Sounds like the title of a song, doesn't it?

Anyways, a little story:

(For those concerned, our family resigned from the church 10 years ago, so I am telling this story for amusement purposes. I hope you will shake your head, mutter and likewise join me in loud laughter)

Part 1

Last week, a letter comes addressed to my daughter, (age 16) NOT of course to her parents, which is of course, mormon standard rude-ass procedure. It's from the current YW's President. I open it because my daughter wants nothing to do with the mormon church, etc. So I open it up

It's a small card cut-out in the shape of a pink purse.

This pink purse is decorated with different colored circles to make it fashionable or whatever. These circles are filled in with Young Woman's standards, I guess, like "Charity," Chastity, Honesty, etc. I open the flap of this purse/card and its an invitation for my daughter. It reads:

Welcome to a "Purse-onal" Progress Night! (rolls-eyes, makes gagging noises)

"As part of our YW's Personal Progress program, our virtuous young women are working on their Missionary progress challenge and are supposed to bring a non-member or inactive member to attend a New Beginning Progress night at the church on such and such date/time."

I'm thinking to myself: Wow aren't we special. You are only interested in my daughter cause you need some kind of advancement requirement checked off and since you conveinently have our address, you thought of us. (I guess young men are valiant and girls are virtuous, now??? LOL)

Do Mormons really expect this rude, condesending, lame-assed approach to work? I can't imagine this idea even yeilds one warm body for their stupid, assinine program.

Then it gets better. The YW's President knows my wife (They went to BYU together) and writes a personal message to her:

"I really would like your lovely daughter X to come to our personal progress night."

"I know your mother would have wanted her grandaughter to be living the standards of the gospel as a virtuous young woman and would be concerned as I am."

"Do you need a ride? If so, please call.

I hope I have done nothing to offend you.

Sincerely,

Sister Jackwagon

This little note was something special, wasn't it? I started laughing my ass off. The YW's President invokes the name of my wife's mother, who has been dead for several years and uses her memory to imply that she'd be concerned her grandaughter is a hoe! UNREAL. Again, do they really think insulting people is going to work???

Then finally--we aren't coming cause we need a ride? ROFLMAO.

No-maybe it's because you called our daughter a hoe-so yes, offense works. I'M OFFENDED.

I'm so sick of the "offended" argument. You treat people like crap while stealing their money and lying to them and you wonder if they're pissed?? You called their child a hoe?

This card illustrates everything that is wrong with mormonism and why its so difficult to leave the church.

Mormons are so out of touch. They just don't care.

Why do they have to be such rude, condescending arrogant jerks?

My wife's & daughter's faces when they read this invitation/note:

PRICELESS.

Part 2:

We've been having car after car coming to our this Saturday, bringing cookies and bread to my daughter (by Young Woman) who want to PERSONALLY invite my daughter to PERSONAL PROGRESS next week.

Since these people can't seem to understand WE ARE NOT MEMBERS- LEAVE US ALONE, I decided to send a personal message of my own.

I have a trashcan sitting right on the porch. When the girls drive up, they get out of the car, come to the door, ring the bell and proceed with their canned speech when I answer.

I interrupt and explain: No my daughter isn't here. She wasn't expecting any strangers today. Are you aware that we are not members and have requested that we be left alone?

At which point the girl is embarrased. The girl tries to hand me the cookies or bread and I say we don't accept gifts from stangers. They say they have to give it to me, its a requirement.

(Some would say it not the girl's fault, but this is part of the problem-kids being used to carry out love bombing is WRONG. I tried to not accept the gift, but ITS A REQUIREMENT!)

So I take the gift and throw it in the trashcan RIGHT ON THE PORCH, making sure to STARE at the driver of the car while I'm doing it. I then go to the car and speak to the driver. I tell them we are not members, hand them a copy of my exit letter dated 1999 and explain that if they come back again its trespassing and I will call the police and press charges against them personally. They have been warned. Please respect our privacy and do not come back without an invitation.

They usually take off in a huff. Bet I won't see them again.

I hope...

Flushing mormonism sure makes me feel good!

Good for you for taking that initiative! Thank you for helping your daughter away from the love bombing.

And they always seem so surprised and offended when people refer to their church as a cult. They may not be at the extreme end of the cult spectrum, but they are definitely right in the middle of cultland. The names of their little "programs" (that's a cult cue right there) sound even more cult-like than when I was a church-goer.

Personal Progress? Progress in what? Mind control? Personality programming? Zombification?

Mark my words, Mormons are going to become a standard scary theme in future horror movies--especially those that deal with themes like zombies, mind-controlled robots, hives of humans connected to a hive controller.... Scary stuff!

[Cue robot voice...]

"You must take my cookies. I am required to deliver them to you."

"But I don't want your cookies. I don't even know you. And I don't even know what might be in those cookies."

"But you must....It is a re-qui-er-ment. I am re-qui-er-ed to offer cookies as sincere gesture of fel-low-ship and sincere friendship. It is my duty."

"I release you of your duty."

"You cannot. You are not authorized. You are not authorized. Must take cookies and be happy. Must be happy and come to church program...church program...church program...fzzsgkrk...blizznik...eeeeeeeeek eeeeeek!"

"Oh dear! Another church robot is malfunctioning on my property. Guess I'll have to call for the hazmat removal team again. Such a pain in the ass!"

if they continue to do this. How many times did someone come up and do this madness already?

You rock - these young ladies need to realize that their behavior is out of line. Otherwise, they will grow up thinking that their bad behavior is actually GOOD behavior. Because they aren't getting any negative feedback from their actions.

The problem with Personal Progress, and indeed all of Mormonism, is that being nice, friendly, helpful is a REQUIREMENT not an honest, heart-felt gesture. They are passing stuff off for PP - not because they actually want to do what is right. Or rather, they think jumping through LDS hoops is what's right. So they buy into the LDS behavior, hook, line and sinker. They never stop to think of another's point of view or give validity to another point of view or research what would really be the kind thing to do. Maybe these girls will think twice from now on.

I'm impressed. I have to say that I would cave in and take the cookies because I'm a big fat pig and I love cookies.

Good story, I enjoyed.

I would have taken the cookies and bread to the RS president and shoved them down her throat!