And by that, I mean the first time you knew you were supposed to feel it, but didn't?

For me, it was my first time doing baptisms. I was 12. It was me, my brothers, my mom, and grandma. We went to the Mesa temple.

For some reason we went through the front entrance instead of the baptismal entrance (i didn't know any better) and I just knew that when we through the rotating door I would feel different.

I didn't.

We stood there for a minute or two while my grandma talked to the sentinel guy checking recommends (probably arguing about having to walk all the way around to the baptismal entrance) and I had the courage to ask my mom why I didn't feel the spirit.

She told me that she felt it and with time I would to.

Talk about cog-dis.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I think we can all think of the first time the church shifted the burden of proof from the Holy Ghost to us. I really feel like this is one of those significant experiences in a LDS child's life that will either sow seeds of rebellion or indoctrination, or possibly both.

Even as a 12 year old I knew that either the Spirit was in the temple or it wasn't. It shouldn't be up to me to feel the spirit, it should be up to the spirit to touch me.

When was it for you?

The temple was a huge let down. I dreamt for years of the magic of the temple, and then when I got there, I was creeped out. It seemed like a bad joke to me. I was supposed to live my life so that an old fart could touch my naughty bits?

I tried to go back a few times, but it went from creepy to boring. LDS, Inc. banks on the temple keeping people in, but it is anything but an uplifting experience.

I had bad nightmares when I was litlte and was afraid to go to sleep I think it was that when all amount of praying didnt work I just had to wate till two oclock in the morning every night to sleep.

Girls camp. Everyone was crying at TM. I thought it was stupid.

The next time was during my temple wedding. I wanted to RUN.
I didn't because i was hundreds of miles from home without a car, I had 300 people coming to my reception that evening.
I was barely 18, and didn't have the courage.

I don't think I've EVER felt the spirit, or even what I might suppose passes for it. So I would have to say my own baptism, aged 8. I got dunked by my Dad, the water was wet, I got changed; then 4/5 men pressed their hands on my head and gave me the Holy Ghost. I didn't feel any different afterwards.

And yet it took another 20 years of similar experiences before I finally started investigating exactly what it is I "accepted" belief in, without evidence.

When I went into the MTC I realized that I hadn't had my Moroni 10:3-5 burning in the bosom testimony of the Book of Mormon. I had read the book twice and really believed that if I followed Moroni's promise I would know it was true by the power of the Holy Ghost. I remember kneeling down on the industrial carpet next to the MTC dorm bunk bed I was sleeping in and asking if the BOM was true. I still remember opening my eyes and staring at the cinder block wall and realizing that I wasnt feeling anything. I figured at the time that it would come to me after a while but it never did. Fourteen years later when I finally admitted to myself that I no longer believed I counted that experience as the beginning of the end for me. It bothered me for the entire 14 years and was the foundation of many of my doubts.

I think of this question like, when we was first time you didn't feel the spirit and were really supposed to... Never got a Moroni witness - biggy. YW camp and EFY. Nope. Not even during the big cry out testimony sessions. Many little things like that growing up. I always thought I wasn't worthy enough to feel the spirit.

Then the temple endowment. That shit just FREAKED me out. My temple sealing. Truly devastating. Nothing about love or me and DH's relationship. I was marrying the church.

The temple really opened my eyes. The first time I was able to think - hey, there's nothing wrong with me. The church is weird.

Don't remember the first time, but one that stands out in my mind was sitting in Sunday School class watching some video put out by the church. It was supposed to be a real tear jerker. I looked around and all these people in the room were crying and feeling the spirit. I thought the whole video was lame, contrived and shallow. I felt nothing whatsoever. It had some obvious errors in it that stood out to me.

It was one of those moments that I realized that the spirit was a self-manufactured product. It had nothing to do with verifying or manifesting truth.

I distinctly remember expecting something to happen at my confirmation and feeling nothing.

I can't say exactly when was the first time because all the time I "didn't feel the spirit" I was so sure it was my fault, for not being prepared, for having argued with my brother, etc.
(now I know better)
But I can say that the first time the spirit told two things different about the same thing was when I was in charge of music in RS. I decided that I would not use the hymnbook or presentations by the motab. I would think alot about the women during the week and with all my heart I wanted to touch at least one of them and I would let my self be guided by what I felt, as I would look at all the possibility according to the music I had on hand.
I would choose from diverse styles and culture (from Claire Pelletier, to Il Divo, to the Bee Gees, to old French folk, etc, etc) I always chose things (except maybe twice in 4-5 yrs) that ended up being something special for at least one of them (but most of the time it was for all of them). There was always one of them coming to me at the end of RS saying something like : "That was my dad's favorite music and I've been missing him so much lately and that piece just made me feel better".

Well the woman in charge of the music for the entire ward (who happened to also be the bishop's wife) was adamant that the spirit had told her that I was to use only the Hymnbook or motab or on occasion some classical music.
The thing is, I knew I was doing something right and good. So I just let her talk and kept on doing what I felt was right and good. But it was a clear case of the spirit giving two contradictory answers about the same thing.

I should have felt it when I went to the temple. Never did, no matter how worthy I was at the time.

There were emotional moments, but, damn me, I was too grounded, I guess, and I just recognized them as emotions.

All those times I was SUPPOSED to feel the Spirit, I would be thinking, "Come on, Holy Ghost. Let me know you're there." All I got were feelings, nothing more than... feelings. But I kept chugging along, trusting the testimony of others, hoping someday the magic would happen for me.

For me it was a few weeks before I was supposed to leave on my mission. I had just reading the Book of Mormon and decided to really ask for a spiritual confirmation saying the Book of Mormon was true.

I prayed several times and nothing. I figured I knew it was true already so god wouldn't waste his time telling me something I already knew.

The temple weirded me out as well. I grew up hearing it was the most magical, spiritual place in the whole world. The reality was completely different. I just walked out of there trying to figure out what had just happened.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/31/2011 06:25PM by scuba.

seeing as how God is rationing it out.

I had very high expectations when I was baptized and then confirmed. Neither of these holy occasions induced anything speshul in my body.

It was a huge anti-climax. Because I had felt something before, when I had been taught. And then nothing-nothing-nothing, although I did all he "right" things.

Another distinct situation was when I was with the mishies teaching a new girl. Unfortunately, I knew she actually only was interested in one of the "elders", not "the gospel".

Still, my friend, also sitting in the room, burst into tears and all that. And I didn't feel a thing.

I have later felt it quite often and now think it must be something called "elevation emotion". Some kind of "flow" feeling. Nothing to do with "testifying", "truth" &so on. It has actually been researched, at least by one Jon Haidt.

http://people.virginia.edu/~jdh6n/
I am a Professor in the Social Psychology area of the Department of Psychology at the University of Virginia. (For the current academic year I'm a visiting professor at the NYU-Stern School of Business.) I study morality and emotion, and how they vary across cultures. I am also active in positive psychology (the scientific study of human flourishing) and study positive emotions such as moral elevation, admiration, and awe.
http://people.virginia.edu/~jdh6n/elevation.html

When other kids were bearing their testimony. Even the kids that were as young as 11/12 years old were crying while they were at the podium. I didn't get it. I felt nothing when I got up there and started talking.

Interesting-when I read the topic for this thread, my first thought was a baptismal temple experience also!

I was about 17 and my mom gave me the names of my great-grandma and another relative to go baptize for and the whole time in the temple I was waiting for an overwhelming feeling of the Spirit to confirm my great-grandma's acceptance. I was pretty surprised when nothing really happened and I went home and made up a story to my mom.

OK, I know that sounds kind of weird, but my mom really put the pressure on me before this temple trip! She wanted me to make sure to pay attention to the feelings I got there and to basically report back. I couldn't go home and tell her I didn't really feel anything!

For me it was when my sister and I were sealed to my parents. My sister is eight years younger than me, and a really bitchy temple worker was especially rude to her. I didn't understand if the temple was supposed to be God's sacred place on earth, and Satan can't touch us in the temple how this temple worker could be so freaking mean to a 12 year old.

Then seeing everyone in their temple garb all done up. I looked around and was like WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

And then the sealer couldn't get my name right - and after he royally screwed it up, said something alone the lines of, "It doesn't matter, God knows what I'm talking about."

I left fuming. FUMING. Red flags and my hackles were up. My family didn't really support my feelings then.

I guess I've mistaken crying at sad or inspirational stories for "feeling the spirit." Looking back on it now, I cry at Sarah McClahan's animal commercials. I guess I never felt the spirit at the TSCC.

When I was confirmed, on schedule at age eight. I had been told what a wonderful thing it would be to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, but I didn't feel anything different or special at all. I figured there must be something wrong with me.