Merely two years ago, even less than two years ago I was a happy mormon, I found my strength and happiness mostly from the lds church and the lds scriptures, I loved my calling, well I still do, and I thought all was well. Almost all was well, I mean overall life was good, there were times I'd be sad or felt down but those days were rare, there were other times when I was tired and overwhelmed but kept going, and there were times when I dragged myself to church and days I hated dealing with the self-righteous, perfect Pharisees in the ward, but I managed. I’m not in the morridor or a highly lds community and many people my age are converts, I’m also in a very multi-cultural area which gives variety, you can go days without seeing mormons around if you want to. Anyway, my life was good but I also noticed that life was good for many people who were not members of the church, of any church or who even claimed to be agnostic or atheist, but I thought there were being blessed because they must be doing something well I didn’t know about.

Last year my world changed, I went through ups and downs while learning about the church. I went through all these states:
I believe with all my heart
I believe almost everything
Oh my, the introduction of the BoM changed, I don’t think I can believe
The church is still good even if it is all not true, it’s a good church and NOT a cult
Well, the church maybe is not as good as I thought, but it’s still OK
Oh my, maybe the church is not true and it’s even damaging
Ok, the church keeps its members in the dark and takes their money and it damages people
Is it a church? Is it a corporation? Is it a MLM scheme?

As you can imagine I had ups and downs but I think I’ve come to terms with all this and have found that I am actually happier now that I do not believe. Those down moments are even more rare. It is scary to think I’m not special but it is empowering to know that I must look out for myself, this makes me happier. I still attend church and I still hold my calling but those Pharisees do not get to me anymore, I smile at them and can actually handle them even better. I serve better and I care more. The relationships with my family members have improved. Here are some comments I’ve heard lately.

I like this new sister better, you are much more fun.
What do you speak so loud now? What happen to your soft voice? Ha ha I think I’ve lost it.
Are you using a new product on your face? It looks good

I’ve read posts from many of you saying how you have become happier and those suffering from depression have even stopped or lower your medications, but I never thought I could be happier. I was fine before I am better now. I don’t know how life will be tomorrow or even in five minutes but I have more internal peace and joy than when I was TBM. I find that at church there are a lot of sad, tired and overwhelmed people, not everyone of course but many. I even find all the jack mormons are the most amazing mormons there are. Was I happy before? Yes. Am I happier now? You bet.

Thanks to all of you for you who read, who post and the exmo community in general, I have learned more about Mormonism in the past 22 months than I did in my over 20 years of being a good mormon woman,

And now I beginning to believe that yes, you can be happier after leaving the church.

D

I have to say that I felt instant relief and joy the minute I left because the morg never gave me an instant of real joy or satisfation, only fear, guilt, confussion, and distress.

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!!!!!

Ditto what Cheryl said, over and over.

deconverted2010 Wrote:
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> ...I was a happy mormon...


And I was an unhappy Mormon. I was spiraling down and down in a vortex of self-loathing -- even though I was a good Mormon. Which just made me unhappier. I was doing what I should, but True Happiness® never came. At least not while I was in the church.

I got out of he mormons many years ago. Over the years I have seen so much pain and suffering from them in the name of religion,,it is unreal. The control,, shame,,guilt,,having "church callings",,discrimation against non mormons. What kind of "religion" is that? It seems that god is always mad at someone or something,,you haven't done. The list goes on,,,,

I was a happy Mormon. I'm a SUPER DUPER AWESOME PRETTY FUCKING GODDAMNED HAPPY AND FULFILLED INDIVIDUAL ex-Mormon.

So yes, I am much happier now.

For me personally I get happier everyday. It was a huge downer at first but I have come out of that hole now and still climbing.

But the real joy is in discovering who I really am inside and living life the way I want to. Leaving the church forces a lot of painful introspection, but it is extremely rewarding.

Hopefully, none you have to spend time in a psych hospital to figure that out, like I did. ;-)

At first it's hard. But in the long run the comfort of true freedom far outweighs all the misery that comes when first going through the BS. The hardest part now (for me 11 years later) is the occasional BS I get from TBM relatives/others. What they do reminds me of the men who brag about their penises all the time. However I get less BS as time goes on because whenever they try to throw it on me I just have a strong urge that's hard to hide to just laugh at their silliness. The devout TBM's don't like it when I look like I'm mocking them so we just don't have substantive conversations about their silly cult.

I was a busy, overwhelmed mother in Zion while a member! :-) I was happy probably because of my natural personality.

I am much happier now as a former LDS member, probably because I don't have the pressure of a kids at home, a part time job, making ends meet with "Murphy's Law" on my heals, etc. and because we are retired and living in a quiet area that helps also.

I am happier now because I don't answer to any ecclesiastical leaders, don't have any pressure to comply with religious teachings of any sort (I chose my own teaching guilds), and I am free to live my life on my own terms.

It's a different kind of happiness, but it still comes from the same place: inside me!

Sooooo much happier! Now I spend many of my sundays at the "church of golf" instead of yawning my way through sacrament mtg. Yay for being an atheist! I don't miss any of the religion stuff at all.

Happier? I've never really been happy, But I am much less frustrated. I couldn't stand keeping company with doe-eyed conformist mombies.

Yeah, I'm happier AND healthier in both body and mind. I cannot emphasize this enough to family who remain in that fucking cult called Mormonism. I had recurring severe and acute illnesses all throughout my imprisonment in in that godfersakin mess of an organization, yet was expected to give my all to callings, assignments, and so-called duties which included going around with my begging bowl to collect tithes n offerings. There was no thought of my safety, just get there and collect da money through rain and heat. Shitty deal.

What someone else said in their response, I could breath easier and the gloom and doom depression which came about for unknown reasons, or so I thought, was gone. I could finally think for myself and not be told I was 'evil'. How that fucking cult convinced me that thinking was bad is beyond me. I guess it was something they put in the sacrament water. Damn, I am pissed at all the time and energy I wasted in needless worrying about how my so-called Heavenly Father and Dear Brother Jesus saw me.

I have no delusions about being able to move mountains or raising dead people through some magical fucking authority invested in me. Nor that thousands of people are scrambling to be baptized and would do so through my example. Are they fucking nuts? I read their stupid BOM over lunchbreaks at work and people thought I was weird.

So, yeah. I'm happy, healthy, and no longer weird!

I always had those unanswered questions.

I was BIC, and abused by my older brother, until I married an abusive RM in the temple. To save my life, I got a divorce.

Even though I was divorced, and was considered "used goods," I still persisted in the cult. They always needed organists and teachers--but I was never just myself.

Jump ahead 20 years, and I ended up in Utah, twice divorced, with children, a working mother, struggling to raise my children alone--always trying to somehow live my mother's privileged, glamorous life. She was a Salt Lake Society maven, RS President, the wife of a bishop and stake president, a beauty queen, and a musical performer. If I was anything less, I fell short. Well, I never had her faith or her husband or her money--but I took the blame and beat myself up over my failures.

When I left the cult, I left all this personal baggage behind, as well as the "Joseph Smith lied" baggage. It has been a long, hard road to self-acceptance, and I still haven't arrived. I got my children out, and I love them dearly. The second we left, all our lives improved. With all our struggles--Mormonism was our worst struggle of all.

Yeah, I thought I was depressed, too, but it was just the cult brainwashing. What a downer it all was! How beautiful the moments are now!

The only thing I'm sad about is the loss of my Mormon fake-friends. The shunning does get to me. Still, that is the worst they can do to us now. The children and I were treated much worse when we were members. I'm sad that I carry the burden of ill feelings toward so many people--but I try not to think about Mormons--even though they are all around me.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/01/2011 03:18AM by forestpal.

Happy Mormon --> Unhappy Mormon --> Unhappy non-Mormon --> Happy non-Mormon.

Who said, "The truth will make you free, but first it'll piss you off."

The truth will also ultimately make you happier.

A quantum increase in happiness for sure.

Yet it is more than happiness IMO.

I feel more:

Centered, whole, complete and at-one (ironic as this is supposed to be an effect of the atonement [at-one-ment])

Wonderment and awe at reality (without all the magical bullshit)

Unburdened (as the entire weight of mormonism and its narrow, sphincter-clinching worldview, and its controlling abusive leadership evaporates)

Curious and eager (to truly understand the 90% of the world and its people that I had arrogantly dismissed as heathen and unworthy)

Relaxed and buzzed (from sipping a most excellent glass of American Honey over ice)

Yah this is SO much more than mere happiness.

Of course, they mormons don't believe me. Let's say--I'm more at peace.

I still have problems, but I face them different.

The thing that has been OBVIOUS to me the past few days is I've had a lot of problems with my son in the past few years after his divorce and sometimes that little nagging voice comes back "if you were active mormon." My neighbors--he was one of the most recent bishops--their son has the exact same problems mine does. Maybe they just aren't that worthy?!?!? (ha ha ha)

For me--my life was a horrible mess as a mormon. I never looked back once I figured out it was bull.

I really was as a believer! I was obsessed with demons and Satan just like the rest of the cult members.

If people were less happy after they left, it wouldn't be a reason to keep lying to yourself.

I read an online book called "the authoritarians" by a psychology researcher, it is about people who follow authoritarian rulers. They seem to be happier because they don't feel guilt over what they do, they put the responsibility for it onto other people and just do what they are told to. It makes the world a crappier place for everyone else though, so it comes at a price. Those people are probably happier as slaves, but happier isn't better necessarily. Some things should make people upset, so they act to fix them.

my two cents as someone whose mood is mostly down no matter what I do.

More happy than I hve ever been. Love life now.

Happier, healthier, empowered,and loving life! The Yoke is easy and the burden is light. LOL

Nothing is ever enough when you are Mormon.

Not only am I happier, I am a better person--more compassionate. Charity is better when it comes from within, not as an order from a superior.

Anagrammy

Once I finally stopped going to church I would just have this smile on my face on Sunday mornings. I couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face. I'd check in the mirror to see what was happening. My face felt like something unfamiliar was over-coming it--this sensation of facial muscles being used or stretched in ways that I wasn't used to. And there in the mirror was proof: I wasn't undergoing some horrible disfigurement, I wasn't experiencing a "darkening of countenance," some facial tic or twitch or pigment change. My face had all the evidence of joy on it, the joy the church always promised but never delivered. I was happy, maybe the happiest I'd ever been in my life.

On some instinctive level, some basic, primal life-affirming level, my body knew that I was out and that I was free of the being bossed around, of being on call for what amounted to a summons at any time of the day or night to go do someone's bidding. How many times had I, as Elders' Quorum President, been working with just two or three other guys to move someone or box up their stuff because they hadn't prepared properly for a move? How often had I had to drop everything to suit up and go give a blessing to an acquaintance from church or go help with an Eagle's project or mow someone's lawn or go visit strangers with the missionaries I barely knew? I was always so inspired by the Book of Mormon teaching that whenever we serve one another we are serving God. Well, I like to serve. I like to help others. I like to do good, to make the world a little better and brighter for my efforts. But I like to have a life too and I like to feel I matter and I like to own myself, to be a free man. Now I have money and time to give to people and causes that I want to give to, that reflect the things I care about. I am directed by my own sense of right and wrong, and by my own values, which I became aware were decidedly more liberal as I eased myself out of the church.

So yes, I am happier, more alive, more free to be myself, more me and more the unique being God created me to be (if there ever was a God why oh why wouldn't He want me to be what He made me to be?). I felt so happy and free not to be going to church, not be summoned to appear somewhere within the hour, and not to dread a phone call or a knock on my door by someone wanting to impose more busy-ness upon me. I wouldn't trade that newfound sense of freedom for anything. The church can go rot in a cow's colon for all I care.

Now my biggest wish is for my family to get out of the busywork, money-grabbing, guilt machine that is the church. I see them without time; I see them sleepy (especially the teens); I see them stressed; I see them talking, gossiping really, about this person or that person in the ward, or this calling or that temple trip or...God, it's such a tiny little world and they spend inordinate amounts of time worrying about it in all its inconsequentialness. How exhausting. How purposeless.