This is just something I have to remind myself every so often. Those of us who are disaffected from the LDS church or have left are made to feel like there is something wrong with us, as if something in us is broken.

But it's not us that's broken; it's the church. I had lunch with an exmo friend last week, and she said that she has to tell herself once in a while, "It's not my fault Joseph Smith made it all up." Exactly.

It is not our fault that the church isn't true.

It is not our fault that the church has taught our families and loved ones to treat as pariahs.

It is not our fault that we can't pretend that we believe.

What we own is our decision to acknowledge the truth and live by our conscience and our intellect. I'm totally fine with accepting the blame for that.

I remember being told that I needed to repent so that the spirit of contention would leave me.

So my question is, If I repent of whatever I have ever done wrong and give up what ever I might be guilty, will the Facsimiles in the BoA make sense?
Will Polygamy really only be about caring for widows?
Will the Book of Mormon suddenly be embraced by science?
Will the sermons on Blood Atonement suddenly disappear from the books?
Will the Fancher and Aiken parties arrive safely at their destination?

In other words, will the legitimate criticisms of the last 170 years and the multitude of books and apostates suddenly vanish?

And yes I asked myself those same kinds of questions. What sin did I need to overcome in order for me to see that the church was true? And if I were to become perfect, ye even unto being called as Prophet, would these issues dissapear?

Of course not. The church is false no matter how righteous/worthy you are.

well said, JoD. Sound, logical argument versus their "you need to repent" red herring. Their scandals and lies don't change upon anyone's repentance. No, they want you to think about the scandals and lies "differently", which of course anyone with a shred of decency and honesty would never do. Tells you a lot about how the sheep's minds operate.

...whether it stems from becoming an apostate of your religion, grappling with a mental illness, being in an unhappy relationship... because feeling Broken usually feels permanent- like nothing anyone could do or say could fix you. It's quite a helpless, hopeless, downright utterly sad feeling.

I have to have a reality check with myself about feeling this way quite often. It really sucks.

Joseph Smith needs to repent!

Look what he did, the jerk, the schmuck, the horny old poophead!

From Evanescence's "Hello" (Fallen).

I'm stil coming to terms with my new knowledge. I can never ever un-know what I now know. This is not "unbelief", that implies there is something real to believe in, if you just have the faith.

I *KNOW* without any doubt that Joseph Smith was a fraud and "the church" is made up. I have reasonable evidence to suppose that many of the early prophets and GAs also knew this. I don't know what is in the hearts and minds of the current 15, but that is irrelevent, if what they are teaching is BULLSHIT!

I can't ever believe the church to be true ever again! No amount of faith can ever replace certain knowledge that is contrary to it. It would be an adult having "faith" that there really is a Santa Claus afterall!

And I also know that it is not my fault that I know these things. I haven't done anything wrong to discover the truth. The church is wrong, and it's leaders - knowingly or not - are wrong. Their fault, not mine.


(That said, converts need to take a little bit of personal responsibility here... I was BIC, what's your excuse!? j/k)

I couldn't have said it better myself. It has nothing to do with having faith - you can't unlearn what you know. Especially when it's so profoundly provably true. Especially when you see the effects of applying your new truth to your life. Life is so much better outside the church. You can't explain away true. You don't even want to.

It's like not knowing your spouse is having an affair or seeing signs but ignoring them because you don't want to believe your spouse is having an affair. But once you catch them in bed together ... you can't go back to lying to yourself. You just have to decide if it's worth it to stay together. And if you find you are much happier apart, then your decision is obvious. However, where the church is concerned, it's not your fault. You did everything right. You were still lied to. And you can't forget it.

Funny thing - today we were getting glasses for my son and one of their so-called vision packages was so misleading as to what was included and how much it would cost, I almost walked out. After being lied to so profoundly by Mormonism, I can't stand the thought of being deceived in any way. Since we'd already had the eye exam and he really needed the glasses, I went ahead but I called the company headquarters and told them what I thought of their deception and how they'd lost all our family's future business. It wasn't about the product - it was about the lies. I might have found a way to stay in Mormonism if I hadn't been lied to. I found out later the product was inferior but like with the glasses, it was the lying that made me walk.

The Lies
That is what sent me out the door. 6 generations of family lied to! generation 7 is on its way here.

It has profoundly broken my family through all of those generations. it is unfixable, irreparable damage. How could i possibly support that for another minute once i knew the truth?

I am not the rebel some are trying to make me out to be. I am a truth seeker and a truth teller. Thats it.

Because of the lies, i have an arrogant, sexist, father, a very mentally ill mother. All 5 of my brothers and sisters are on medications to help them cope with life inside the church. There have been 3 very nasty divorces. The kids from these divorces are a mess. The family is divided down the middle. The church has been there in the middle of it all spewing out crazy, divisive, dysfunctional advice. They shouldn't even be there,let alone refereeing the breakdown of someones family. Making up lies about the outcomes that will send some to heaven and some to hell. depending on who has the most money.

I haven't seen my parents for almost 15 years. The church used them up. free labor in mission after mission. drained their money. They live in my sisters basement. 80 years old. bad hips,knees,and spines. stuck underground for lack of money.It has never occurred to them that the church had (has) a hand in this. I don't know what they tell themselves or their children and grand children about me. I have nieces and nephews i have never met. i have a sister in-law i'll never know. This is the fruit my family has harvested from generations of being Mormon.

I am almost 60. i won't be around forever. I feel like i have lived a life with no parents. So many times, i have needed a mother, and i had to be my own mother. Such an empty feeling.
Years ago i realized this was how it was going to be. i have done the best i can. I wanted the church to be true. But now i know it isn't. all of the suffering was for nothing. nothing at all.

The crazy rules, were just that,crazy. My hope lies with my children who are out of the church. My grandchildren will not be raised to know much about it. just that it was in our family for many generations, and did a lot of damage.

I have divorced two husbands for lying and stealing. Now i am going to divorce the mormon church for the same thing.

I made promises, they made promises. I told them about every detail of my life. I dedicated myself and my family to them. I overlooked their flaws, i turned the other cheek, I worked harder.They pretended like they told me who they were. I kept my side of the bargain.

But they are like a cheating spouse. Hiding their past. Getting their friends to lie to you. lying about their current actions. demanding near perfection from you, while embezzling all that is near and dear to your heart. When you confront them about it they deflect and try to make you out to be the one in the wrong. they threaten you with taking your children. they try to get you to keep giving your money to them. all the while, they are telling the same lies. not living up to their promises. Wolves in sheeps clothing. That is why i am leaving the Mormon church. They are soul killing liars and thieves. The coldest of the cold.

yes, ok, the made it up. shame on them. i trusted them.
but, i'm still lashing myself "mea culpa" style for trusting them too much.

i always had questions but i thought it was me who was wrong. after all, why would they lie?

oh well. i resigned. it took its toll (divorce, etc) but hell, the truth set me free. i'd rather take it like a man for a couple of years and suck it up than living a lie for the rest of my life.

The idea that I am of a sinful nature, when I'm not, actually made me physically ill many times. I was subconsciously rebelling against what I thought I had to defend, which is the church doctrine that after all you can do you are never ever enough. It's goddam depressing.