Its kinda funny going back to church after falling away. I recently visited a ward, i think i just went with some friends, and i HATED how almost everyone who went up and bore their testimony always said "I KNOW", i wanted to go up and say, "No you dont know, you believe bitches."

Did I miss anything? Other than the little kids screaming into the microphone that they love their mom and dad, little brother and sister?

Nope, that just about covered it all.

Those meetings used to kill me too! I just never got it. My nevermo wife attended a few fast and testimony meetings and she always said that it was just like a cult how the little kids would get up there and parrot a bunch of crap that they knew nothing about. Just so sad.

When i was on my out, i only went to F&T meetings for a while. You never know what you are going to miss. I witnessed a teenage boy break out into song while bearing his testimony. And then there's the college boy who brings his GF home, and it becomes a PDA/contest to see who can be more spirichul on the pulpit while declaring their love for each other publicly. To top his testimony off, college boy says, in a sincere attempt to flatter GF, "she's just like my mother." And then there is the ward narcissist who takes it upon him/her self to bring a prepared speech for F&T meeting, because they think they are so spaishul and they think they have something important to say. As canned as most of the testimonies are, there were some golden moments there.

Misfit Wrote:
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> When i was on my out, i only went to F&T meetings
> for a while. You never know what you are going to
> miss. I witnessed a teenage boy break out into
> song while bearing his testimony.

That sounds hilarious. How did people react? What did he sing? Please tell more. :)

It was a hymn, but I don't think it was one that could be found in the mormon hymn book. It wasn't familiar to me. This young man is normally the introverted type, and very softspoken when he did talk. So he was talking at his normal decibal level, which means I could barely hear him, he's giving his testimony, and then as a closer he said he wanted to sing something for us. For the most part, people were polite, after all, what do you do in the chapel, but sit there, listen, and let him finish? One friend of mine told me later in private that he thought it was inappropriate. I thought it was great that such a shy kid would have the guts to do something like that, esp. w/out accompaniment.

As a nevermo I have to laugh about all of these "testimonies"....another example of how the bishop is not a trained or educated religious person with a degree....not cut out for prime time....so they let the laymen get up to do an entire Sun. service so they don't have to.

I just can't believe now that as a young boy I started standing up and doing it too. Complete herd mentality. It was a slippery slope from there to a mission.

Fast and Testimony meeting is where I put my foot down. I'll go to missionary farewells and homecomings if I know the kid. I'll go with my husband if he feels like going (which he usually doesn't). But I won't go on fast Sunday. It's too creepy - skin crawling - awful. My biggest pet peeve though is the little kids chanting rehearsed testimonies, who have no idea what they are talking about. They sound so much more brainwashed than the adults. The second biggest pet peeve though is that the adults think the kids are cute when they bear their testimonies.

I know... that what annoyed me most... about fast and testimony... meeting... was the slow... deliberate... cadance... As if pausing... for a few seconds.... after every phrase... was a sign... of how... righteous... you were...

+1!! Just like the Big 15 at Conference. I HATE the condescending, pompous way they speak!!!

As a young man growing up I always thought that F&T meetings were very spooky. It was always the same people repeating the same bullshit. Same ones crying,,listing their falts,,trying to be more mormon. I always set at the back and tried not to laugh. Never once bore a testomony,,never had one.

My pet peeve is being woken up by someone who couldn't go the other way on the pew. Sheesh how rude.

+1 :))

My favorite was an 8 year old boy who said he knew JS wrote the BoM. The air sucked out of the room. I smiled and chuckled under my breath. It was priceless! A month later he got up and and said he knew JS translated the BoM. Darn. But it was fun while it lasted. Lol

along that same line: I remember a little girl testify that she knew we were all children of Jesus.

in Washington State in the 1970s. Every testimony was about "I'm befriending this neighbor . . . "--the third guy up snorted really loud while he was sobbing at the microphone. My friend and I (and he is about 10 years older than I) got a fit of giggles over that one.

Not testimony meeting, but my biggest pet peeve is those who say I KNOW YOU STILL BELIEVE DEEP DOWN. I KNOW you still have a testimony. I KNOW that you will KNOW in the next life that I am right and you are wrong. I turned it on her this time and parroted it back to her in terms of I KNOW in the next life . . .

cl2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> in Washington State in the 1970s. Every testimony
> was about "I'm befriending this neighbor . . .
> "--the third guy up snorted really loud while he
> was sobbing at the microphone. My friend and I
> (and he is about 10 years older than I) got a fit
> of giggles over that one.
>
> Not testimony meeting, but my biggest pet peeve is
> those who say I KNOW YOU STILL BELIEVE DEEP DOWN.
> I KNOW you still have a testimony. I KNOW that you
> will KNOW in the next life that I am right and you
> are wrong. I turned it on her this time and
> parroted it back to her in terms of I KNOW in the
> next life . . .


The best response is:

My temple name is........

Watch them run for the exits.

fast and test-my-patience

"bearing testimony is equivalent to bearing testimony in a court of law"

Yah, right

After seeing numerous F&T meetings( I attended every week in church for two years-sad I know and stupid? I guess so, now looking back) and soon I got used to the same people saying exactly the same thing every month almost like lyrics from a song sheet.


There was the occasional 'Brothers and Sisters I don't normally bare Testimony but felt moved today by the Spirit' and thus proceeded more verbal tripe. lol

The whole thing was very wierd and whats with the crying too !?!?!?!!!?!?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2011 04:42PM by zeezrom.

My biggest pet peeve was the FASTING!

One month after my baptisim, and I knew I had been screwed on this deal! It's bad enough I had to sit and watch all the adults stammer, and cry through mindless ramblings for an hour, but why would you starve an 8 year old boy for 24 hours at the same time! This is worse than water boarding! "OK,..OK,..I'll go up there and tell everyone I "heart" Jesus, Joseph Smith, Mary Poppins and anyone else you want me to, just let me have some of those delicious dry Cherrios that 3 year old is feasting on."

Haha, i just remembered that one time in a singles ward, i saw a couple guys who made bingo cards about what to expect from testimonies. Boxes had stuff like: Woman who cries like a dolphin, Self Righteous Testimony, False Doctrine, etc. That was funny.

If you think that F&T is bad, try AA. Don't get a DUI.

Kid: I know the the twurch is twue, Joseph Swith was a pwophet...I wuv my Mom and Dad and know they wuv me too...Monswon is a wiving pwophet today. Uhm...inthenameofJesusChwistAmen! *runs away from the pulpit*

Parents: -tears in eyes-

Me: . . .

I SWEAR! Every child! As the older kids would get and up say it, it was the same, just more...pwonounced. And I really hated how friends or families would nudge at other people to get up and talk. Or how everyone who sat on your bench got up and bore their testimonies, then give you the fish eye for not following their example.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/30/2011 11:30PM by iShy.

Oh yeah! My favorite is when the brainwashed 4 year olds say "I know this church is true, I love my mom and dad."

Wow! That's deep. Now go drink the Kool Aid.

I could go on all day about this.

The crying! The #$&@$# #($&$ fake crying! Oh, look at this. Jane Mormon is going up there for the sixth month in a row. And she's going on and on, and then she starts fake-crying for the SIXTH #$(&# MONTH IN A ROW. Another *#$#@ fake-cry on the stand. Oh, wait, John Saint is getting up there too, for HIS eleventh month in a row, and you just know he's going to do a fake cry even though he's a man.

Because it just isn't a proper testimony unless you get up there and cry about it. Even though normal human reaction is to get used to something and eventually stop getting emotional about it.

#*(#$* #$*(&#$# *(&@$*(#&$#(# $&@$(!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was once at a Festivus party with Mormons, when I was still a member. We were airing grievances. My second grievance - I was getting into it, and I'm addicted to blunt honesty - was how it drove me crazy to see people obviously pretending to get emotional on the stand. The room went dead quiet, and then the host said that that was the end of the airing of grievances.

Aside from that, for me, F&T was actually better than a normal sacrament meeting. I was in a YSA ward outside of Utah, so we didn't get too many completely brain-dead testimonies, and it was better than listening to Yet Another Terrible Member Talk.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/01/2011 12:28AM by silverlightx.

My favorites:
The lady who came up with props and then proceeded to put on a walkman headphones and sing some three-verse-with-a-reprise song very off-key into the microphone. Might have been better if we could ACTUALLY HEAR the music!

The counselor who (despite fathering 6 kids seems to have no balls) gently sobs every time he's has to speak because he's just so filled with the spirit. And his stories are so trite too. The number of times he's gotten up and said, "Now I know I'm not perfect, and I really need to try harder..." then proceeds to tell you all the many righteousy things he does (daily scriptures etc.).

The woman who held the ward hostage for 45 minutes while she told us all about the book she was going to write...

Oh, the precious nuggets we glean from F&T meeting.

The women who talk like little girls. The men who try to sound like GA's. We had one guy who liked to talk like a prophet of old (used thee thy thou and thine) would get up every 30 days and call us to repentance. it was hilarious. he would prophecy we were all going into outer darkness. He was told by bish to sit down every time! it was like watching saturday night live.

I always had the "Why you, and not me?" question running through my mind. Why did God provide others with sure knowledge or spiritual witnesses and leave me out of the picture? There has to be something wrong with me if I'm not worthy of God's consideration, right? Of course, I can see it now for what it really is (or isn't) but the damage has been done.

In reality, your just not that gullible!