I just read your exit story and it really gives me hope. I stopped believing a few years ago, but just recently started to share what I've learned with my TBM wife. She is so opposed to polygamy and JS's behavior, but isn't willing to let go yet.

I've been sharing stories, quips, and church history info with her for a couple of months now, but she remains internally conflicted about it all. I'm not going to give up on her, though. She is having a really hard time reversing her obedience training and a lifetime of crazy rhetoric. I'm hoping she sees the light sooner rather than when we're 70. :)

Thanks for sharing your story.

Awe. Thanks! The one thing my husband didn't do was push me into thinking like he did. He told me that he would go to church with me, forever, if thats what I wanted to do and I know he would have done it too. But, he did share with me information and disagree with me when I would spout off "doctrine." That's how I eventually started to genuinely question.

Be patient with her. Its such a hard process and even 3 years later I still find myself sometimes wishing it were true. Even if she never gets to the point of leaving it all behind, love her no matter what. Thats one thing that the church will never do, but you can.

Good luck!

I am totally committed to her no matter what. She's known that I've had doubts for a few years now and I still go with her every Sunday. I even hold down a teaching calling, if you can believe it. I've just been learning so much about the true church history lately that I can't help but share some of it with her.

Her jaw nearly dropped when I showed her some quotes from the early prophets found in Journal of Discourses regarding polygamy. I'm trying hard not to be forceful, but I can see the truth starting to take hold in her mind and heart.

She knows I'll always love her unconditionally, so I'm not worried about our relationship at all. I just want her to be able to let go of the guilt heaped on her daily from not feeling "good enough." Letting go of all that has totally changed my perspective on life and I feel like a new person. I just want the same for her.

Thanks again!

My brother is going through this same thing right now. It's hard to watch him struggle. He wants to leave, if he could he'd walk away from it all in an instance, but his wife is more more emotionally attached to it. For her, more than anything it's about family and she's afraid of being shunned and how it could affect their kids. Even so, he's not going to give up, he wants them to leave together, but it just takes time and lots of patience.

It sounds like your wife is open minded and just needs time to let all the brainwashing begin to fall away. Once the fog lifts for her, she'll start to see things more clearly and maybe then be able to accept the truth. Like Heather said, love her no matter what. Everyone has their own timetable for this so it's just important not to push. Still, this whole process can be very alienating. So be sure to reach out for support here and wherever else you may be able to find it whenever necessary. It's a tough process for both of you. Best of luck.

Thanks! She is coming around, albeit slowly. She spent some of her free time this past weekend looking up references to show her dad where John Taylor had lied openly about polygamy while on a mission in Europe.

I think she is starting to let the truth take hold a bit.

eventually left with me. Twelve years out now and life's been great!

Good luck my friend!

Powerful words, Heather! And true as well.

The church is incapable of loving any member "no matter what." But a loving spouse can do this.

You have discovered the wonderful relaxing fact that love is like a deep serene lake and the lies of Mormonism are like the wind causing ripples, but the wind goes and the lake remains and nourishes all life.

Question: How can you teach only about the wind?

Where do you draw the line for your own authenticity?

Please don't tell me you bear your testimony.


Anagrammy

I only bear testimony of things that make sense to me, and I never say that "I know" anything. No BOM and no JS. Luckily I've only been teaching Old Testament and New Testament thus far, and I'm not completely atheist, so its easy to teach biblical lessons to the class. Jesus' teachings were pretty much summed up in "Love God and Love your neighbor." I can stand behind that and don't feel that I'm compromising my integrity at all by teaching it.

Next year is Book of Mormon and I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm going to ask to be released in order to maintain a clear conscience.

I'm just trying my best to stand by my TBM wife while not compromising my own beliefs. Its working for now, but it may prove to be too difficult in the future.

So, I guess to answer the question I teach about the wind within the context of doctrines that I don't have issues with (ie Jesus, OT, NT). I never venture into LDS-specific doctrines. I teach 15-year-olds and we actually have some really good discussions about christ-like living and attributes.

I am so happy to hear that. Our lurkers need to hear from posters like you who are maintaining personal integrity while loving their family enough to wait for them to "awaken" ( realize they've been duped). Nobody says it like someone walking the walk.

It can be done, and done skillfully, because Mormonism is a clever mixture of lies and truth highly seasoned with the philosophies of men (lol).

You are immunizing a future generation. If a person learns that the fruits of the spirit come from an internal change, that is anti-Mormon. Mormons teach that you act like you "love" others when you are asked to bring a cassarole or clean someone's house, and Hopefully that will turn into real love.

Anagrammy

Just like you said there are truths in the church. Teachings I can embrace. I decided a while back with help from Bill at mormonthink.com to only do the things at church that I feel good about. To take the church on my terms while my wife begins her journey.

I flat-out reject any lesson or practice that is based on guilt, control, or blind obedience, but I am there with her and that matters to her. Now that I know the leaders have no more authority over me than a calculator, I feel no guilt for not conforming and its a beautiful feeling.

We have a great time in our lessons and every now and again I sow a seed of rebellious truth in their fertile minds just for fun. Last week durning a discussion about Paul I threw out the question, "Does anyone know what date JS had his first vision?" Of course, no one answered and I said, "Don't feel bad, neither did he."

Then I moved on to talk about the fruits of the Spirit in Corinthians. Love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness. Those are beautiful things. If there is a god, he would approve of those attributes.