I recently learned that my ultra TBM SIL has divorced her husband. What I was surprised to learn was that they did it through forms they got off the internet and completed the process in short order.

I wrote once before when my TBM son had in-laws who divorced in Utah some time ago and also completed the whole process in about two weeks.

Is this typical in most states? I thought divorce often required a waiting period, court review, and other legal wrangling. I'm not advocating for a lengthy process, but I am surprised that in "family friendly" Utah, a couple can file for divorce and have it complete in about 2 weeks.

Along with the divorce, I understood that the SIL changed her name back to her maiden name. That's not unheard of, but her oldest daughter apparently also changed her last name to her mother's maiden name. I thought that was really odd and I wanted to know what others thought about it.

Puli Wrote:
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> Along with the divorce, I understood that the SIL
> changed her name back to her maiden name. That's
> not unheard of, but her oldest daughter apparently
> also changed her last name to her mother's maiden
> name. I thought that was really odd and I wanted
> to know what others thought about it.

I would say that the daughter has a lot of anger towards her father. No, that is not normal. Was this a case of adultery? Or did dear old dad leave the crutch?

I don't know too many particulars, but no mention of adultery or that dad left the church. SIL is EXTREMELY manipulative and controlling (and has the psych degree to prove it). What SIL said was that she got tired of DH yelling at the kids and that he had a temper, but I've found that I could never believe anything she had to say at face value - so who knows what the whole story is? She will only ever tell a story to make herself appear better than she is/was in the situation.

I heard that one of Arnold Schwarzenegger's sons changed his name to "Shriver".

I heard that too about Arnold's son. Well, this is what I have to say about all that. It is the former wife's choice and an older child's choice to change a name if they wish....like an 18 yr. old let's say knows WHY they may want to do that...not a 6 yr.old. And I say to all MEN- think about your kids before you engage in abuse, adultery, thievery, etc. because these things leave huge scars and if a change in name helps heal those scars I say Go for it!

Many states have a wating period. In Maryland you have to be separated for 12 months to get a divorce. Some states have a 6 month period, some 90 days.

Here is a site that lists waiting period requirements by state.

http://www.totaldivorce.com/process/requirements/waiting-period.aspx

By my count, 17 states - or about a third - have some kind of manditory waiting period. Waiting periods range from 60 days to 18 months.

So, what are your thoughts on the daughter changing her name to her mother's maiden name?

All five of my daughters changed their name to my last name.

Times are a changing, hold on to your seats-

Of the two that got married, both of their husbands changed their last name to my name.

I perfectly understood that children wouldn't want to have the last name of someone who told them he didn't love them and wanted "new" children. They wanted the name of the person who raised them. Not weird at all.

Their husbands changing their names, well... call me old-fashioned but it seemed weird to me. I could better understand if they chose their own name, maybe a character from literature they both admired.

When I asked, my daughters both told me that their husbands never liked their last names anyway. One's name was Smith, the other was German and people always mispronounced it.

Whereas everybody seems to like "Waters"

Anagrammy

I understood that in Japan where continuing a family name carries more importance, a couple might negotiate as part of the marriage agreement whose family name they would take. If a couple had only daughters, they may want at least one son-in-law who would take their family name.

I can see your point, anagrammy. If a parent "divorced" his kids along with spouse, then the kids would have every reason to resent that parent and to distance themselves. I wouldn't have guessed that this was necessarily the case with this family - SIL always presented them as the perfect Mormons. I suppose this is just evidence that it was never the case. I have my own resentments to account for with SIL and her now ex-husband. SIL has interferred with my family and slandered my wife very badly to their extended relatives, so I'm none too willing to cut her much slack. I'd be willing to guess that the daughter is more emeshed with her mother than she is angery with her dad for his behavior (but I;ve already admitted to my own bias).

My husband and his ex got divorced without any legal wrangling or lawyers. She drew up the papers based on a book she read. The decree is rather one-sided and heavily biased in her favor, but the Arkansas courts accepted it just the same. I think it took about three months.

I didn't know it only took 2 weeks--I thought it took 3 months, but I haven't looked into it for about 5 years.

When my "ex" was being a bastard--and he was very much a bastard for about 9 years, our kids wanted to change their name to my maiden name. We were all going to do it once the divorce was "final."

I really don't like his last name, but I would keep it even if I do finally get legally divorced so my last name is the same as my children's.

I only hope my only child, a son, will take his wife's name. I wish I had money for every damn time I had to spell Z-I-E-L-K-E, no i'ts pronounced zell-key. What makes it worse, he's a junior, so he has to answer to SHANNON as a guy!

Data point: My nevermo sister is currently in the process of filing her very own DIY divorce in a midwestern state.

In California, once the paperwork is served and filed, there's a six-month waiting period before you can file for the final decree. Neither party is able to remarry during that six months.

As for names, I thought about changing my last name to my stepfather's name because my bio-father is an asshat, but two things prevented me:

1. I'm very close to my bio-father's family, and
2. My stepfather's last name is "Smith".

When I got married I dropped my middle name and began using my maiden name in the middle. Not hyphenated, just three names (like David Ogden Stiers). It's not as affected as it sounds; I was 38 when I got married so I had a rather long lifetime under that name and wanted to keep it somehow.

Sunday: The Jack and Jill Jones family goes to church and sits all happy in Sacrament meeting on row #7. That evening Jack/Jill have sex.

Monday: Another FHE fight and they've had enough. Jack/Jill decide to get a divorce.

Tuesday: They fill out the paperwork.

Wednesday: Thanks to Utah's laws that help protect the law of chastity the divorce is quickly approved at the courthouse. Jack moves out to a vacant rental home in the Ward that his old home teacher just moved out the previous week.

Thursday: Jack goes to a singles activity in the northern part of town and meets a wonderful woman named Jenny. Jill goes to a singles acitivy in the southern part of town and meets a wonderful man named John.

Friday: Jack gets engaged to Jenny. Jill gets engaged to John.

Saturday: Jack marries Jenny and then they can go have sex but stay TR worthy. Jill gets engaged to John and they also go have sex but stay TR worthy.

Sunday: Jack brings his new wife Jenny to the Ward and they sit on the left side of row #7. Jill brings her new husband John to the Ward and they sit on the right side of row #7. The kids of Jack/Jill sit in the middle. The Bishop smiles knowing that his Ward members are so temple worthy.

In Utah, if there are no children, the waiting period for Divorce is 90 days. If there are children AND you take two state sponsored classes about children and divorce, the waiting period is waived. Assuming the divorce is amicable (i.e. both sides agree) it takes two to eight weeks, depending on how busy the courts are and how straightforward the settlement is. From the time of filing, my divorce took a little over three weeks from when we signed the papers and exactly two weeks from when a case number was assigned.