greatest!

P.S. Wish you were here. ;)

Aw.... that was sweet.