And coincidentally, children are too!

http://timesandseasons.org/index.php/2004/03/the-times-and-seasons-song-contest/
"Swallow the prophet, swallow the prophet, swallow the prophet, won’t get away;
Swallow the prophet, swallow the prophet, swallow the prophet; he’ll find the way."

Classic. WOW! Just WOW!

Oh and in those comments lies this little factory gem:
"Come, come, ye saints, no toilet paper here."

I guess someone will have to swallow the prophet?

LOL!

Not to mention "We will go down."

Mormons are quite entertaining -- in small doses.

Rebeckah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Not to mention "We will go down."
This one is a personal favorite of mine. Let us go down!

But about the rod.

Holding "fast" to the rod that leads to a "tree of life."

Really? God has a rod that his children need to hold onto to gain access to His "tree of life"?

Wow! No sexual connotation there! Snakes tempting a woman, rods leading to life.

I guess you need to hold your (or your partner's) rod of life but you just can't rub it - only your partner can provided she can grow a "tree of life."

And don't forget "We believe in being chased by an elephant."

Ron

We were at a party once with several other LDS couples who had young kids. They were talking about how the only movies they’d seen in years were Pixar and Disney movies. One girl quite naively suggested, “We should all get together sometime and go see an adult movie.” To this day I don’t think she knows why I busted out laughing.

But it comes from a people who can't stop talking about "burning bosoms," "being endowed" and "taking out their endowments" so it may just be guilt by association.

I always wonder what the hell Joseph Smith/God was thinking about when I read this phrase in D&C 111:

"...they shall not discover your secret parts..."

But enough of that. Let us now turn to hymn numbers 16, 9 and 155 and sing in that order: What Glorious Scenes Mine Eyes Behold; Come, Rejoice; and We Have Partaken of Thy Love

held by a local LDS congregation. The activity reportedly included a contest for best-decorated trunk and was advertised with a flyer that read: "Vote for the trunk with the most spunk" or "let's see some spunk in your trunk" or something like that.

I tried to see if a record of it was still in the Internet ether, but could only come up with a mainstream Christian church version of it:

http://www.mortontimesnews.com/lifestyle/calendar/x1197767186/Around-Town-Interactive

(Check out the "Church" report part way down.)

Although not mormom, still funny...

"The best unintentionally sexual church signs."
http://www.happyplace.com/3695/unintentionally-sexual-church-signs

:-)

Makes you wonder what the pastors were thinking when they came up with those. Was it inspiration? Was it Freudian?

Dave,

Wanna sin with me?!?!?!?! ;-)

This makes me think of the "Banana" Lady. Some years back, there was this motivational speaker who was traveling to different high schools and giving her spiel. As one of her motivational "tools"......she took a banana, peeled it, and essentially deep-throated it in front of the student assemblies. I think there had been some complaints, but it wasn't until her presentation was actually video-taped and publicized that all hell broke loose.
People were apalled that she was doing this in assemblies for high school and possibly middle-school kids as well. When the backlash hit her, I kid you not she was shocked, sobbing, and completely, COMPLETELY IGNORANT as to why people were so offended.
And yes........it turned out the reason she was far more clueless than the other adults and children......she was Mormon. It's downright dangerous to be that sexually naive, clueless, and stunted as an adult; yet another example of the cult mindf**k.

That sounds VERY motivational to me......what kind of a "motivational speaker" was she?

She probably motivated a few teens to get busy.

In the ward where I grew up there was a group of older single adults that would get together for activities. One Saturday they got together for a picnic in the park. There was one man, let's call him "William," who apparently had a nice conversation with one of the single older ladies. Only that's not the way he described it.

The next Sunday in Fast and Boastimony meeting (Show and Tell) he told the ward about it. But what he said was, "Sister So-and-So and I stimulated each other in the park yesterday." Sister So-and-So was trying to hide under the pew.

"William" had always been a bit "off." It was generally understood that he'd dropped way too much acid in the 60s.