I understand the need to vent but I just read a post that was EXTREMELY disturbing. I'm thinking some people may be so jaded that they don't comprehend that what they write may be very upsetting to others.

I realize their own pain from suffering abuse is much much worse but is it really necessary to expose complete strangers to the trauma of what they went through..

notmo

****"NOTMO" you have been here long enough to know not to use puppets. Consider this a warning.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/21/2011 05:56PM by Susan I/S.

It is a recovery board and a great place of comfort for those with no other understanding outlet. I don't think their should be a limit, but maybe a *trigger warning* of sorts in the title would be thoughtful to implicate? I was a taken aback as well.. but that is reality



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/21/2011 01:04AM by ldscam.

... then the subject line should have been a tipoff.

As was just said, this is a recovery site, and many people here have disturbing experiences they are trying RECOVER from. I would suggest you not try to guilt folks who are already dealing with overwhelming emotional and psychological damage for talking through their pain.

If you're so fragile that just reading about someone else's anguish traumatizes you, then I'd suggest you turn off your computer, dig a hole in your backyard and shove your head down as deep as it will go.

There are boards/forums who will put *trigger* in their subject. Like people who put in (swears).

It's hard to see others pain sometimes. It can cause us pain too.

I am glad I can still have empathy for people who are hurting, after 27 years in Mental Health, there is nothing that surprises me anymore though.

If anyone can shed even a smidge of grief - power to them!

Expressing the trauma can be therapeutic for the individual who experienced it. Tramatic events can be repressed or denied and for many victims it takes courage to share what has happened.

Offering up sympathetic words is far more affective for you and the individual in working through this, than is complaining about how it has affected you to hear about it.

It was a sad, painful post but if it really traumatizes you then that may be an indication that there is an issue in your own life/childhood that you haven't addressed that needs to be addressed.

This is not an attack or a criticism but simply an observation. It seem to me that the things that are the hardest for me to read about are things which trigger memories and feelings from my own childhood. If this is the case for you I urge you to find a good counselor and work through the pain in your life. Undealt with pain is a minefield waiting to go off.

Best wishes.

I find it very odd -or sad-that you would need to come up with an explanation like that for my finding the post disturbine. Are you really that jaded that you are unable to accept that some people find such details horrible and upsetting for the simple fact that they are? Certainly I do not want to add to the poster's grief but some consideration is appropriate I think.

I will think twice before ever reading a post with a similar subject line. Many people tell their stories without being so graphic.

It is tragic that there are people in our world who would do such a thing. Your apparent need to psychoanalyze my reaction to something so horrific as being prompted by anything more than a normal human abhorrence for such abuse-something that should upset any feeling person -is perhaps another indication of just how jaded our culture has become.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/21/2011 03:47AM by anagrammy.

First of all, people post details because the pain is in the details.
They post graphic stuff when they've tried telling people and no one listens, believes them or cares.

This is our job here, to help people recovering by listening (reading) and letting victims know they are not alone, that others among us have suffered abuse, too.

This poster has suffered a tremendous amount of pain and humiliation at a time when he was most vulnerable. He will be dealing with this for the rest of his life, and by the looks of it he sounds like he's doing a pretty good job...HOWEVER,

If he were completely healed he would not have posted such a graphic story. He still needs help and support to deal with anger in a positive way, to express his feelings appropriately, etc.

Blaming the victim for making YOU uncomfortable? You're not even a Mormon! You have no idea how difficult it is to describe how stupid and naive you were to allow the abuse because it was a "high priest." We welcome you here on a Recovery From Mormonism site really as a guest. You are not in need of help and you have little help to give, except perhaps giving the real world perspective.

It's just too fucking bad the OP's nightmare Mormon childhood disturbed you. Perhaps it brought up some issues, all right, like perhaps you ARE a Mormon.

Anagrammy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/21/2011 03:45AM by anagrammy.

This board is for people who dare to speak strong words and have it out verbally. Maybe you need to hang out at Post-Mormon.com.

Are you talking about the one referring to masticating in the kitchen or the one about the bloody boy buttocks?

You wrote: >>I'm wondering if some people realize that they may traumatize others when they give personal details of things they have suffered...>>

I can empathize with anothers pain but not be traumatized myself. However if I read of someones pain and would be traumatized then that would in all probability be an indication that perhaps I have some issue of my own that I have not explored, dealt with, and healed from.

You wrote: >>I understand the need to vent but I just read a post that was EXTREMELY disturbing. I'm thinking some people may be so jaded that they don't comprehend that what they write may be very upsetting to others.>>

I don't see the original writer of that post as jaded but see an individual that experienced incredible pain and trauma and has been working his way through it.

I didn't feel traumatized by the poster but I felt the posters trauma and didn't see it as him just throwing it out but sharing it in a place where most of us have been Mormons and each of us walking the recovery road. We have Mormonism in common. Most of us have lived in Mormonism and the difficulty of the outward show of this pristine, clean, pure, family first, face the Church puts out for the public and ignores the underbelly of what happens to _some_ of it's members needs to have expression and who better to hear this poster than those who understand Mormon living.

I am not saying every Mormon has that kind of trauma nor am I saying every Mormon is as abusive as the father and High Priest of the poster but one father, and one High Priest who behaves that way is one too many. And sadly there are times the Church turns its' head the other way or else blames the traumatized person and not the traumatizer.

The difficulty in Mormonism is that when this kind of trauma happens the traumatized person doesn't know who they can really turn to for help. It is a known fact that Mormon women abused by their Mormon husbands who have gone to their Bishop have been told it must be something they are doing or the husband wouldn't have abused them. That's part of the underbelly I am speaking about.

Your perception of my post was perfect stated in your post. It is apparent that the person that was bothered has some similar unresolved issues. I hope that person finds peace.

...to the days when no one could talk about such horrors because the details were so very offensive. That helps enable the abuse and the abusers!

AMEN TO THAT

+1000

I am glad the author of the original post felt safe enough here to share such a traumatic experience.

I was surprised that another poster felt the need to object. Part of me feels sympathy for the objector, clearly they have unresolved issues that were triggered by reading the post. Another part of me felt horrified that someone could be so unfeeling towards someone elses tragedy, so much so that they put themselves before the other's pain and had to say something so negative.

I truly hope this won't disuade others from sharing experiences in order to help them recover. That's what this invaluable board is all about.

These posts criticizing you for being sensitive are abusive, plain and simple. It's not up to RFM members to tell you what you're allowed to find disturbing, or to engage in amateur attempts at psychoanalysis.

Maybe such people are just unfamiliar with real experiences of trauma and the wounds that they leave. It only takes glimpsing a headline that says a little too much to leave me unable to sleep for the rest of the night, sometimes longer. People who have been victims of serious violence or other kinds of trauma don't deserve to be abused all over again by ignorant jerks who don't know what it's like.

I haven't read the post you're referring to, but I'm sure there were others who found it disturbing who will now be afraid to speak up because of the chorus of insults you were subjected to. I'm sorry you had to see the post . . . I'm sorry you got such an inexcusable reaction when you tried to talk about it.

It is abusive to "criticize" the OP for being sensitive? WTF? Is that not the EXACT thing the OP was criticizing the other poster of? SInce when is it acceptable to tell another what they can and cannot post on a RECOVERY board?

You both are complaining about the EXACT thing you are BOTH doing!

You post as "anon" to hide who you are...why? Are you scared to link this to your original screenname? Posters who criticize others and make judgements under anon names are cowards.

If the OP didn't want to be traumatized...why the hell did he/she open a post that was CLEARLY titled as something disturbing? Why the hell didn't he/she CLOSE the thread instead of continuing to read...NO ONE is responsible for another's feelings.

"{ People who have been victims of serious violence or other kinds of trauma don't deserve to be abused all over again by ignorant jerks who don't know what it's like."
Yet...this is PRECISELY what the OP is doing to cpalmer...you two are incredible...

It is perfectly fine to have a reaction to a post...what is NOT okay, is to suggest another poster "traumatized" you...and play the victim when YOU CHOSE TO READ THE POST THAT WAS CLEARLY TITLED.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". -Eleanor Rosevelt

and people who may be particularly sensitive. In my opinion, there are fair points to be made on both sides of this issue. It is good to be able to talk about traumatic events if that is helpful to do. Yet, in an open forum like this one, if you reveal something personal, all responses may not be what you hoped for. If the forum really is open, then it seems to me that a negative response is also legitimate even if it is not welcomed.

Several years ago on RfM I revealed an event that was upsetting to me and while most people responded with empathy, one poster basically told me to toughen up and quit whining and I was wrong to feel as I did. It angered me and it also brought home the reality that in an open forum, I am taking my chances as to the kinds of responses I would get. So, now before I post something that is deeply personal, I weight whether or not I can tolerate it if someone doesn't respond the way I hope, and I act accordingly.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/21/2011 05:26AM by robertb.

If a person is able to empathize, he or she could feel traumatized by reading about the traumas of others. However, this would only be an echo of what the victim went through, and no one forces anyone here to read a particular post; it's a voluntary choice.

Because of that, when a reader posts a message complaining about being traumatized, in effect, it disparages the victim. It blames him or her without recognizing that the victim really is a victim, which in turn causes the victim harm, adding insult to injury.

Don't do this. There's already enough horror, suffering, and trauma in the world without adding to it.

Stop.

Steve

It's a recovery board and this is what it's here for. If I don't't like a post I'll stop mid post and move on. No one says we have to finish or even start reading a post.

nickerickson Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It's a recovery board and this is what it's here
> for. If I don't't like a post I'll stop mid post
> and move on. No one says we have to finish or even
> start reading a post.

Exactly. No one holds a gun to someone's head and makes them read the entire thing.

It might be bad but its true do you really want to stick your head in the sand and pretend it doesnt happen?

(not my ex-husband) was raped by a male friend when he was really drunk when he was only 16. He was so distraught (I can't blame him) that he dropped out of school. He couldn't decide if he was gay or not and he thought he was going to hell for something he didn't do. He never told ANYONE for 25 years. He kept it all to himself and suffered greatly.

So--we should bury this stuff? Not talk about it. This person helped me with someone else in my life who had sexually molested and raped--he recognized the signs of "self-hate"--otherwise, I would have never known what happened to this person I love dearly.

I type medical records. I type some terribly horrific things. It happens. It is important that people can talk about it. Like others have said, this is a recovery board.

But, maybe that's just me?

Actually, no, I see that almost everyone else understands that.

If you do not like hanging out on a board with people who come here because they need to recover, may I suggest you ask for a full refund from the cashier's booth on the way out?

If you find RFM antipathetic to your requirements you might like to visit this site instead. And I am being serious. It's a very inspirational site. The blog author has published a book based on it that I had for Christmas a couple of years ago:-
http://itisjustyoueverythingsnotshit.blogspot.com/

I'm wondering if some people realize that by sharing the details of their disturbing experience, they are encouraging others to do the same instead of staying silent and powerless.

There are some here who have been more than just hurt by the church or it's members. There are far too many who have been abused in the worst possible way. You think that story was disturbing? I've heard several like it.

The most disturbing ones are the ones I have not heard, because it means someone is hurting too much or too frightened to speak up.

That's SO true!

"Wow! It's NOT just me!" can be a very healing moment.

Please keep posts PG13ish and mark them adult when dealing with adult subject matter.

If something is a "trigger" subject for you, you have to decide if you are going to read it. Don't read it then complain that it is a trigger for you. There is SOMETHING that is a trigger for EVERYONE. Hell, a game site I am on has people that complain that any GAME with spiders in it should have a warning. You have to make a choice or take a chance.

If you feel something is not right with a post, USE THE REPORT BUTTON OR DIRECTLY MAIL IT TO ME. That is my job. That is why I get paid the big bucks. There have been quite a few times when someone had something happen that others found sketchy and it was TRUE. Instead of yelling TROLL or attacking someone - MAIL IT IN and don't reply to them.

You can always politely ask a relevent question. In the Stormy saga, one of the sock puppets claimed Jake wore garments in college before his mission. I think it would be fair to ask why.You can ask in a way that is not challenging or rude. If the answer didn't add up, that would be good info to send on to Susan.

I have been changing my moniker from outofutah to notmo...because it is shorter and easier to type and I forgot I had used notmo in this post.


Geeze I've got enough going on in my life without trying to carry on a conversation with puppets.

So I'm outed...but I'm sticking with notmo.

Sorry

notmo

If it sets off your personal BS button, fine.

However, unless a poster is doing something suspicious enough to warrant reporting to Susan, or those with actual pertinent training (and there are several) think something is up...if you can't offer the guy support, leave his thread alone. It's that simple.


I wish I could say I'd never heard of something similar happening, but I grew up in a ward where they discovered an older adult was using the scouting program in a similar way...essentially letting older boys he'd previously molested get accesses to the younger kids as a reward for obeying him. That sort of thing is sick, and wrong, but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

And if you'd read the thread, he never said it was to other High Priests, but more in keeping with what I've heard of happening before.