I've turned into a pariah. Not by my choosing, but by those who decided I wasn't worthy of their friendship.

I shouldn't care and I try not to. But the truth is... I do. I care what people think of me and I care that I am liked. I like to be liked, loved, respected, wanted, needed.

There have been some things go on in my extended family and within the ward that have caused a whole bunch of issues to surface, and people really show their true colors. I thought I was behind all of the drama that comes from leaving. I guess I'm not.

That's all.

I like to think I'm too tough to worry about what a bunch of deluded cult members think of me, but I'm not. When it's family it's even tougher. When you get down to it, the differences between who your are now and who you were then are pretty small and insignificant. Somehow that one little change - not believing in Old Joe- is amplified by the Mormon Culture into a gaping chasm that simply won't be bridged.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/04/2011 06:00PM by Stunted.

Is moving an option??? That's terrible. I was lucky to move to Utah but move to a fairly diverse not as mormon type of neighborhood.

All because my realtor, a raging, reactivated TBM, steered me to this neighborhood. I don't think she wanted the likes of me and my family in her neighborhood, but I thank her anyways.

You may have to look for non mormon type of clubs and get togethers.

Try searching for a group called "Open on Sundays". It's a group of non mormons and ex mormons who get together and frequent businesses and attractions that are open on Sundays.

Heather, all I can say is I'm right there with ya. I've been out six years though, and slowly—very slowly—people start to turn up who are able to respect you for who you are. I like this from George Washington:

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few; and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence."

> "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few; and
> let those few be well tried before you give them
> your confidence."


I like that.

Heather, it's kinda like your own little version of separating the wheat from the tares, except in this case, you don't have to do any of the labor. The weeds sprout legs and just walk on out of your field.

Also, you're cool.

I know how you feel. I am completely surrounded. My situation is different because I haven't been active in years. My neighbors have never known us to be a part of it so nothing has changed. I think that would be tough if we had been active while in this neighborhood and left the church, though. If you don't mind me asking, are you in Utah?

And I actually have a handful of very close and amazing friends. They are true pals who are in it for life. I've just had a hard week dealing with dumb TBM's in the family and neighborhood.

My recommendation:
Get together with your good/loyal friends, have a few drinks and vent. While venting here maybe helpful for you and others here, none of us can really have a drink with you...:)

It works best with TBM relatives, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. to have good timing on when you interact with them. This isn't always easy as the moments when the "Holy Ghost"(tm) is filling their head with bullcrap can't always be well-discerned. The most common time this happens is on Sunday during and shortly after their weekly 3 hours of well-correlated reinforcement doses. It's best IMO to pick days where they are more likely to be "human" than zombies such as Thursday, Friday and Saturday. However if they had scripture reading, a trip to the temple, or watched an old General Conference talk on DVD then all bets are off that they're going to be "human" during those later-in-the-week days.

BTW the "Holy Ghost" might be a registered trademark of Intellectual Reserve, Inc. so I'd be careful about blaspheming that sacred name or else you might bring upon yourself the wrath of Kirton & McConkie's legal minions.

If you are spiritual and Christian, I suggest you look here:

www.unity.org

This is a "New Age Church" that emphasizes the positive energy within us. If there is a Unity Church in your area, you might find it very worthwhile to go there and meet with the people.

Welcome to the club. I'm always posting about subjects like this. Yes, even though we know:
"It isn't personal."
"It is them, not us."
"Mormon friendships are fake."
"They were only our friends to convert us or keep us in the fold."
"Mormons are only interested in money and numbers."

It still hurts, sometimes! The good news is that the more you experience the shunning and gossip, the less sensitive you are to it. Sometimes, I'm able to roll my eyes and laugh to myself--but the rest of the time I cry.

Heather, here's a tip for you. You wrote that you have some good friends. So, whenever you have a hard week dealing with Mormons, or you have to go to a Mormon social function, plan ahead to meet one or two friends afterwards, for frozen yogurt, or call a friend on the way home, or come here onto RFM. I find it helps to BALANCE out all the Mormon nastiness with the love and companionship of good people.

For me and my children, the nastiness was the very worst while we were still members. We were treated like dirt, because we are a "divorced family." We were ordered about like slaves, and I always had 3 callings at once. I never was allowed time off, either, without a terrible fuss, judgments, guilt trips. It was impossible to find a substitute, without running into hissy fits. We would end up coming home early from our family weekends, just because of our damned church callings. My kids had callings, too.

It is sooooooo much better to be an ex-Mormon in a TBM community, than a Mormon in a TBM community.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/05/2011 04:37AM by motherwhoknows.

I have lived in a TBM neighborhood for 25+ years. I think I am the only non mormon in blocks. It has not been easy and for years the hostility was very open and blatant. Some kept track of the people that came and visited. Over the years most of them have come to realize I don't give a shit what they think. Most of them leave me alone and some have become friends. I have helped some in hard times and invited some to my weekend bar-b-q feeds. I drink my beer and they drink their root beer. Life is good now,,

I hope you have a good weekend and a better week next week.

I've said before that I have gotten to a point to not care what my neighbors think--but I have been inactive for over 16 years. There are still the old die hards in the ward, but a lot of new people who don't even know we were ever active mormon, but I've never had a problem with those new ones moving in. They've been very decent. Funny thing is is that most of the men who have moved in in the houses closest to our's--are best friends with my "ex." Some of the ones who knew us before still won't talk to him. We live there together part of the time.

I do remember when he first left, that I did care what the neighbors thought.

For unworthy--I went inactive before he left as I had been single until 27 and so I knew that if I was a divorcee what awaited me and my kids, so I took my kids out of the church to avoid that. It is ridiculous how they treat divorcees and their children in mormonism.

I was not from Utah, and didn't know divorced people and their children were treated so badly--in their own church. When we moved to Utah, I actually thought that our new ward would be supportive--not! Good for you--you saved yourself and your children a lot of grief.

Many of your mormon neighbors are probably seething with envy because of the freedoms you have. In their own little minds, they are telling themselves but but but but, but I do believe most of them are envious.

That may be true but that does not excuse them from treatiing Heather like dirt.

They need to be called on it...It won't make anything worse for her...since they are already completely ignorant and rude to heather.....

It is a luxury I had at the time, so I waited until my move. Once here, I attended a few times, then told the bishop I was through. He saw that as an opportunity to extend a "calling" as SS president, so it forced my hand to write the letter. Point is, I made no friendships here that were later broken.

I had to let myself be sad for a day (okay, honestly two days) but today I'm feeling good.

I'm going out with a pal tonight and we're going underwear shopping and getting lattes. There will be loud laughter and the conversation is limitless.

What I've been going through seems to happen every 6 months or so. I just don't understand why they can't just leave me alone. Oh well... It's the price I pay for being an exmo in mo territory. I wish someone else would hurry and resign, it'd take some pressure off of me. ;)

You're great, too. It is important to "let yourself be sad" sometimes, and not beat yourself up for it. I think we're going to get a lot more posts like yours during the holiday season, as we get together with extended families, and the Mormons put on extra pressure to use Christmas as a reason to stalk us all over again. I make an effort to not let the Mormon neighbors spoil our holidays--but they always manage to throw a little mud here and there. The good advice on RFM has helped me deflect most of the shunning and hating on apostates.

Shopping and lattes with a friend! You have found your own cure!