I just reconnected with college classmates, close buddies and friends on FB. Thank goodness none of them were/are Mo back when we were all young, nubile, sporty and brash young men and women. In our closed FB group many of them have posted photos from parties both tame and wild, out of town trips, overnight study group pranks and practical jokes, sports events, club events, rallies, everything they could scan from their collection. We were quite a close-knit batch.

The sad thing about this was, while I LOL'ed and ROFLMAO'ed at both photos and comments, I realize I'm not in any of them. Then it hit me; I've always had to turn down invites because there was always something to do at church. Weekdays were FHE and youth activities or meetings, and on weekends, well you know where we all went and what we did on weekends. Visiting non-members was highly discouraged.

While I'm grateful that these people still value me as a person and friend, I've no lasting remembrance of ever being with them or sharing significant events of their lives, their youthful play. All I had were Mormon memento from that era; photos in the chapel, outside the chapel, at the stake center, on a podium, etc. Kitsch and junk, the kind you will find now on TBM FB wall posts.

Thankfully, these college friends don't behave like the exclusive Mormons; I've been networking like mad with everyone for future projects and such and they've been friendly, open and accepting.

Try not to take up too much time lamenting about wasted time in the church. You learned more there than you know (as in how to avoid anything like that again, being duped etc) and use this time now to start building memories. It's never too late.

You meant well in your message. But the whole point of this board is to take time to lament about wasted time in church, part of the recovery process I believe. I would have very much liked to avoid anything resembling a cult without going through the whole rigamarole. It could also be argued that whatever one has learned or experienced in the church could have been learned in a secular world, perhaps gaining even more skills or understanding in the process. I agree though that it's not too late to re-connect with my friends again.

You're right, I meant well.

I never meant NOT to grieve, grieving is good. Grieving is good for recovery. Wasting more time, giving more time to the life sucking cult is what I was trying to help people avoid. Perhaps I put the cart before the horse too quickly and for that I apologize.

Naw, can only learn about cult, deceit, con men, bullshit by having first hand experiences with them. Actually my comment was one of those, "maybe down the road in a couple of years we might see some good (although in learning a negative lesson turned around for the positive now).

AND that is exactly what my husband said to a bishopric member when they came over last night to try to talk us out of having our names removed which goes into effect (on their part) in November.

Oh yea, I was assuming you were much younger than me...like in your twenties? So I was tempted to want to say go out and live live live, you are young and your whole life is ahead of you...go do it baby.

But if you're in your fifties like me, well let's just lament together about wasted time out of an already shorten life span.

Seriously, I wasn't trying to tell you to suck it up ....

No worries there, familyfirst. No offense taken. I'm just glad I come off on forums as this youngish perhaps virile individual; what I wouldn't give to be back in my 20's again! But I'm happy in my skin at 47.

You're not the only one. Soon after discovering the truth I realized that I had almost no social life outside or many memories with family members. I had spent so much time with church meetings and church stuff that I was absent from important family events. I especially regret not attending a cousin's wedding in another city. I look back with some regret on how many times my family accomodated me in family events and at the things I missed because "I had to go to church'. Sometimes my family or friends will talk about x or y thing they did or I see a picture and I'd say something how I didn't know about it or how I was not invited, the answer is something like they didn't want to offend me with 'mundane' invitations (usually get togethers were alcohol was served) or it was on a Sunday. It is just one more thing I want to beat myself up for when it comes to the lds beliefs. But then again, not much I can do about it other than laugh at myself for believing so blindly.

D

Agreed! No social life outside of LDS events and no social skills. At this age, I'm still struggling to pick up normal social memes from normal people. Including some Christians.

And the alcohol was also part of the reason I wasn't in any of those parties. I would proudly say I don't drink like it was a virtue; what a tool I was then.

Don't worry about it, most of wasted our youth. I've only ever had sex with one woman in my life, and I'm still married to her. Yet any time I start regretting my wasteful teens, I realise that I am yearning for something I no longer want. I don't want to be a teenager again, or a young adult. I just want my wife who I love to know the same truth as me regarding TSCC.

Life is too short for regrets.

charles, buddhist punk Wrote:
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Thank goodness none of
> them were/are Mo back when we were all young,
> nubile, sporty and brash young men and women.

Now, THAT is an image to hold onto....even if part of it is just in your mind because you were not in the pics!

Sorry you missed so much, glad you have not missed more. You are lucky to have nomo friends who didn't hold the church against you.

Sounds similar to my experiences. It sucks when you look back and wish you had done things totally different.