So. I was at lunch at a BBQ place. It wasn't an upscale place but it was a step above fast food. I was sitting in a booth in the dining room minding my own business.

This group of people came in and moved three tables together to accommodate their large party.

A man at the end of the table near me decided to take charge. He yelled to the guy at the other end of the table:

"I'll take care of the prayer on this end of the table. You cover your end."

Apparently God needs each and every seat accounted for in the prayers.

Then the food got there. The guy in charge loudly instructed a girl (about 16 years old) to say the prayer. She was sitting two chairs away from him. She timidly but politely declined and said she would rather not. Whether she was shy or embarrassed to be heard by the entire group I have no idea. (Maybe there is hope for her. J/K)

The man in charge momentarily looked miffed that she refused. He instructed her brother to pray instead (about 17 years old).

So, they bowed their heads and thanked God for the goodness of the BBQ pork and fries in a grand spectacle of righteousness.

Some of them held hands while praying. I wondered if they did this so they would know that no one was stealing the food while they prayed (J/K!).

Now I'm worried that some of the people in the middle might not have had their food prayed over. There was an odd number in the party so I'm not sure if God knows which group covered the child in the center.

I'm beginning to see the priorities of important things here. So far here is my list in the order that I think they matter:

Football
Conservative politics (AKA the Bible)
Jesus
BBQ
Sweet tea

Praise Him,
your exmo reporter in Birmingham.

Interesting.

so I bare my testimony that what Dagny says is true.

I learned to smile agreeingly whenever the subject of football or Jesus came up. And wow, try turning down sweet tea sometime; people will wonder what planet you came from.

You have to have the necessities in life.

I was in a Subway here in TN last week and witnessed 6 missionaries on their p-day having a prayer before gorging themselves on subs and chips during the lunch rush. It was funny because they were clearly trying to feign subtlety, which just drew more attention. There was a long line of patrons with nothing to do but wait and watch and it really should have been awkward for the missionaries, but they were just clueless-- and judging by the collegiate t-shirts and accents-- all from Utah. P-day strikes me as a great chance to look relatively normal, but even on that day, they chose to make sure everyone knows they aren't from around here.

They seemed very bored and immature. One of the boy-elders had his Jesus jammies on display in such a way that it wasn't clear if it was an accident or a fashion statement. My husband and I chuckled to ourselves and felt sorry for those poor kids. Chances are big that 4 or more of them will end up "less active" and/or "apostate" and regretting the time they wasted in Tennessee trying to generate interest in their faith.

Why do I keep thinking of Roy Moore ?

Their omnipotent, omniscient God can't figure out that all those people are together so that one prayer would cover them all.

On the other hand, they accept that one prayer is good enough for a stadium full of football fans.

If an omnipotent, omniscient god desires one prayer, he desires a million prayers.

I'm scared to go out next weekend. The LSU vs. Alabama game has people acting, well, intense.

If Bobby Jindal prays for LSU and Governor Robert Bentley of Alabama pray for Alabama, just what is God supposed to do? Bentley is the guy who said he only considers followers of Christ his brothers and sisters. That must mean extra points from Jesus.

I can say there will be no illegals in the stadium in Alabama. God has already spoken about that here.

Maybe Roy Moore can rule that the 10 Commandments should be posted in football games. Oh wait. They probably already are.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2011 04:32PM by steve benson.

Whaaat? No beer on the list? Bloody hell! That'd be horrible!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2011 04:37PM by matt.

This is more odd than usual, with the men trying to divide and conquer, or whatever. But these people who are SOOOOOO bible-righteous keep ignoring that scripture about not praying in public, but doing it in private where just God can hear you.

It seems so gross to me to have a big group of people show up and pretty much announce to the whole restaurant, "Hey look at us! We're more righteous than the rest of you slobs!"

That poor girl who declined to pray out loud was probably mortified at the guy's oafish behavior.

Why are people who advertise their faith so loudly, so afraid that their god won't take care of them unless they specifically ask for it? "God, why did you let me eat food that you knew was poisoned?" "Because you didn't ask me to protect you. Tough luck."

I always appreciate your reports Dagny, as I also live in the evangelly Southern Bible Belt. Your description of the BBQ/prayer meeting is dead-on.

The Florida-Georgia football game was played in my city yesterday. I've never seen so many bubbas gathered together in one spot - all wearing either Gator jaws on their heads or BullDAWGS on their shirts.

I'm sure there was a whole lotta prayin' going on for the teams, too. (In between swearin' and beer drinkin').

Carry on . . . .

;o)

I saw some gator jaws here.

There are tons of cars driving around with Alabama team flags on their cars, bumper stickers, etc. I mean a LOT of cars- even little old ladies. They are incredibly supportive of their teams.

I thought bubbas and beer went with NASCAR. Darn, I've got a lot to learn.

I don't think I'm going to warm to the gospel music though. Stranger things have happened though.

You're attending church at BBQ joints and you're aware that sweet tea is on the Jesus list along with football. You're coming right along. Speaking of sweet tea, did you know that you can buy gallon-sized containers at the grocery store? That can be handy to know. One of these days, you're going to stop for boiled peanuts from a kettle in the back of a pickup truck by the side of the road and wonder how you ever lived in a such a normal place as Idaho. ;)

Another dead-on description. Boiled peanuts and sweet tea. Two of my favorites! I'm no Yankee transplant like you and Dagny, though. I'm Southern born and bred . . . and y'all are now officially treading on sacred ground.

Start yapping about fish and grits, and the gloves come off!

<wink>

;o)

Just today (on the way to the BBQ place) I saw a sign up for boiled peanuts. WTHell? I don't have that figured out yet. After reading your comments, maybe I should.

What's with collard greens? And grits? The descriptions sound a lot like spinach and cream of wheat. I haven't tried either yet but I am happy to report I have tried fried okra. Oh, and I had my first catfish.

I did noticed the gallons of tea in the stores. A LOT of shelf space is dedicated to it. It seemed odd at first but now I can see why. It's good stuff.

My coworkers go to great lengths to tell me all about the food here. I'm being schooled.

That one is something like "biled p'nutz," right Mak?

I can't understand a lot of what they are talking about.

When my black coworkers get talking, it is especially tricky to understand them. Seriously, it can be like a whole different language.

One of them said, "I'm going to take my penis and go to dust bin."

I asked her to please translate. I told her what I thought she said.

She meant, "I'm going to take my pennies to spend and go shopping at the beach at Destin."

We both laughed at how I have no idea what she is talking about half the time. That's OK. She doesn't know Idaho from Iowa. :-)

A Texan once asked me, "Where did you get your meat and taters?"

I said, "Pardon me?"

He repeated it and I said, "I don't understand."

He said, "Where did you grow up?"

Some people speak several different languages.

I only speak English but am learning Southern.

Question: And the brand would be?


Answer: Arizona "Real Brewed" Sweet Tea*


*Brewed in Woodbury, New York


www.drinkarizona.com
===============================================

Now back to our regularly scheduled entertainment ...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/31/2011 10:53AM by 3X.

You win the prize for getting the Number 1 priority correct as FOOTBALL. I bear my testimony of "The Church of The SEC Conference". After taking the discussions 22 years ago, I was baptized into the the "True" church and attend the LSU Tiger Parish/Stake every Saturday with my husband who is a born-in-the-covenant Tiger. The battle against good and evil will take place next Saturday at 8:00pm EST in Tuscaloosa, AL. What a battle it will be!!!

For those who question the fullness of this everlasting Gospel of the NCAAF, I offer this following parable:

"The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman, a Louisiana State University graduate, as President of the United States, Susan Boudreaux.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says, 'So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 30 hour drive, your mother isn't as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.'
'Don't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.'

'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?'

‘Oh Dad,’ replies Susan, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York .'
'Honey,' Dad complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.'

The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, I"ll ensure your meals are salt free Dad, I really want you to come.

So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Boudreaux is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new president's Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers, 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States.

The Senator whispers back, 'Yes I do.'

Dad says proudly, "Her brother played football at LSU."

GEAUX TIGAHS!!! BEAT THE TIDE!!!

Moira

I am doubled over laughing.
You made my day.

(I'm mostly proud of myself that I actually get the joke and rivalry now.)

All I know is that I don't want to go to work the next day if the Tide doesn't win. I don't know how they would take defeat around here.

We already have hotel reservations in New Orleans for the BCS Championship game in January. Optimistic here. My husband will actually be out of town next weekend so I don't have to worry about his yelling giving our dog a heart attack!

There was a BBQ restaurant in B'ham that was very biblically oriented, and later became the focus of a landmark civil-rights case. They had framed scriptural passages on the walls all over the building: "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love...;" "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself..." etc. But the capper was on the wall right behind the cash register, in the same pseudo-old-English script: "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."
For what it's worth, when I went back in the 1980s they were cheerfully serving all comers, and seemed to be doing good business. The sign behind the cash register was gone, but I believe all the others were still in place.

In Texas it's at least 50-50 with unsweet. I personally can't stand sweet tea. It's un for me.

I never heard of sweet tea till last spring. From mid February through the end of April I was doing contract work as a nurse in Cookeville TN.
I loved it there.
But yeah, I sometimes had trouble with the southern accent. Whenever someone said pin or pen, it sound the same. A client identified her last name as "Wyatt"--or so I thought. No, her last name was "White". And on and on. I'd often have to say, can you repeat that? I'm from Iowa and I'm not fluent in Southern yet. I'd say it with a good-natured laugh so people would know I wasn't mocking them.
I did jokingly talk about my dog getting a southern accent--as in "woof, ya'all!"
I never heard of boiled peanuts, either till I was down there. I was never brave enough to try them.
People often seemed to take for granted that I was a believer too. That was interesting. I never implied that I was a believer.

Susan

i mean ya gotta put the sugar in while the tea is hot so you can supersaturate it!! i lived in Chattanooga(Signal Mtn) and you are spot on with what are priorities in your area. :(...AND :)
TIS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE~~

This will get you labeled as an outsider and an idiot, and may get you beat up, depending on the blood alcohol level of people around you.

Grits - ground pepper and a big pat of butter is good. May top with soft fried egg(s) and smoosh together. Accompany with thick cut bacon with rind. Don't salt the grits - they were probably over salted already when cooked. :)

Panfish dipped in cornmeal and fried are to die for. Hush puppies fried in the same oil after the fish are even better.

Collard greens - spinach with attitude. Better than turnip greens, not that that is much of an endorsement.

I dated a southern girl for a while and she kept trying to get me to eat grits, but I had no idea what they were. Finally, she just went ahead and made some. I was watching her cook it and realized that I was going to like it. It was then that I realized that Grits and Polenta are the same damn thing, the Polenta just costs twice as much.

Thanks for the laughs and great info in this thread. It will help me adapt. You have educated me on so many things here. Thanks, y'all.

Today's installment...

One of my bosses, a very smart and friendly black woman, called me into her office to show me something. It was a 4 minute recording of her doing a "praise dance" at her church. People were shouting "Halleluiah" in the pews. She was really proud of her dance and wanted to share it with me. She said it is her way to minister.

The old me would have been mortified. The new me complimented her for her talent and inspiration.

See? I'm not a total creep.

As weird as it seemed to me, I had to laugh because I couldn't imagine Mormons cutting loose like that. I don't think I'll be doing any praise dancing anytime soon myself.

dagny Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> I don't think I'll be doing any praise
> dancing anytime soon myself.

Be careful, dagny, The South is infectious. Wife and I spent a month in Georgia and the Carolinas a few years ago and wouldn't you know it but our accents were noticeably (and embarrassingly) changing. I dunno but another month and we might have ascended to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1KZKZs-2YM

Cheers

Maybe it's because I'm a southern gal, but this thread rubs me the wrong way. I don't believe in Joseph Smith, but I see nothing wrong with offering a prayer of thanks before a meal. Or sweet tea. Or a southern accent. Everyone thinks mine is cute.

RALPH!!!!!! How the hades did you keep your food down. To see the ignorant parading thier ignorance has,got to be nauseating.


Good job keeping the food down Dag.


HH =)