How many of those people do you think leave because the board just isn't for them vs. those that are overcome by guilt and fear of that big, eternal dark room, repent and return?
I used to post very actively under a different name on this board about 6 years ago. I check in a few times a month and rarely post. I don't really recognize anyone on here. That's a good thing. I like seeing new blood cycled through here every few months. It means more people are learning the truth about the church.
Most people leave rfm because after hanging around the sight for a few months, you realize the same discussions and themes are frequently rehashed. It gets to the point where you have "seen that done that" and there is nothing left, so you move on. Heck, even Steve Benson reposts the same stories over and over again every couple of months. Once this site is boring and you no longer get pissed off at the church by reading it, you realize you are finally free from Mormonism's grasp. The ultimate satisfaction is when the church doesn't matter or effect your emotions period. I view rfm as a in-between transitioning period on the journey out of the cult. Rfm is a chapter in that journey.
All forums have life cycles, and this is no exception. I guess most people stay for as long as they want to. It would be sad if people were leaving before they were ready, due to external reasons (i.e. family) but that is inevitable.
I think most leave because they get the help they need here and have other priorities in their lives. I would hope that most remember RfM with fondness and appreciation. Many do return and report such feelings and others return as new issues arise.
I think that most of us just quietly lurk. My husband and I look at RFM everyday, but we rarely post or reply to anything. I'm sure that there are many others just like us :)
That would be my husband and myself. We check in regularly but only post when something really hits me. I'm the same on my facebook. Check in daily, but don't post unless it's really something I think is worth a laugh or a good thought.
But I do really enjoy many of the posts I read and do comment occasionally on threads that interest me. Keep it up, some of us are just not as prolific in our posting.
You and your fellow lurkers enrich the experience. It's like the quiet congregants in a church service. The songs and sermons would lose power and inspiration in an empty hall without the energy of listeners smiling or frowning, nodding and laughing.
Often, a lurker speaks out at the key moment with an important word of support or information. Then they might stay a bit or return to lurking. Their choice.
This board is as much for you as it is for those who post every day.
SCARED...so that means they aren't quite ready for the big jump. But just coming here once is a good thing still....they may be back at some point to stay.
Just because people don't post doesn't mean that they don't come daily to read other's post. A lot of people are more comfortable simply lurking than they are posting. I personally have been coming here multiple times per day for more than a year but have only posted a hand full of times.
I was surprised at how many I met at the conference. We have a lot of people who quietly check in as is said above.
We also have a lot of people who find their way to other exmo boards that fit their personalities better. I met quite a few people who aren't into the "spirited debating" that can happen here. I like it, so this is the forum for me.
And I think that it's fantastic at how many exmos there are and how many different places people can go to for support once they leave or start to question.
I do remember coming to this place several times while I was still a believer.
Mrs Raptor only checks the board very rarely. It's just not for her. She's found a lot of support in her new group of friends and only has issues with or even thinks about Mormonism when forced to. (like when we travel back to SLC)
My posts come in bursts. Sometimes life gets busy. If I've got important stuff to do, I fear getting sucked in for a couple of hours. I love this place: its gritty, thought-provoking, sometimes lame, but above all it is mostly REAL people speaking their mind. I love that.
Growing up on the periphery of Mormonism isn't the same as living within it. I watch Shaun McCraney's show for the same reason--entertainment with a bit of insight thrown in. If Mormons within the Bubble of Zion only knew how weird they are when compared to the outside world -- pretending that autosexual behaviour is unnatural, magic Mormon bloomers (and the associated pseudo-sexual touching of others during causal greeting to see if they are wearing said magic bloomers), a vision of the afterlife consisting of endless celestial sex(for men though, not for women) on their own private planet, too scared to watch R-rated films and always worried what others are going to think, HT and VT thought police coming by to check up on you, how even people with some of the brightest and inquisitive minds are mentally conditioned to never question the church -- and you can have all this for the low price of 10% of your total income along with your total, complete and eternal dedication to LDS, Inc.
Hmmm--I wonder what the Brethren would think about sex with machines...
...I was scared of the anger and didn't stay for long. After a few years away from the board, and understanding other exmos' emotion following departure better (we are individuals and have different reactions when leaving), I came back. I wasn't scared of the anger anymore.
I lurk often, post infrequently, but appreciate so much that is shared on RfM.
I think we all have streaks and special intrests. I check in most evey day but don't post to often. I learn a lot just watching the parade go by. I understand more and have learned why things in my past concerning the mormons were the way they were. Thanks for that.
I think some people stick around after they are healed too because part of their healing is helping others. I love sharing links and info I've learned with newbies, remembering how grateful I was (and still am) when people who were more informed would teach me things and answer my questions. Also, I think if you can't make a clean break for whatever reason, you tend to stick around longer. DH is inactive but still considers himself LDS. So we still get bugged by Mormons a lot - especially because we still have a lot of Mormon friends and relatives. The kids have Mormon friends. So it's in our face. If we could ever move and resign, we might get bugged by Mormons occasionally but we wouldn't have to deal with them on an almost daily basis. This board provides a lot of sanity to people who have one foot in an insane situation.
I had felt healed since the second I left. Shortly after I realized the church was false, and not knowing if there was a god or not, I looked up and said, "I want to experience it all."
That was my last prayer. This board fulfills a lot of that for me. I want to experience as much as possible in this life, even if it is through other people. I love the good, the bad and the ridiculous here. I love to see things through other eyes. It has helped me even when I thought I didn't need it.
I think it depends on the person. There are posters on other boards who have left here for various reasons such as the board being too angry or conflicts with other posters or the moderator.Those who are still religious are often put off by the strong atheist tone here and the disrespect for their beliefs. Other people move on because they don't need the board any longer or they are bored by the same discussions over and over. I am sure some people who still have ties to the church or believe to a certain extent feel guilty here. There are probably as many reasons as people.
I find it fascinating that new people just keep showing up. When i went to church, it was rare to see a new face. Here, it could be a daily thing. I love all of the different points of view. that was not allowed at church.
Most of these old "friends" I have never met, but I have met some. I communicate with a couple of them by E-mail now, in fact. I see some of us as permanent, not because of being unable to get beyond Mormonism, but because it's recreational and because we sometimes think we have something to offer. I also have RfM to thank for giving me first the technical knowledge and then the courage to resign my LDS membership. There's perpetual need for that, and I've personally been instrumental in getting a couple of people out. It's a good feeling.
Like CAgirl, I am often thinking about the new people here and the silent suffering lurkers who are just now discovering many painful facts for the first time.
I remember well how frightening it was to actually pull up a website like this and look at it. Seems silly now, I know, but the cult-mind is so programmed to react emotionally to cult-threatening behavior. The sweaty palms and pounding pulse are very real experiences!
I can even recall reading many provocative and angry posts (YES I mean you Steve and you Lord Raptor) and feeling revolted at the immorality and obvious disrespect I then believed they displayed. Of course this was before I had fully comprehended the full extent of the fraud (these days I cannot conceive of verbal obscenity that is fully adequate to describe mormonism).
Back then I was not aware that beyond the cognitive acknowledgement that mormonism is false, there is an essential "recovery" required to begin to exorcise the years and years of cult programming from countless areas of life.
This work continues and is greatly helped by participation here.
So many of the discussions go far beyond the mere discussion of the disproofs of mormonism and illuminate the damaging premises, behavior and psychology of cult think that I had no idea were at play.
Therefore, while I am all for keeping things interesting for long-timers, it is still fresh enough for me that I am still personally thinking about the trembling silent prisoners lurking here. I intend to stay around and, even if all I ever do is add to the hit-count and keep the site ranked for some poor soul to stumble on, it will be worth it.
If you see yourself in my description, welcome. You are a hero for even being here.
It's my guess that there are many, many more people who read and lurk, than post.
There is a large variety of people that post and are as varied as the large variety of Mormons and their wide variety of experiences. There are also a wide variety of conclusions from those experiences also.
I often say there are as many different kinds of Mormons as there are Mormons. Sure there are some categories that may fit some, but certainly, not all.
Some come with expectations that are fulfilled, and sometimes not. There are no guarantees.
There are some posters that can tolerate other people's opinions and positions and some that cannot.
There are often reoccurring threads of negative attitudes, hate toward Mormons and Mormonism and sometimes all religion, nastiness, rudeness, severe judgment of others, vulgarity, etc. which some don't find useful or wish to tolerate even in small doses as it's unappealing and non productive for them.
There is a wide variety of ages of posters and lurkers that are teenagers up to senior citizens in their 70's and on.
So, as such, there are going to be people who find the board useful, and some that do not for a variety of reasons.
For instance: as a young adult convert, I have a very wide variety of life experiences both before, during and after I was a member. Some will understand my position and experiences and some will not.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/22/2011 05:51PM by SusieQ#1.
I've been a lurker on this board for over a year now and just recently gotten the nerve to post, though I've always wanted too! For me I was always afraid to post, worried that I may come off sounding stupid or whiney! And frankly, some of the long time posters can be...well kinda harsh and intimidating to a newbie! I think that is mostly because to us newbies, we are not familiar with the jokes and things that have been going on between all of you for years, so, at least for me, I was not sure who was joking and who was not. I've mostly gotten over that fear :) I don't think I need to heal as I was never a member, just someone unlucky enough to be non member raised in Utah and married to a member, who was not interested in being a member when we got married but suddenly did an about face! I stick around for the entertainment I get from here, I like knowing that I am not the only one going through the things I go through, misery loves company. I also learn lots of things here that help me keep my conviction to never join this cult, not that there is much worry over that, and to keep my children away from it.