My son, under great pressure from my ex and his family (they had him meet with missionaries) decided he wanted to be baptized. Since that was his wish, I went ahead and scheduled it, with my ex telling me I could have my son immediately after the baptism (he gets them on the weekends) to spend time with my family and then he would get him back for the remainder of the weekend to spend time with his.
Well, after picking our sons up from his house, his new wife hands me an invitation to the baptism. The invitation states that there will be a party, immediately following the baptism, at his parent's house. She informs me she knows it will be awkward, but I may come, along with my boyfriend. Nice.
They completely shut me and my family, who are TBM's, out of the picture in an obvious play to manipulate my son. What a lying, deceiful, selfish move.

I just want to freaking SCREEEEEEEAAAAAAMMM!
Everyone thinks he is this perfect little saint and this is more of the same old crap. Obviously my family is not going to go to a party hosted by his parents, filled with his family and friends. AWKWARD?? Um, yeah!!!
I can just hear the bull#$*^ now "Oh look at Saint J&*$#, celebrating with is son while the mother is off galavanting."
Nope - I'm the mom who always has and always will care for my children the majority of the time, especially when it is not convenient for him or his career.
I want to rant about him on my Facebook status. I want the world to know what a liar he is. I want to reveal him for his true character. But I can't, because that would hurt my children.
What do I do?

This is going to be all bs, unless your kid is a bonehead which I highly doubt it.

You are doing right by NOT going. People like that are rude and you would endure snide remarks, etc. and it would be in your face rudeness which your son should NOT see. I take it he is young. Tell him you will do something with him later. That was a rude thing they did and shows his character. Some people are just flawed human beings.

I lived with one too. HE was a liar, a cheat and a thief- stole his(our) youngest child's last 20 thousand dollars for college....told the lawyers in the deposition -as we almost went to trial -that he could remember what happended to it. Some people are not to have kids. They can't be a real father....just a fake one ( and that goes for some moms too ) Sorry you are having to deal with this.

Why are you getting your knickers in a twist over a bunch of asshole cult members? You give way too much power to what they think of you.

Fuck 'em. Go see a movie or something. I recommend "The Help".

Ron

Do you have a divorce agreement or anything? They shouldn't be scheduling different pick up or drop off times (by throwing a party) and springing it on you later.

You are supposed to get him back, DON"T allow it.

"I'm sorry "new-wife", DS will be unable to attend your party. Had you given me notice and asked permission, that may have been a possibility, but we have already made plans. Enjoy the party though!"

You are in control of the situation. They are taking advantage. One of the best things you can do for yourself, is STOP worrying about what others think of you. If you pander to everyone, you will please no one. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -Eleanor Roosavelt

Do what is best for your son. Remove your ex's moves from the equation. Does your son want to return to have his time with you, or would he be happier with the party? Let him know up front that your side of the family wasn't invited. When he asks why not, tell him that it was his father's decision.

I can understand why you would be upset that your ex and his wife switched plans before consulting you. That was very disrespectful. And I can also see why you don't want to hang out at the party, even though they invited you and your boyfriend. I wouldn't want to do that if I were in your position.

I agree with Jesus Smith. I think you should take a minute to think about what will be least traumatic for your son. Try not to let this situation turn into a power play between you and your ex.

They are being rude, disrespectful assholes and would totally deserve to have your son's party without your son as a natural consequence

EXCEPT that you love your son and have handled this perfectly so far -- it is about respecting what HE wants, it is HIS choice and HIS day.

By refusing to join a manipulative war using him as a tool, you choose the high road by making this and every other decision about his life his decision. He will see the contrast in the way they talk to him and the way you talk to him.

You: Your dad's family scheduled a party for after the baptism even though it is our time. Since it is a special day for you, I'm ok with your decision of how you want to handle this. They invited me and (boyfriend) but that would be very awkward for us, so we won't be going. It's ok with me either way what you want to do with the rest of the day. Shall we pick you up after the baptism and go do XX like we planned, or would you prefer to stay for the party and we'll pick you up after?

Them: You need to be with us at this special time because we honor your baptism decision and support you in your struggle against your mother's apostacy. This is where Heavenly Father wants you to be and if you pray, the Holy Ghost will confirm it's true. Isn't that great?

It will not take your son long before the love bombing stops and they are asking him details about his masturbating. There will be no respect.

Your son naturally wants the admiration of his father and is torn by the deep bond with you, his mother. To better understand what your son is going through, read Dr. Meg Meeker's book "Boys Must Be Boys." She has some amazing insights which may help you as you move toward finding ways your son can bond with his father without the religion being the focus.

Anagrammy

PS. You are right to keep mum. I kept proof that my exhusband lied about his role in our son having a psychotic break and ending up disabled mentally. I had a tape of him testifying against our son in court following a suicide attempt, effectively sending him to jail where he was placed in isolation and suffered greatly. Twenty years later one of my daughters argued her father's "side" of the story and I told her if she doubted my story, just listen to the tape and I handed it to her. To my astonishment (big lesson for me here, btw), she handed it back and said, "Why do you not want me to have a father? Don't you know it's hard enough to relate to someone who didn't really love you? Why do you want to hurt me more?

If you go to make a statement, he will be mortified and will lose trust in you.

Ana

I'd go. I'd invite all my family to crash the party too. I'd be loudly, chirpily charming to everyone there and make THEM feel awkward...because I wouldn't care what they think of me. I'd tell people that I was happy to let son be baptized if he wants but I personally think it's a load of nonsense. I'd talk to them like they were the wrong ones but I'm being magnanimously patient with their silliness and am hoping for their recovery. I'd make them squirm, while putting on a smiling, supportive front for my son.

But Mormons tend to bring out the inner bitch in me and it seems to be getting worse, not better, the more self-confidence I acquire post-Mormonism. As a second choice, I'd do what Jesus Smith and other posters say ... in other words, do what's best for your son. Then I'd come back here and gripe about your idiot ex and his family. We will have tea and sympathy waiting for you.

if you have aunts, uncles, tbm cousins in town, parents- send them all flyers or tell them its a potluck so they won't run out of food- EVERYONE go. maybe make a little phone call- tell em everyone's coming- even great aunt hazel.

(That's if they're all in town & like that sort of thing) how many people can pull that off.

Leave your son out of it as much as possible. On the issues that you are forced to address because others start the issue then discuss the truth. He will notice a trend of the TBM side of the family bringing up issues and being critical and your truthful and logical answers. This will end up in one of two things happening. 1. Your son comes to you the rest of his life for ligical answers to the discomfort he feels about the TBM side of the family. or 2. He becomes a TBM for them.

You have the best years ahead of you to teach him logic and reasoning as he will want to rebel and GTF out of their rules and guilt in his teens. Be patient. He wants to be a man when he grows up not a subordinate.

Your gift to him will be freedom.