guynoirprivateeye Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > me: a friend of mine was on the HT beat... > he asked us to annoit him. > > 'Reason'? > > He was experiencing some urinary discomfort > because... he'd had sex with his DW, but should > have pee'd first.
Maybe thought if he took the time to pee, that the mood would have passed and since it was once a blue moon, he figured he better get while the getting was good.
Cast out a "devil" from a drunk guy on my mission in Brazil. Pretty sure the huge white guy with the raised hand descending on him just scared the shit out of him and made him shut up, but at the time I really thought there must be something to the priesthood.
As my wife was going in for the fun bags installation/enhancement, my father-in-law thought it would be a good idea to give her a pre-surgery priesthood blessing. I am like a month into discovering the fraud of ChurchCo. My wife knew I had issues with this stuff but was in denial. My father-in-law had no idea. I wasn't about to break the news to him in this moment so I went along with it, as lame as I thought it was. I had about 2-3 minutes to decide what I would say in this boobie blessing. Here were my thoughts: "we bless you that your nipple sensation will remain intact. We bless you that your new jugs will easily provide the anticipated 10 years of reliable service before needing replacement. We ask the Lord to bless the surgeon's skilled hands to provide the seeked-after virtuous, lovely, good reportable AND praiseworthy melons. Indeed, we seek after these things." Those were my thoughts. I didn't actually say them. This whole thing was so lame! I gave just a normal milk-toast blessing about a quick recovery, etc. (Milk-toast... sorry, unintentional pun).
Any time you get put under and cut open you are putting your life at risk. I don't see what is so odd about a father being there for his kids surgery, no matter what kind. What would be creepy and weird would be if he asked to see the finished product after surgery.
Did you ever think about how many times you could use this example of a faith building experience?
Gospel Doctrine Class in Badfish's ward this sunday.
Gospel Doctrine Teacher to class: Does anyone have an experience of a priesthood blessing they would like to share? Anyone? Anyone?.......Oh..Brother Badfish thank you for offering to share your experience with the class.....would you mind standing so everyone can hear you. Please share your story.
Badfish (should be badass): I blessed my wifes tits...er..uh...breasts that they would be healthy and survive the ....um....uh...well...the "necessaary surgery" and well...whatdayaknow!!! They came out just healthy as a teenagers. Modern miracle of the priesthood....I have a testimony of the super duper power thereof. inthenameofjesuschristamen. (Smirking to the udder horror of the sisters over 40 with no surgery but wishing to have a large rack like sister badfish's bodacious tata's)
For those who aren't familiar with this it was part of the old temple ceremony where we all stood in a circle, raised our hands over our heads and repeated Pay, Lay, Ale while lowering our hands to our sides. We did this three times. I'm still embarrassed by it.
Once while I was in a EQ presidency we were saying a prayer to decided who we should call to be an instructor. The President stopped the prayer halfway through and asked that we discuss who we should call in mid-prayer "while the Lord is still with us". It was very awkward. I just suggested a guy to get the silliness over with. He closed his eyes, thanked the lard for my revelation and and ended the prayer.
After doing dead dunking the laying on of hands was so.... factory-like. Those guys hunched over praying at 9000 miles an hour. Making sure to flip their hands up and down to make sure each prayer was seperate from the next. The drone...god it was nauseating.
It was the 70s. Does anybody remember the Ford Pinto station wagon? Nothing could keep those things running. A single mother owned one. It was her only car and was always breaking down. Someone recalled how oxen had been blessed with the priesthood.
"As the company was crossing Wyoming one day, one of Mary’s oxen suddenly lay down as if poisoned. It appeared the ox would die, and Mary had no spare ox with which to replace him. As the ox began to stiffen, the company captain exclaimed, “He is dead, there is no use working with him, we’ll have to fix up some way to take the Widow [Mary] along. I told her she would be a burden on the company.” Mary said nothing, but she took a bottle of consecrated oil from her wagon and asked her brother, Joseph Fielding, and another man to administer to her ox. “It was a solemn moment there under the open sky. A hush fell over the scene. The men removed their hats. All bowed their heads as Joseph Fielding … laid his hands on the head of the [dying] ox, and prayed over it. The great beast lay stretched out and very still. Its glassy eyes looked nowhere. A moment after the administration the animal stirred. Its huge, hind legs commenced to gather under it. Its haunches started to rise. The forelegs strengthened. The ox stood and, without urging, started off as if nothing had happened.” Soon another ox fell ill and was administered to, and it also recovered."(Life of Joseph F. Smith)
If it worked for an ox, why not for a car? The priesthood is not all powerful. It could not "heal" a Ford Pinto.
'Pay Lay Ale' has been mentioned more than once, so I will add the 'Hosanna Shout', while waiving white hankies at a temple dedication. I felt totally foolish.