This article from Psychology Today may provide further explanation for sexual dysfunction in Mormon marriages. Because Mormons are taught to seek validation from God, leaders, friends, extended family, and spouses they struggle with developing a sense of self. As the article explains those who rely on their partners for reflected validation often have a struggle with sexual relations.

"...the more you need your partner to prop up your reflected sense of self, the more you get a triple whammy:

1. You take what your partner is doing (or not doing) very personally, especially when it comes to differences in sexual desire.

2. You're emotionally unnerved when your relationship becomes contentious, which it inevitably will around sex and intimacy.

3. You go along and compromise and negotiate on things that maybe you shouldn't, or you force your partner to adapt to you.

Compromise and negotiation is important in marriage, but unhappy couplethe solution in many troubled relationships is not to do more of it. People who depend on a reflected sense of self sometimes do it too often, to reduce their anxiety and insecurity. This may keep things stable for the moment, but it has a long-term impact most people don't foresee..."

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intimacy-and-desire/201108/do-you-want-your-partner-stroke-your-ego-or-your-genitals



For Mormons, the proping up of the reflected sense of self extends beyond the spouse to the membership of the ward and stake. This would seem to create additional problems in that it is impossible to be in the good graces of everyone all of the time. Much of a Mormons existence is spent trying desperately to obtain that external validation from one person or another.

Mormon women probably have a greater challenge in that they often do not have a career to provide positive strokes and another venue for success. When the Mormon woman is reliant on her husband and the ward for all of her validation, then her self-worth is even more tenuous. It is no wonder that sexual difficulties often follow.

That makes sense. Mormon girls are taught that whether or not they marry an RM in the temple will make or break their lives. It would make sense that they look to him to validate their worth in life. And that ideal of a perfect Mormon marriage - that requires a husband conforming to your idea of what a perfect marriage was...or you caving in to him.

I think a lot of it too is being taught that women and closeness to women, leads to sex outside of marriage, which is the gate to hell. If you can't even talk to a woman without fearing for your salvation, how can you be intimate emotionally with any woman? Even when it's OK to have sex with her because she's your wife.

Between a woman looking for an RM to validate her and an RM being afraid of slipping sexually, normal development just doesn't happen. Thanks for posting that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/25/2011 12:40AM by CA girl.