I'm shamelessly stealing this idea from someone. I believe it was Raptor..

Anyway, I'll start with "Do not cast your 'pearls' before appraisers"

You can fool some of the people all of the time, you can fool all of the people some of the time...and that's usually enough to keep the money coming in.

+1

Proclamation to the World.
We solemnly proclaim that marriage is between a man and a woman and a woman and a women and a woman and is ordained of God

If at first you don't succeed... cheat
Every cloud has some rain
It's always darkest before you open your eyes
Every member a weirdo cultist

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is probably not for you.

This is a real quote by L. Neil Smith (sci-fi author)

I'm tired of being lied to by government, by the media, and by every corporation I have anything to do with.

When in trouble
when in doubt
run in circles,
scream and shout dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit

I couldn't belong to any organization that would accept YOU as a member.

Ask not what your Ward can do for you, but what you can do for your ward

We have nothing to fear but...stray asteroids, spiders, monsters..

I think, therefore I stink.

No success in life can compensate for failure in the home
Prophet David O McKay 1962


No success in public life can compensate for failure in the home.
Benjamin Disraeli 1848





If any of ye lack wisdom let him ask of google

Give a man an inch...and he thinks he's a ruler.

(Stolen from an episode of 'Get Smart')

If you love something let it go, but don't be surprised when it comes back with herpes.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you will be one mile away, and you will have their shoes.

"You can lead a horse to water,
but only a pencil can be lead.

Oliver Hardy.

"Viola"

save a lot of money on therapy."

"A goal that is not written down is only a wish."

Kimball was the prophette when I was a missionary, so this quote was hammered down on us all the time.

As a missionary having seen numerous missionaries (myself included) write down goals (baptism goals, etc.) that never would and never could be achieved, I always added a second clause everytime I heard that quote. I made it into a couplet, so to speak.

"A goal that is not written down is only a wish...and a goal that is written down is only a written wish (so grow up and stop looking for guidance in the simple-minded formulas handed to you by brainless old farts pretending to be prophets)."

The part in parentheses came after my mission. ;o)

ok this isn't really what you are talking about but I think it's funny....
When my sister was going through her divorce (he's a cheater, and she could only deal with it so many times) her ex left her a message on the machine which included the term "defecation of character"

"wait...did he just say that?"
"he means defamation of character"
"I think he means poop"

I'm sure when she turned the tape of all the nasty messages he left to her lawyer he and his colleagues all got a good laugh!

On Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer: Of all the beers I've had, this is definitely one of them.

Patrick (mosh pit) Henry: Give me liberty or give me Def Leppard.

Gordon Hinckley: We had a little couplet, As God hath done, so might man become, or something.

Richard Nixon: I want you to get that #$@%^# and hang him up by the *&%#$ and shove freedom of the press right up his %#$!

Joseph Smith: Same as above.

Heard this on the radio "give me ambiguity, or give me something else"

Behind every great man is a great woman. And behind her is a really suprised mother-in-law.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. No use being a damn fool about it.

Outside a dog, a book is mans best friend. Inside a dog it's too dark to read.

I heard this one yesterday:

"Everything in front of the tail is bull."

Eagles may well soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

Ron

Oh, and this gem from Dot Parker:

"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

Ron