I'm gonna try my best to make this as short as possible. I'm 17 years old and live in North Carolina, but haven't gone to the LDS church in a little over a month. I used to LOVE going to church, but the leaders basically messed it up for me completely to the point where I could care less if it's the "true" church or not.

You see I have (or had) this Bishop who I truly looked up to and even called a hero at one point. We were meeting every week because I really needed it for personal issues and because none of my other leaders would. Nobody in the Bishopric or in the Young Mens Presidency. Anyway, I got into a minor argument with him during one of our meetings and I kind of made a big scene and cussed at him by mistake. But I guess I made him so mad that he called my dad and told him to not even bother going to church anymore and said he was done helping me out and talking to me.

I mean I could go whenever I wanted. All I would have to do is to convince my dad, which would be really easy, because after all they can't kick me out or anything. But them telling my dad that really pissed me off and just makes me not want to go back because he was someone who I truly trusted and was the only guy who I could go to to talk to and he told us not to go anymore.

I've basically been super depressed ever since and of course I have nobody to talk to about that because the person who I used to talk to, my bishop, kinda turned his back on me. Not only that, but nobody at church says hi to me. I used to be cool with everyone in Young Womens/Young Mens, but none of them talk to me anymore and pretty much over time turned there backs on me. It's like I'm an outcast in a place where I used to be able to call home and a place that I've always gone to.

Because of all this I tend to call all the leaders Corrupt and Hypocritical, for them giving up on me and leaving me to rot. Also, the Bishop has been gossiping about me with his other counsilors and whoever else and ever since this incident everyone has either deleted me off of facebook or blocked me, even though I haven't said anything bad about them or anyone on my page.

I guess it just goes to show how UNTRUE the LDS church is. :-|

I'm sorry that your bishop (and the membership) turned on you. From what I've read on this board, it's not that unusual once you leave the church.

It's important to remember that unlike most other church ministers, a LDS bishop is not professionally trained in counseling. As a teacher I've worked with some very troubled kids, and it's hard for me to imagine anything a kid could say to me that would cause me to bail on him or her. I'm sorry that an adult who was important to you let you down.

If you are still in high school, I would like for you to go visit your school guidance counselor and tell her that you feel troubled and need to speak with a trained counselor on a regular basis. She will help you to do that. If you are in college, your college health service will be able to set you up. If you are working, contact your local community mental health agency.

I hope that you can find the supports that you need because you deserve to feel good about yourself. Reach out to the nevermo kids around you who seem to have healthy, productive lifestyles. There are a lot of good, decent non-Mormons out there among whom you can find friends.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2011 09:30AM by summer.

This isn't really a church problem. This is an interpersonal problem. You'll meet many more interpersonal problems in your life.

I'd encourage you to be the adult. Approach your Bishop, apologize for the scene you caused, and try to mend fences.

I'd be willing to bet he is just as upset at this turn of events as you are. He has just not had the moral courage to be an adult about it.

You have received important emotional support from your bishop and ward. It would be a shame to lose that at this point in your life.

In the meantime you are experiencing the reality of how things work rather than the theory. Take note and do what is right for yourself as life progresses.

Best of luck.

Well, I believe you've just had your first personal revelation. Though not in the preferred LDS way: warm fuzzy feelings in your bosom and such. It was a clear, resounding directive: do not go back to that church! Why fight against it?

Furthermore, now that you've found this board, you might have some people to talk to about leaving the church. Not sure about the other personal stuff, tho, the board promotes privacy. Your bishop might be a decent guy, but church leaders are rarely qualified to counsel youth. Is there a counselor in your school you can talk to about your feelings? BTw, 17 is still a tough age to be at, everything is blown out of proportion, everything seems like an epic drama. This will pass, be patient. Be kind to yourself.

the above post.

Everyone of us has or will experience relationship problems.
It's just a natural part of life. An argument or disagreement with someone is one of the many experiences we have in our lives.


In your case, I think it's best if you apologize for going "off" and cussing, and let him know how sorry you are and how much you appreciate him giving of his time to talk to you. You be the one to take the "high road" and show that you are becoming an adult.

Nothing builds relationships more than being appreciative and grateful. It sounds like he went the extra mile trying his best to work with you.
Thank him for his time and effort with you.

You can keep it short, and to the point, for instance:
I'm sorry I lost it, shake hands, look him in the eye, and thank him for his time and interest in helping.

This is one of the things we do as adults probably many times in our lives.
It's more important to mend relationships than who is right or wrong. That's secondary.

Now..give it a go! OK? You'll feel better and so will he.

My advise? Spend a little time learning about the true history of the church, and you will have a thousand other reasons to never go back too. You might be glad of this "insurance" if you are ever tempted back at some point in the future.

Ministers of other churches have counseling experience and instruction before they become ministers. Bishops in the LDS church don't. He-your Bishop- is of no value if you need counseling. They just want you to think they are know it alls. I think you know that they are not Christian if they are treating you this way. He doesn't know much about forgiveness, does he? Would Jesus turn his back on you?

There are 100's of reasons not to ever go back to the LDS Church. This may turn out to be a good thing for you in the end. YOU have a long long life ahead. Go find real friends and not those who only like you if you toe the line in Mormonism. YOU are a very lucky person. Is your DAD supporting you in staying away from such abusive people?

Find another church or group of friends that is less cultish and intrusive.

Be glad you found out early in life that Mormon friendships usually don't last.

I don't know what pushed you to cuss at the guy. But maybe you have good instincts which told you that something is wrong with the whole Mormon setup.

The guy behaved like a jerk in calling up your dad etc. Even for Mormonism, it is highly unusual to have a leader call up a parent to tell them that their kid should not come back to church.

The man is immature and spiteful, he never was a hero to look up to.
Move on, you don't need these people in your life.

Be aware that whatever you tell a Mormon bishop will NOT be kept confidential.
He may mention your "problems" in ward meetings under the guise of "helping "you.

Look at it this way, they did you a favor in showing their true colors.
You are doing the right thing by dropping Mormonism.

And there have been times when emotions ran high and they said rude things, or have even sworn. But a mature adult understands that, even if they don't accept or tolerate it. A loving person does NOT completely cut off someone because they lost their temper and swore.

Sure, I wouldn't blame him if he got angry. But telling you NOT to come back to church? What right would he have to cut you off from God (if the church even had access to God) or other relationships because of a dispute between the two of you?

There is something emotionally wrong with your bishop. I would avoid him like the plague. What you did was wrong, but it pales in comparison to the destructive revenge he took. He is a toxic individual. A normal person does not behave the way he did. Do not go back or you'll likely be subject to more abusive treatment.

My suggestion is that you follow Glo's advice and talk to a school counselor. If you want to apologize for your outburst to the bishop, I would do so in a letter so you won't have to interact with him, but if you do, I would point out his horrific treatment of you and tell him that you will never go back. Because he cannot undo the damage he has done to your relationships, and the fact that he would ever do that in the first place shows his true colors. My guess is that he thinks your abusive language authorized his treatment of you.

BTW. The church is a crock. It's not true and it's certainly not worth putting up with that kind of group shunning.

It would make you look real good to offer a sincere, adult-like apology. After that, I wouldn't put anymore energy or trust into your meetings with the bishop, though. And you can just sit back and wait for your 18th, then get the hell out of the church. If you can't do it so soon because you are still living at home, or something, just keep up dialogue with people here on this board to vent some of your frustration--it will help you a great deal. Then leave the church at your earliest convenience and don't look back.