Way back when I was a cranky teen, my mother wanted me to help clean the house in preparation for a party. She wanted the entire house spic and span, not just the areas guests would see. (Looking back, I think it was just her excuse for cleaning the whole house.) As I was helping her rearrange a storage room in the basement I asked if, when she visited other people's homes, if she snooped around, looking for something wrong.

"No, of course not. But I know others do."

That's one of the big ideas of Mormonism, isn't it? God and everyone else is watching your every move, ready (and eager?) to find fault. In a subculture obsessed with perfection, you're going to have people who know they're not perfect looking for the imperfection of others so they don't feel like such failures themselves. And that makes them doubly suspicious others are doing the same thing to them. That's a hard way to live.

Another time, I was about to leave the house in ratty jeans and a faded T-shirt. She demanded I change because, "What sort of parents will people think you have that would let you dress like that?"

I replied, "If they know you, they know you're good people. And if they don't know you, why would you care what they think?"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2011 12:11PM by Stray Mutt.

I was just mentioning something similar to my kids last night. Watch what a person's pet peeves are and you can get a good idea of what their insecurities are. For example, Bishop Jackwagon is always pointing out people who are losers - for not coming to church, for not getting their merit badges done in Scouts, for driving a beat-up truck. You can pretty much guess that inside, he feels like a loser too. And my friend "Alissa" who is always pointing out how uneducated someone's comment or opinion is...I know she is upset she never even finished junior college because she decided to follow the morg plan of teen marriage and quick motherhood. She desperately wants to go back to school but 5 kids later and over $100,000 in her husband's student loan debt, she's not going to be getting an education any time soon.

What you said about Mormonism follows. It's impossible to achieve the sort of perfection Mormonism demands so if you are always pointing out others failures, it's because you are failing to live up to the perfect person you've been taught you need to be and are feeling like a failure because of it. Good observation, Stray Mutt.

My pet peeve is being late or waiting for someone who is making me late. I hate waiting because it's such a waste of time. I could be doing something useful or productive with that time. I also think it's disrespectful when other people value themselves and their time more than yours. I am considerate of other people and do not make them wait for me; I expect the same respect in return.

So what's my insecurity?

:>)

Not that he's inconsiderate, he's just a very poor time manager. I've got into the habit of telling him that events are an hour earlier than they really are.

I unfortunately can identify with CAgirl's friend...I need to get my butt back to college.

think now and I'm an apostate adulteress agnostic. I just don't give a damn.

BUT I worked for a long time before I got married and I told my "ex" I never wanted to be a typical mormon mom (once I had some exposure to the real world and loved it)--but then you have twins and you quit your real-world job and you go to church every Sunday (and every other day) with a bunch of SAHM (mormon--the operative term here). I'd walk with ladies pushing our babies and they'd say things like "In my house we are not allowed to say shut up." "My MIL can eat a WHOLE WHOPPER (from BK) I can't even eat a half." I'd always say something like, "I say shut up all the time, so if my kids do, I can't punish them." These women drove me batty.

BUT I'd be riding my bike (with kids in bike cart) and realize my windows didn't look quite as clean as her's, and her's, and her's. Or my kids still had bottles at church and others didn't--so I took my kids off the bottle and then I saw kids with bottles their age at church. I knew they were all watching. YOU JUST KNOW. Mormon women (all women for the most part) are pretty mean to each other.

Me--when people smoke at my house--I tell them to smoke out in front. When I bring in alcohol, I make sure they see the brown paper bag or take it out of the bag . . . when I shop on Sunday, I proudly take in the bags. I don't really think about it much anymore--but I know we are watched . . . and it is so nice to be FREE. I really do pitty those women who live on either side of me in Utah with 4 very small kids each.

I dropped in on a Christian friend one day to bring her some banana bread I had baked (she was going through some "tough stuff") Her house was not very tidy and what she said, as she invited me in was priceless. "If you keep your eyes on the Lord, you won't notice the dust in my corners!" I just gave her a great big hug and we enjoyed warm bread and conversation.
We miss SO much when we choose to judge others!

...when your eyes are on the computer screen. I have evidence of that.

"Mormonism is the church of finding fault in others so you feel better about yourself."

Very true.

I have noticed that this judgmental mindset seems to follow SAHM culture where ever you find it. I am not saying that SAHM''s are bad, just that when you get them in a group, the cattiest ones seem to try to run the show.

I joined Parenting Magazine on Facebook. The comments that people leave are very telling.

"Women who aren't SAHM's shouldn't be allowed to have parenting blogs"
"People who let their kids ride carnival rides are bad parents"
And my favorite: "I didn't get stretch marks because I believe in god"

On Facebook in general, there are a few women who seem to have nothing better to do than try to out parent the other women "My daughter was potty trained at 18 months and is taking ballet and French classes..." (at the age of 2).



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2011 01:53PM by moroniandcheese.

My family had relocated to Utah, converts from the evil eastern half of the US, and were pretty liberal mormons for our day. Far from being perfect I used to think that we were an incredibly dysfunctional family (I now realize that we were pretty normal and that lots of other families had us beat by miles - but thats another thread).

Anyway, we were - and still are - a pretty pragmatic bunch. We would always get a kick out of the number of people from our ward who would comment upon visiting our house that they felt that they were in the celestial room whenever visitng us. We were bemused, to say the least. Usually my father would be taking out his employment frustrations on us kids or the kids would be taking out their frustrations on each other. I myself spent most of the time in the bathroom. Anyway, we were a normal family but hardly celestial room material.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2011 02:06PM by kookoo4kokaubeam.

I think my mother believed there were some kind of people out there, unknown to her, that could/would somehow have an impact on her life. I think it came from tales of mysterious strangers entering people's lives, either as benefactors or punishers. And it might have been because of rampant gossip. Someone who knows someone who knows someone might see me dressed badly, etc. But when your religion believes in invisible beings constantly watching, silent notes taking, making entries in your permanent record, it's only a short step to thinking your fellow humans are doing the same.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2011 03:41PM by Stray Mutt.

When we were having company, I would get the kids to work, dusting, sweeping, cleaning out the corners. Of course, like your mother, maybe it was a good excuse for getting the work done. But, wouldn't you rather have a clean house when people come to visit? My son would always grumble, "If they are your friends, they wouldn't care if you have fingerprints on the walls." Etc.

He had a point, but that line of reasoning didn't get very far with me! Sorry, Stray Mutt. I guess I'm like your mother!!!

:)

especially if they are staying for a few days. I say, get it in the best shape possible before the mess begins.