A few years back I attended a class led a man who turned out to be a bishop. He chased me relentlessly. Bragged about sinning and then giving blessings with no problem. Called himself, "the devil". My bad for being such a broken, depressed housewife that I found myself enjoying the attention. While nothing "happened" I did fancy myself in love and the guilt from that was a stick I beat myself with for a long time.

I don't feel guilty anymore. I feel saved. He opened my eyes and I thank him. Poor b@stard is still serving in the church. Still sprouting the party line and pretending for his family and his social standing. Desperately cheating on himself, if you ask me. I no longer think of him often or fancy that I love him, though he is worthy of love. But I do wonder...

We hear that "sin" leads people from the church. For me, though I didn't do the BIG SIN, loving someone I shouldn't have caused me to look for answers...and find them. It wasn't "losing the spirit" that lead me out, but finding that I had led my life in a simmering crockpot of lies. Lies that had overwhelmed me with the futile need to be the perfect molly wife and mother. Lies that had caused me to first cheat and betray myself. Lies that when I no longer believed them, led me to be true to myself...and freed me from the risk of "sin"...because I no longer needed a vehicle of emmancipation.

Just my story. Still in the moron church. One of the ones they worry about. Don't wear my garmies except when I must for show (and feel I'm betraying myself all over again). Encourage my children to think and not just believe. Tell them I don't care if they go on missions. Speak up with thoughts that bring about questions in church. Kiss and love my husband. Hope one day he walks away with me...but until then...I'll counteract Primary all I can, because if I left now I'd lose my family. And despite bumps in the road, they are my everything.

Sometimes we need to "go along to get along," at least on some level, to keep our investment in our family. I did that for a short time. I gave it my best. But eventually, I could not be a believer anymore.

You are doing the best you can and that is all any of us can do!
My guess? There are probably a lot of folks like you!

I'm all for teaching the children critical thinking skills, using logic and reason, and widening their world view!
Sounds like you do too.

Hang in there! Hopefully, it will get easier.

of a worthy member of the LDS Church that gained respect and honor.

They became, for me, anyhow, a symbol of control by the God of 24/7 Underwear right out of the Old Testament. I always thought it was a big contradiction to their belief/concept of Jesus Christ their Savior who came to fulfill the law (which was the law of the OT). Never did make sense to me, but I went along with it because it was expedient and necessary as a convert and "adopted member of the tribe" as it was explained to me.

Glad you are saying that you don't care if your kids go on missions. That is big. You are being very kind to make that clear now. I don't get your one comment though....you said the bishop deserves love.... someone who bragged about sinning deserves love? I really am confused on that one.

Thank you, all. And yes...garments are oppression. I hate them. Can't stand them. They suffocate me. That said...so does the whole of the church. ;)

Why does the bishop deserve love? Because we all do. I "fell in love" outside my marriage. And why? Maybe because I had lost myself and needed to feel alive...somewhere, somehow. I don't know. I just know that I compromised myself somewhere along the line to the point where I let myself get into a situation I could never have forseen. And thank God! Because it opened my eyes and gave me courage to NEVER lose myself again. Bishop didn't have my courage. He continues to pretend in a way I can't. And I wish him love. I wish him courage. I wish him the ability to live truth and be true to that truth. To not live everyday of the rest of his life speaking one word while kicking himself with guilt. Because, believe me, he is a good man and he feels guilt. Even years later. I wouldn't take him back, but he still loves me. Poor, sad, sorry guy...who deserves love. Most especially for himself. I hope he finds it in himself before he hits the grave.

Sometimes the things we joke about...like saying we are the "devil" or joking about still being able to bless...are because we are damning ourselves.

BTW...sexy underwear ROCK!! I can't stop staring at myself. And while my husband would love me to be wearing garments again..LOL!...he sure doesn't complain (and neither does his buddy down-under :))! That's where we girls got it going on with our TBHs. We get to go all sexy on them...and the thought of going back to the burka underwear, well, I think he'd miss seeing my goodies more than me.)

Might I had...my parents have NEVER had sex without wearing their garments! Ughhhh...