Posted by:
Gorspel Dacktrin
(
)
Date: October 12, 2011 08:46AM
"I am not a Mormon" ads just as a rebuttal to the message that's implied in the "I am a Mormon" ads--namely, that Mormonism has some kind of secret recipe for producing happy, wholesome, cheerful people who live especially blessed lives?
Oops! Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I may have given the Church's PR firms some ideas. They'll probably start making their own "I am not a Mormon" ads, featuring old guys living in dumpsters, crack-addict mothers selling their babies for another ziploc baggy full of crack, prison inmates, porn-obsessed sex offenders...you know, the only kinds of people there are amongst those benighted non-Mormon types.
"And so after experimenting with green tea, I moved up to coffee-flavored ice cream and started hanging out with the wrong crowd. Next thing you know, I'm wearing plaid shirts on Sundays and not going to any kind of church. That was five years ago. I met some Mormon missionaries once and they said that they had something that could change my life, but I just gave them the finger and told them to go @%&#! themselves with their bicycle handlebars. I broke that finger by accident the next day. I call it my cursed finger. Now I live in a broken-down van by the river and nobody wants to marry me because my breath smells of coffee and booze...and then there's the sex felony conviction that doesn't help anything. My name's Vinny and I'm not a Mormon."