The reason I'm asking this question is because I was at a Stake Conference a couple years back that had Elder Bednar speaking in it. This was in the Orem University 3rd Stake. At one point during his talk, he said "Sisters, you're not looking to marry a return missionary." I'm sure many eyebrows(mine included) were raised at that point. He then went on to say that Sisters should be looking for a guy who's overall strong in the church and that some boys go on missions, but never become missionaries. He also said that the classic "I had a revelation that we should get married" trick that some guys like to pull is unrighteous dominion.

If the problem of apostate missionaries or RMs is so big that an Apostle is outright telling Sisters not to just look for an RM, then why is there still the big push to marry "an RM?"

I'm just speculating that while marrying an RM is still an ideal, they are trying to keep the emphasis on marriage and breeding.

The problem is MANY missionaries are leaving the Church because the mission wakes us up to what is really going on in the Church. Many of them come home from missions and aren't sold on the Church, but use the RM status to find a cute girl to marry. The reason the tradition doesn't die is because as the saying goes old traditions die hard.

They're probably getting a lot of poor sisters who did the right thing and married an RM only a few years later to find themselves married to someone who did some research and no longer believes, or who even quit believing because of the wake-up call the mission is, but couldn't quite get it together to come out of the non-belief closet before getting married. Many of these women were only in college to find their prized RM and have no way to support themselves, especially if they have children.

TSCC would rather not have a young woman married and popping out kids if there's a chance those kids are going to be raised by an apostate father--giving them a greater chance of not being money producers for the church in the future.

Yep, my DW used that on me. It worked. Unrighteous dominion.

And, another prejudice on the part of the church that RMs who fall away never had their heart in it.

They cannot fathom that rock-solid full-on believers bail-out when they find out it's a fraud.

When I was a young adult, what we said amongst ourselves was that an RM had been on their own in the world for 2 years. So they'd leave as a boy, and come back as a man.

They learned to do their own ironing, had to learn to budget, to cook for themselves, etc.

They were simply regarded as being much more mature, and probably more dedicated to the Church as well.

...they haven't been on their own. They've just been under the care of a different kind of parent, subject to the house rules, limited in what they can do. They leave as a boy and come back as a more indoctrinated boy, who's extra horny and ready to marry one of the women who believe they need to marry an RM.

Here's the real reason:

RM's have been through total obedience school and most (not all) will do whatever they're told. Further, they buy into the subservient woman thing and thus the brethren think that the women will also be obedient. Like it or not, that's what it's all about.

End of story.

Ron

The real goal of a mission is to make the RM extra dedicated. He spends two years taking hits from all sides, and that is usually enough to cement his devotion to the church. After all, 19-22 is the age of soldiers and suicide bombers- gungho and never wrong.

Now get a starry eyed female, any female at all to marry him as soon as he gets home and the next thing you know she is trapped and bound with family at the age of 19 with no forseeable choice but to endure to the end and raise a new generation of tithe-payers.

choose an RM who came home REALLY indoctrinated (or committed to the gospel, as they may put it).

Just being an RM isn't good enuf anymore, if the missionary wasn't a good one, then the YW should just pass him by for his more righteous peers.

How's that for a cultural mormon who went on his mission an a right of passage and now expects to have a flock of girls to choose from.

It sounds like they are now 'raising the bar' again, but this time are using the GIRLS to do it with.

Getting young people married will force them to stay in the Mormon "path". Having a spouse helps the other spouse stay active. You reinforce each others beliefs. Children come along and you have to "be the example for them". The whole institution of marriage has the effect of cementing life patterns be they religious or otherwise. The executives in the LDS corporation know this. Get 'em married and you stand a good chance of creating a tithing machine that will persist for decades. Good business decision.

Interesting that Bednar even brought it up...

According the the church, the temple marraige divorce rate is mindbogglingly low.

So why fix something that ain't broke?

TSCC is so full of shit

It's generational and expected. I think there may be some stats that show that RM temple marriages continue to pay tithing throughout their life. At least, that's the expectation.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/25/2011 01:58PM by SusieQ#1.

What do boys like more than a big Texas BBQ?

You got it, GIRLS.

By putting the pressure on the young sisters to marry RMs, they are really putting the pressure on the young men to ensure they serve a mission and have all these girls to choose from upon their return. Especially if he says it at a Stake Conference.

I'm far away from the morridor and may be different here but we 'lose' a lot of men on that crucial age and many don't go on missions. If any ward in the area has more than 3 or 4 serving at the same time, that is a very, very good ward.

In YW some lessons touch on the subject of helping YM decide to serve a mission and they are encourage to marry a RM.

D

I think it's been the party line for generations, and has just become part of the Mormon mindset. I'm very glad to hear that someone high up dared to question it.

My mom is rock solid in the church, yet my dad never served a mission, and somehow, she consented to marry him.

Sometimes I remind myself of this, and I have to shake my head.
She's the type that typically never settles for a non-RM.

Dad has been inactive for over 40 years. She's been pissed about it for decades, but claims she no longer worries about it.
I think she figures she'll just end up reassigned to someone else who's more "righteous" in the end.

I guess she should have seen Dad's inactivity coming, although he was quite active for a while, even doing temple work.

Perhaps the pressure to get married by a certain age superceded the "must marry a RM" rule.

any attention from the Mormon girls if they aren't gung ho RM's. When I was at BYU, it was a GIVEN that you wanted an RM for a husband. Girls used to touch a guy's leg if they were sitting next to them to feel for garment lines.

In the singles wards at BYU, they also used to tell us to judge the young men by whether or not they were good home teachers.


This was an effective means to getting missionary work and hometeaching done.

AND getting obedient young women to pair up with equally obedient young men so they can raise obedient little families in the church.


The sad part? They weren't giving good dating advice. Missionary work or home teaching aren't accurate ways to judge if a man would make a good husband.


BTW---My husband hasn't done his home teaching in about 11 years, and it hasn't affected him negatively. In fact, he's happier that he doesn't have to bother with it.

...ratcheting up the requirements. By telling the women they should only want the most valiant RMs, not just some guy who went through the motions, he's also telling the guys it's not enough to just go through the motions if you want marry a good Mormon girl.

But that could backfire, with the less than gung-ho RMs opting for much easier to please gentile women.

One of my mission companions thinks that a big driving force behind requests for temple sealing cancellations is because the girl thinks "RM" is guaranteed to mean super hardcore TBM, but all she ends up getting is some guy who went through the motions hating it the whole time.

and the kids all grab onto their own interpretation of the advice. My daughter is over the top TBM. She started dating an RM who was kicked out of BYU-I, hadn't been attending church for a long time after coming home from his mission, and he expected her to live up to the stereotype, but he didn't have to--because, after all, he was willing to "put up with her family situation." She was the one who dumped him and he just couldn't figure it out--since just having a gay dad and an apostate mom made her lower on the totem pole than him--the jackmo.

A couple of stories from UVU.

I was standing in a line behind a couple of students having a conversation about the guy one of them was dating. She was telling her friend about how considerate and fun he was, and how they really got along well. Her friend interupted saying: Never mind all that.....is he worthy to take you to the temple?

A friend of my DD was taking a course where a young man was chatting her up. After a few weeks he said Gawd had revealed that they were supposed to get married. She is very shy and unassertive but managed to say no and hurried away. The next week he slipped her a letter.......from his wife!! The wife wrote that she too had a revelation from gawd that my young friend was supposed to join their family as the second wife!!

You are looking at this from the wrong end. They have the girls holding out for the "RM" so the guys will go on missions so they can be RMs and get the girls.

And remember that they used to send the young men off on a mission so that the old men could get the young girls to themselves.

Hmm, how can we get the young men to go off on a mission? Let's promise them a girl when they get back.

When did the church start sending unmarried 19-year-olds instead of married men?

I have known several women that held out for a RM. Only one worked. The others were a mess,,both unhappy and hostile with their spouse. Seem they put a lot of pressure and high expectations on young people.