The "Mission Story" thread got me thinking.

One of the church's Young Women Values is "Individual Worth." I used to think it was a real positive that Mormonism taught us that we were children of God and had the potential to become like Him. That "spark of divinity" within us made us inherently worth something.

But the more I've thought about this, our worth as church members was always conditioned on our ability to contribute to the growth and prosperity of the church.

"The worth of souls is great." This means that a soul that contributes to the church has worth. If not, we're worthless.

"The family is the basic unit of the church." This means that the church sees our families as existing for the church's benefit, and not the other way around. Families that do not contribute have no worth.

I think this is why it's so easy for a lot of church members to completely write us out of their lives when we leave or stop contributing. We are literally worthless.

The good thing, of course, is that we do not need the church's approval to be worth something. Each human being has inherent worth and dignity, with or without the approval of Mormons.

This is a hard thing for me to feel, that I am worth something. Being in a system that tells you that you are only worth something if you do x, y, and z, then shed that system, finding worth has been a struggle for me.

But its also been freeing to figure out who I am and what my worth is To ME. Its been a great chance for me to see myself for who I am.

I remember this panicked feeling after I left of not knowing who I was inside. How much of me was a product of what the church wanted me to be, and what part was really me? It scared the crap out of me to be 40 years old and not knowing how I really felt or what I really wanted.

But, you're right, as scary as it has been, it's been so rewarding to discover that there is a real, whole person inside, and that someone has worth.

"The worth of souls is great." This means that a soul that contributes to the church has worth. If not, we're worthless.

My bishop basically said the same thing when he stared at my blank tithing statement during last years settlement.

It's funny, I never really thought about it until I read your question. I don't think I've ever felt like I have as much worth as I do now that I'm out of the church.

I remember, and this was a long time ago, when I was a kid, it's one of my earliest memories. For FHE once, my mom asked each of us "Who are you?". The question was asked very pointedly and directly as if there was great importance to the question. I panicked, I realized that I didn't know who I was. I burst into tears and ran to my bedroom. Sure, I was just a kid but even then I didn't have a self identity or worth, I didn't know "who" I was.

The answer she was going for, that no one got, btw was "a child of god". So, even if I had understood what she was going for, the lesson was, you aren't an individual, you're just one of the many. In the church, that means you're just a worker bee. (see beehive symbol everywhere).

Now that I'm out, I define myself with my own individual value, to myself, family and friends, in that order. Very interesting question... Thanks!

Finally Free! Wrote, in part:
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...So, even if I had understood
> what she was going for, the lesson was, you aren't
> an individual, you're just one of the many. In the
> church, that means you're just a worker bee. (see
> beehive symbol everywhere).
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Oooh, I wondered why all the beehive stuff, what was the meaning of it all. I think you've nailed it!

Another thing: if you deviate from the assigned pattern or duty, all the other bees'll rush and sting you! Even if it hurts them like it kills a worker honeybee to sting, they will do it!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/25/2011 03:07PM by The StalkerDog™.