As some of you may recall, my kid brother got his orders to go to Colorado. Well, he went to the MTC last Wednesday. He called me at about 11:45AM; our conversation was thus:

Bro: "So, um, I'm leaving today."
Me: "I know. You're making a monumental mistake, dude."
Bro: "I'm not having this conversation with you."
Me: "I know. But you know I had to say it."

And that was about it. I also had to go to class at noon, so it wasn't like I could talk. Anyway, I fumed and cried for a few days, Flattop pulled me together (he's doing quite well for those that are interested, he's in Rome right now I think) and I decided to take the high road. Sure, he's selling out to some crazy fucking religion. And sure it's my mormon siblings that have promised to write and support him. But I know better than that -- I know that out of the 6 kids in my family, I'm the only one that's ever written notes, keeps track of thank you cards, and generally keep my word. So screw them, I'm gonna be the cool one, and write him every single fucking day.

Oh yeah, I said it. EVERY DAY. Why? Well, we usually talked ever day, or every other day, during the school year. Not a lot, like 10 minutes, but we were the youngest, you know? He's my brother.

I am angry that I haven't seen him in nearly 2 years already. I'm angry that he didn't come visit me and that he's going to miss my college graduation. But, whatever, it's not like he'd come anyway.

So the hockey preseason started yesterday, so if nothing else, I'll send him scores everyday. I know him -- there's no way he'll ignore hockey for 2 years.

That said, I want to send him a pre-paid cell phone when he gets out of the MTC, just so he knows that if he absolutely needs something, he can call. But do they search packages that are sent out? I have no idea and am kinda concerned. Also what are the chances of him getting a lame-ass partner that isn't okay with it? I'm so far removed I don't even know.

I don't know if they search, but I'm pretty sure that prepaid cell phones have expiration dates on the minutes. I think some companies like straight talk allow you to purchase reload cards (from walmart I believe), so the best idea might be to get him the phone and a reload or activation/minutes card, and have him activate it only when he needs it (rather than having minutes on the phone to use or loose in 60 days or so).

And as a big Flattop fan, I'm always glad for an update (and he's actually really conscientious about answering my e-mails; I just know how busy he is); I howled over the two of you raising cain about the mishies on campus...

Alas, it's time to let go of your brother and let him have his own path...

I understand; there was a setback in the Cabbie family when a grand-niece of mine was baptized... First one in a couple of generations of unrepentant heretics...

We are contending against powerful forces...

He worked with me Monday morning, and I tried to talk a bit about mormon cultism, but he generally doesn't get into it with me and is very indoctrinated. So I have told him to make the most of the situation by getting to know people and enjoy the different culture (he's going to Bolivia)

Oh and btw, I've already watched preseason hockey and the Leafs will rock this year! My son is also a big Leafs fan so I will keep him up to date. An indoctrinated mormon is very difficult to talk to about anything factual, or logical.

Good for you in your promise to write. My friends daughter went on a mission to Argentina and I wrote her once a week. I knew what she was getting from friends and family, so kept my letters newsy and informative about life in the world if you were not on a mission. Sent articles from the newspaper, pictures of her friends and sisters when they made the sports page, etc. Its the best thing you can do.

The best place to buy it is at Costco. Get him two, so if the first runs out, he won't have to pay a surcharge for adding minutes to it. It's a little less than 2.9 cents a minute, with no hidden fees. There is a charge when using pay phones.

These days, I see mishies with cell phones. We have them over for dinner occasionally. The mishies use them to confirm/cancel appointments, let people know they are running late, etc. I'm sure an AP(assistant to the mission president) wouldn't give a second thought to finding a cell phone in their apartment. We were never searched in the MTC, but the APs did search our apartments in the mission field, but only once in a great while. Bastards.

Please note that the cell phones are mission provided, one to each compaionship. The usage, especially long distance, is monitored. They are told these are for mission use only, not calls home.

Also, he will be told to have only the church authorized email account, which is also monitored. Yes, the content of his emails will be monitored.

Even if he won't admit it, mission life sucks. He will welcome every letter/note/post card he gets from you.

Hockey scores, weather observations, political election results, it doesn't matter what you send, he will treasure it. Bashing the church can be done, but depending on your brother you may need to keep it low key.

To really let him know you love him, write a letter on the back of the paper place-mat at the local Chinese restaurant. It'll remind of everything he's missing and confirm that you are thinking about him and not his manufactured title of "Elder".

Stunted.

he won't feel so isolated from the world. You should also monitor the local news where he is stationed, let him know if anything unsafe is going on.

when people make decisions we don't like.
But, it's their life. It's not up for discussion, and we don't have any power over their decisions.

I'm considering this from what I would want and how I would like to be treated:
Maybe it's better to just be a support system, in a positive way, dealing with the nit and gritty of life, rather than inflict our personal opinions into someone else's life. I know I would like it if someone was challenging my decisions. They are about my life not theirs anyhow.

I think it's best to just shut up when we have no power or authority over the situation. Say your piece, once, then let it go. It's not your life anyhow.

People generally want support not arguments and debates. So often, with LDS folks, they automatically dig in more if they are challenged. Even if it's awful, they won't say so or share anything about it.

Just my two cents, from finding out what works and doesn't work, from trial and error.

Funny, depending on the person I LIKE it when they challenge my decisions. I have avoided many mistakes by listening to people when they say "You're making a monumental mistake"

I am grateful that I have friends that will give me input that I do not want to hear, listening to them is a way I use to AVOID monumental mistakes.

puck Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> So the hockey preseason started yesterday, so if
> nothing else, I'll send him scores everyday. I
> know him -- there's no way he'll ignore hockey for
> 2 years.
>

If that's the case and you also watch hockey. Don't just send the score but send some highlights from his favorite teem worded like:

Dude, you should have seen the shot so and so made. It was unbelievable!"

You should have seen the huge fight. It went on for something like 10 minutes

So and so checked so and so so hard he was out of the game. wish you saw it, you could almost hear the bones snap.

Haha, MJ, you're right! I don't watch a lot of hockey because I'm usually in the school library, but I hadn't thought of putting the highlights like that. Thanks for a terrific idea!

And SusieQ, I understand what you're saying about letting people make their choices. I know he had to make his -- but that doesn't mean it's a *good* choice.

I'm not writing about religion, I'm just writing down what I would have said if I could call him up. Like today a friend of mine emailed me an article from the NYT about Brendan Shanahan running a camp to test out new rules ideas for the NHL. I wrote about that.


Thanks guys for being encouraging, especially the advice about phone cards. I don't really know how these things work, so I really really appreciate it.

Because he is in Colorado you should try to get his REAL address, not the one that they use that goes through the church. It will change alot obviosly but if it goes directly to his apt and not the church mail the only other person who will "see" it is his companion. Sometimes the letters and packages sent through the church mail system are looked at, and sometimes the contents are reported to the MP.
I am sorry about your brother. Keep the conversations light and non church related. Keep giving him a taste of home.

I'm worried about him getting depressed because he's in a ritzy Central CA area and no one is going to join. He keeps writing that he knows it will get better soon because they are working hard and praying . . . It won't lead to him deciding the church is not true, it will lead to bitterness (another brother is still terribly bitter and self righteous 5 years after his mission).

But I'm writing my brother weekly, not mentioning religion, trying to make him feel good, talking about anything that won't be offensive (I offended the other brother on his mission and I think that contributed to his bitterness--I sent this quote: "Religion requires the customer to purchase a product he hasn't seen, while being convinced it has an eternal shelflife--reason enough why it's turned over to trained salespersons and other such missionaries." From Footloose etc.).

I'm sending him packages too. Because I love him and I'm worried about him, and also because when he wants to think all nonMos are bad, or if he gets mad that I'm not attending (or if he ever finds out about my book, which has an anti-Mo character), I won't lose him entirely.

my part of Colorado give me a holler. Maybe I could take him and his companion out to eat sometime. I don't want to be too specific but it's the San Luis Valley. It's a pretty big place so he could still be too far from me.

You can send me an email at osopup45@yahoo.com if he's ever in my area and if he'd let an old apostate feed him.

I lived out there for a number of years. If he will be covering any notable distance by car (i.e 30 miles or so,) even along the front range, he should carry survival gear in the back trunk -- blankets, food, water, down/insulated clothing, flashlight, etc. It can snow eleven months of the year out there. Freak snowstorms are not unusual, and you never know when you'll be stuck in it. Best to be prepared. I would also advise that he get insulated boots (Kamick Canucks or similar,) and long underwear, at least two sets. My bet is that he'll fall in love with Colorado. Probably won't have much luck proselytizing, though. ;-)

Bet he'd love some silk long undies, though.

He's going to Denver.

I don't think he'll have a problem with the cold and snow -- we were raised in New Hampshire and Maine, after all. He definitely should know to carry an emergency kit, Summer, but being my airheaded brother, I wouldn't put it past him to not even think about it. apparently he forgot to bring paper to write letters on in the MTC. Brilliant kid, my brother.


darkprincess, thanks for the mention of getting his real address. I didn't know that I'd ever have anything but! I guess we learn something every day.

Thanks again for all the support, everyone.

When I quit Mormonism, one of my TBM relatives called to say he felt I was making "a big mistake"--and needless to say, that didn't go over too well with me.

I'd just tell him, "Hey, glad it works for you. But you know it really doesn't work for me. I am going to have a hard time being supportive just because I dislike the doctrines myself... but you know I love you and hope you are safe."

Denver North or South? If North, he'll be dipping into Wyoming, and the winters can get brutal up here - roads closed, 60mph winds, the works. GOOD emergency kit highly recommended, like a full set of Carhartts, food, sleeping bag, etc.

If your brother is in Laramie and finds himself running low on food, needs to use the phone, or whatever, tell him to look for a house with a turquoise Jeep, knock on the front door and tell me that Puck sent him. I'll hook him up.

If he is transferred to the Springs area ( it's only 70 miles south) would you mind letting me know? My TBM mom likes to feed the mishies...that would be a very interesting 6 degrees :)

The thing that's different about the weather in the Rockies, Puck (as opposed to New England, where I grew up,) is the unpredictability of it and the lightning speed with which it can change. It confounds even the weather reporters. I can't remember the number of times I was listening to a weather report on the radio, and the announcer stopped when he looked out the window and said, "Well that's obviously wrong." You can start out the day in shorts and end it in snow pants, and vice-versa. It can also vary radically from the eastern slope to the western slope even within the same space in time -- snowing on one side, sunny on the other. Plus, your brother will be spending long chunks of time outdoors, which he may or may not be used to. Hence my suggestion for good quality snow boots.

I used to hear about many motorists getting stranded on Highway 36 between Boulder and Denver during heavy snowstorms. Ditto for I-70 going west of Denver. I personally saw many cars stranded there over the course of numerous snowstorms.

This has got to be real hard for you. I hope you do write daily or every other day. The prepaid phone card is his ticket out and he will realize your concern. Is he going to be in the states?....havent' been on here awhile. Good luck to both of you. I bet you will be the best, most caring sibling of the bunch!

The weather really is unpredictable there...I didn't see a white Xmas for years and it always snows on my birthday in mid-Spring. Denver occassionally gets tornadoes (seriously!)
There have been periods of severe drought in the last decade and I remember when it rained for a month straight.