I found this guys profile on mormon.org
Bare in mind, HE HAS A WIFE!


I am sexually attracted to other males. For awhile, I struggled with how a loving Heavenly Father could allow for me to be attracted to other males, and then ask me to abstain from same-sex relationships. However, as I have tried to deal with my attractions in a Christ-like manner, I have found that He really does love me. I have grown so much spiritually as I have learned to deal with my same-sex attractions. I now understand that everyone has challenges in this life. I am no different. The Church has a high standard on morality. The only sexual relationships that are permitted are between a man and his wife. This may prove difficult for both people with same-sex and opposite-sex attractions. However, I believe that by obeying this law, we can gain greater peace and happiness. God does know what is best for us, and He gave us this law to bless us. Same-sex marriage distorts what marriage is all about. It is based on the lie that because you are attracted to the same sex, you need to be in a same-sex relationship in order to be "true to yourself". Many members of the Church can testify that this is not true. Some have found peace and joy in celibacy, and others gone on to have faithful and fulfilling marriages. For a long time, I thought I couldn't get married, but the Lord has blessed me to develop a sexual attraction to a beautiful woman and we have a wonderful marriage.


Seriously, what a load of BS!

Now, imagine you are this guys wife and you read about how he is sexually attracted to other males. And that it's God getting him to fancy you in a sexual way (putting aside the question about God getting him to fancy blokes first).

How do you feel about that?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/04/2011 05:37AM by Stumbling.

I do find it interesting that he claims "I believe that by obeying this law, we can gain greater peace and happiness" but at no point does he claim that he has really found peace or happiness.

That whole post sounded like someone trying to fake it till they make it and that it is not working.

My suggestion to the wife... RUN AWAY. Actually I think it good advice to both.

I really feel sorry for this guy's wife. She has to know that he is living a lie.

My money is on that she does know.

Been there, done that, got the T shirt and it was the most devastating time of my life when I found out my ex was gay. No spouse should have to live a lie like that. I couldn't and I left the marriage.

At least now she knows why she always had to wear a Brad Pitt mask when they had sex. Elaine, do you have a link to this profile? I want to see if I might know him.

http://mormon.org/me/17DT/Joshua/

It isn't on his profile, it's an answer to one of the questions someone posted.

I think that thing that stands out to me the most is that IF someone gay is taught from a young age to accept themselves as they are, my husband would be able to find a partner and be monogamous--but you live a double life for so long and you can expect a lot of damage.

I can see how mormonism damaged him. I can also see how this situation damaged me. I was asked to become an "IT"--I couldn't become a man, but I knew it was not a good thing to be female in my marriage.

There is something very damaging going on deep down.

I had a hell of a time with puberty--hated it. I had finally come into my own in my 20s--feeling feminine. It has taken a long time to start feeling feminine again and I'm still working on it.

But then every mormon is asked to suppress who they are.

That doesn't even get into the subject of the kids. The leaders don't even have a clue what this does to all of us--and THEY DO NOT CARE.

I used to believe like this guy is talking. Living on this side of the equation--this is much better. So nice not to have secrets. So nice to live true to myself.

My very, very TBM daughter and I were in an American Eagle store the other day and a guy came up to wait on us. Then she purchased something and as she purchased it, he said, "My wife . . . ." When we walked out of the store, she said, "Oh man, not another one!?!?!?"

So Clever. First, they lie to you, then they teach you to lie to yourself. You can't beat that, it's genius.

"Thank you master, I LOVE my new chains!"

I am just sick for the guy's wife. She is being mentally and emotionally raped by the church.

And the guy is full of it. One thing I found out back in the day, is that as they say in the psych community, "Suppression is reinforcement." Oh, yes. Back in my younger days, I have to say I found tons of peace and joy and fulfillment in celibacy, suppression and denial. Yesssireee---can't get enough of that stuff!

(and I have serious doubts that it is)......

.... then it's evidence of the absolute WORST kind of brainwashing that transcends the reality of who this guy is.

His opening statement is "I AM sexually attracted to other males." (Not I "was"...)

Acting on this brainwashed message results in the pain & anguish felt by my ex-wife, by Gemini, by cl2, and by thousands of LD$ women who find themselves married to gay men.

There are no "blessings" resulting from living a lie.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/04/2011 10:45AM by PapaKen.

Somebody made that dude up. He's not real.

Just sayin'...

Ron

My exact sentiments. When I read the fine print that allows the church to change the content of profiles, I felt sure we would be seeing some profiles which "to protect privacy" are "based on" a "compilation" of real people.

That's Mormon-speak for made up.

That woman will see her husband's picture on this (which they reserve to use however they see fit--like attached to a made-up profile) and she will say

WTF?

And he will say-- "Yeah, they used my profile, but I don't know where they got the stuff about...."

Wheeeee! The shit is about to hit the fan!

Anagrammy

I see no reason to think this is made up.

The profile starts with

I am attracted to men

and ends with a fairy-tale ending that is mind-boggling:

The Lord blessed me with a sexual attraction to a beautiful woman and we are happily married.

Do you believe that one of the blessings of obeying the laws and ordinances of the gospel is that the Lord of creation will give you a pass on your gender orientation for one individual of the wrong gender?


Anagrammy

I have seen lots of testimonies that start with what a person struggles with and ends with god coming through for them. The process you describe seems to be a standard format.

Add to that that I know several men that went through similar process before they can out. I believe the term would be "deluded".



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/05/2011 12:15AM by MJ.

That is why I think it's made up -- it completely goes against the experiences of all the gays who post here and the ones I personally know.

But I get where you're coming from. This is apparently what happens when they do the Gay Mild Meld on some poor guy who goes into the bishop and "confesses."

So you're saying it is sincere but the man has been brainwashed. I wonder if there are others --I mean it seems just head-shaking weird that one would believe God gave you a sexual attraction to one particular individual so you could bear children, but gave you the wrong sexual attraction to begin with.

Nuts! But yeah--the whole thing is nuts.

Anagrammy

It does not go against my experience as a gay man (though I did not go through that stage) I have seen similar stories posted here and told to me IRL. The difference being, the people that have come out are PAST that stage so the ENDING is different.

Please do not tell a gay person (me) what goes against the experiences of gays.

I will post a line from my previous post you seem to have missed "Add to that that I know several men that went through similar process before they can out. I believe the term would be "deluded"."

You can go to any exgay ministry that posts stories and see the same thing over and over.

Here is a long list of stories from exodus International, I think you will find lots of similar themes :

http://exodusinternational.org/resources/real-stories/

Now, if you are going to try to say that all the exgay stories are made up, that the experiences of my friends was made up, that testimonies are made up, well, I think I would start backing out of the room and calling authorities.



Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 10/05/2011 01:06AM by MJ.

Actually, this guy is totally real. I know him personally, but for reasons of confidentiality, I can't say much more. I assure you, he is not only real, but he also talks just like the profile. He is a very sincere kid, but we disagree on a great many things.

I will simply say that I was once deeply involved in the business of trying to change my sexual orientation, but I got out when I realized the futility of it all. On the other hand, this young man has been thoroughly duped by the ex-gay movement. If you read his profile carefully, you will see that his comments are entirely consistent with the ex-gay talking points. The leaders of the movement are losing the "change" argument, so they substitute real change for a "change" in spiritual disposition. Within their convoluted worldview, they can still experience "same-sex attractions" but live a happily married life with a partner of the opposite sex. This view is totally harmonious with their agenda, even if the rest of us recognize the insanity of it.

This poor kid is very zealous and idealistic, and in my perception, he has also been deceived by the movement.

But I know from personal experience the pretzel a person has to twist oneself into in order to fit the happy hetero mold - and I doubt it was as easy for me, being bisexual, as it is for someone who is full-blown Judy Garland gay.

There was a kid I used to work with a couple of years ago. He was a self-righteous, hypocritical windbag who could not. shut. the f@#k. up. about his mission. This kid was, as another poster recently put it, "so far in the closet he could see Narnia". One time, after he confessed to me that he'd tried smoking that spice incense with some friends, he said with a sly grin, "I believe you should try everything once." There were many other occasions and hints that make it pretty hard to believe this kid was heterosexual.

He talked about how he somehow snuck Metallica on his mission on an ipod or something, but he didn't get in trouble because his MP had said "if something inspires you, then listen to it". He claimed Metallica inspired him. I shot back, "gee, we can justify anything if we try hard enough!" He agreed with me, with no hint of irony.

Later on, he got engaged and picked up a cushy job with his future FIL, and quit abruptly in the middle of one of the busiest times of the year. Luckily my jack-mormon friend and her Marine husband were in town on leave, and needed an excuse to avoid her uber-uber-uber-uber-TBM in-laws. Imagine.. our TBM boss gets screwed over by the TBM employee from his ward, and my not-so-TBM friends are the ones that save us.

Oh, god. Where was I going with this? Oh.. anyhow, I've been tempted to look up his profile. But I'm afraid it would cause me to violently wretch up my coffee and cereal.

Sorry to hijack the thread, but my point is at least this "Joshua" has the courage to admit his "SSA", which is something I still don't have the guts to do publicly, and I'll bet my shpirchul former co-worker doesn't have the guts to either. Hopefully Joshua's wife is at least aware of his "tendencies", so she's not blindly going along thinking that things are just peachy. Whether she thinks he can "change" or not is a different story.

The sheep mentality is strong in this one. It's always better to live a lie and drown in denial than to actually be who you are. *eye roll*

I say: so what. Sometimes the spouse knows, sometimes now.
It's their lives to handle anyway they want.

Could be...they are rare but they do exist.

I had a fling with a dude about 10 years ago who was divorced at the time. He professed his love for me and chased me hard to commit. I wouldn't do it and we broke it off. A couple years down the road he remarried and appears to be very happy with her. He talks about her in very loving terms (soulmate, lifemate, best friend & lover). I do know she keeps him on a short leash. I wonder if he has difficulty keeping his impulses under control and whether he has to cheat on occasion.

It isn't THAT SIMPLE. They had no choices here. I KNEW and I felt I had no choices. My ex knew he was gay and he felt he had no choices.

My life is really good now, but there are STILL DAYS I cry over what happened to my life. My ex cries over the years he lost with his kids when he burst out of the closet and went to look for himself. It ISN'T PRETTY.

The LDS church didn't allow them to make it THEIR LIVES.

And I used to even ask my ex WHY DID YOU TELL ME? I wish I had never known. UNTIL I met women who didn't know. They spend their lives blaming themselves for their husbands not being attracted to them. The mental anguish they feel over this and not knowing their husband is gay is beyond imagination. I knew and I still had self-esteem issues. I've talked to those who didn't know and it was much worse.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/04/2011 04:44PM by cl2.

c12, you got one thing out of the deal and that is a lot of depth and understanding that some will never have. As a gay man that helplessly watched too many gay guys at BYU get married, I have to say, I felt sorry for them, but mostly I felt sick to death for their wives.

Whether you know your husband is gay or not, it is a trip to hell to be married to a gay man, and I am just as sick that anyone would trivialize your experience. ( I don't mean to diminish any of the good times)

I love all of you extra.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/04/2011 07:16PM by blueorchid.

reading this story. Many ex-wives of gays say they didn't have much sex with their gay husbands. We had no problems with sex AT ALL. My honeymoon was wonderful.

BUT my ex is absolutely NOT bisexual.

The way it is written I would think that he is not. The statement "For a long time, I thought I couldn't get married, but the Lord has blessed me to develop a sexual attraction to a beautiful woman" makes me believe that there has only been ONE woman he was ever attracted to and that isn't typical of bisexuals at all.

So What???? That's one of the most insensitive things I've ever seen you post on here. You.Have.NO.Idea.

gemini Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So What???? That's one of the most insensitive
> things I've ever seen you post on here.
> You.Have.NO.Idea.


It works for me, remember I'm talking and sharing what works for me. If it doesn't work for you, then ignore it.
Why get upset over what works for someone else?
We can't all be the same.
We deal with Mormonism on our own terms.
It's a "So what" issue for me. I make it a non-issue and don't bother other people about their religion and they don't bother me about it either.
So it works for me.:-)
The personal sexual issues are a "so what" for me. And it might be for them also.
I happen to know a couple, personally that purposely married and she knew he was gay. It was fine with them. He wanted a child and it worked for them.'So it was a "so what" issue for them also.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/04/2011 08:02PM by SusieQ#1.

For starters his is not just living his own life, he is promoting that life as legitimate and healthy and it not. By pushing that lifestyle publicly, he invites public criticism of what he is claiming.

Second, if they continue to follow that path the LDS lays out, they will have children, then this decision goes way beyond just the two of them.

And IMHO some of what susie says works for her is down right unhealthy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/04/2011 08:34PM by MJ.

she's the bat shit crazy aunt they keep locked up in the attic. for a reason.

I for one loves me some SQ#1, but please, for the love of god do not engage her in anything that means anything important to you.

As you have the sense not to do with with batshit crazy aunt they keep up in the attic.

she actually serves a purpose, but talking to her in this regard will serve no good.

say hi, wave, give her an oreo. but please do not engage her.

she is wonderful on a summer afternoon porch. leave it at that.