...why is it that a family member with whom I live would find out about it? Is it just the ward leadership gossip-mill, or do they actually feel a need to alert all members in my household in an attempt to "protect" them? I would have the confirmation letter sent to another address.

Depends on your bishop and steak pres. They may feel the need to alert some people, although theoretically they aren't supposed to. Also during tithing settlement your name will be mysteriously missing from the statements, is what I'm told.

I personally waited 11 years to resign. I wasn't ready for the fallout at the time. I finally got to a point where I would resign and let the chips fall where they may.

What kind of fallout would you face if they found out, because the chances are they will find out even without the confirmation letter coming to the door.

My records would likely be in my last ward in another city...they haven't seen me in 20 years. I just assumed that some sort of pass-the-buck shirking would prevail and whoever is the bish in my old ward would toss it over to the bish in the city where I now live.

You records are probably in the big black hole in SLC of those members with addresses unknown. The old city ward would have 'notified' SLC that they don't know where you are, but they don't want the membership of a person who is not living in their ward boundaries.

That being said, to resign, the church would probably want to get your records to the unit where you now reside. That way your geographical bishop would know of the proceedings, etc.

Yes, it will get forwarded.

That would depend on the gossip trails in the ward.

The problem is that it usually isn't a good idea to risign unless you're ready to deal with every possibility.

What if I used the address of a friend in my old city? Would that keep it contained and private?

Mormons are in a giant worldwide social network and they typically thrive on gossip and manipultaion. Someone at the confidential records office in SLC told my nieghber in CA that her daughter had resigned which caused my friend to write DD out of her will.

i was ex'ed when i was 25. My whole family three towns away knew about it before i did. My dads best friend was the stake pres. The gossip thread can be vicious.

My cousin resigned assuming since he lived two states away his family wouldn't find out. Boy was he wrong. The stake pres looked up his records and made a point of notifying the leadership of his old ward where he grew up 10 years prior. Of course they told his parents, who were devastated. It was ugly. Don't ever assume the people around you won't find out.

I still haven't figured out why people need to resign. I like clogging up the works keeping myself on the list.

They don't bother coming around anymore, because they know I might start talking and threaten their faith. I have invited the missionaries in a few times and share my issues. They also asked if there was anything they could do to help, so I put them to work splitting wood. Didn't see them much after that.

The morg only has the power you give it in your mind. Their control over you has nothing to do with membership. Legally you can have them arrested for trespassing if you ask them to stay off your property.

about staying on the rolls and being a pain in the butt to them. I enjoy the "bring'em on" bantering, and showing up on all their "not doing stuff" lists.

However.... others here certainly have their reasons to resign, so to each their own.

Someday I'll have to resign, because I'm pretty sure some well-intentioned family member will bury me in those ridiculous temple clothes. That is not how I want my friends and associates to remember me.

I'm planning on resigning as soon as I have definite plans to move.

Resigning for me - It means I can honestly & legally tell people that I'm not a member of this whacked out cult.

I was afraid my parents would find out also at one point. However, I got my official letter in about a week ago and I don't think they know because I'm pretty sure I'd hear from them. I'll keep you posted if they somehow find out.

FYI- I live about 10 minutes away from my parents. If you're not a minor, and this "family member" of yours doesn't hold a high calling, I don't see how anyone could find out, besides from gossip.

Ever heard of HIPPA?? That's a privacy law for patients used in the medical field. So in your resignation letter maybe you could throw in that "HIPPA right" somehow and tell them you want your resignation kept private?

...but there is no rule nor law requiring him to do so. Some do, some don't.

Some board members have stated that once you resign, your name will no longer appear as a family member on the bottom of your parents' yearly tithing settlement form. Some parents find out in that manner. Some parents never connect the dots.

I was baptized into the Church at 8 years of age by my Bishop grandfather. I was not asked, I was told!
Since I never of my own free will "joined" the LDS Church, nor do I recognize that they have any authority over me, I see no reason to follows THEIR rules on leaving the Church. I think to do so only furthers in their minds that they have power over me. "Formal resignation" is just another power trip on their part, and I for one am not playing their game.
If you are doing it to get them to leave you alone, it is not necessary. There are laws against harassment. You won't have to go that far...just remind them that the unfavorable publicity that such a case would cause the Church would make them look really bad to the world.
Also remind them that while the Church has it own lawyers, more than likely the "members" who are personally harassing you would probably have to hire and pay for their own legal counsel.
Don't get loud, don't get mad...just be firm, but respectful. You need not answer any of their questions as to why you feel this way...they have no right to question your decision(s) about your life. Remember that "boundaries" is not in the Mormon Dictionary.
In parting as they finally leave, tell them (sincerely) that you love them and that you will be praying for them.

The Church uses this to deter would be resigners because of internal family pressure and hostility.
If resignation were not seen as a deal breaker within Mormon familes there would be virtually nobody left attending Church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/31/2011 08:09AM by Stumbling.

show the names of parents and kids. If you resign, your name will disappear from the records normally listed on other family member's records. These records are frequently reviewed at tithing settlement, so your missing name may be noticed at that time.

And there is always the possibility the verbal grapevine will be in place.

Less and less, it seems, honesty and integrity come up. Being true to ones values and knowing doesn't seem to be of as much concern.

I got out because of honesty and inegrity. To thine ownself be true. Tired of living life according to the whims and dictates of someone else. Freedom is fine.