I've been lurking on this website since my husband got baptized over a year ago. And I post when I'm dealing with anything Mormon that causes stress in our life. I've gotten better at not pushing him to see the truth.

Anyway, DH has been getting more involved at church now, paying tithe and supposedly no longer doing the M. He meets with the bishop most weekly (is this normal).

Yesterday we received a "meet the historic night" invitation to have dinner at his house. It just seems odd to me since I know Dh knows this guy. I feel like its more for this guy to scope out Dhs family since we don't go to church with him. Has any one seen anything like this.

Also dh hasn't seen it yet. I dont want to go. Should I just pretend I never saw it if he brings it up??

It's always better if the couple are both members.

They won't have one dissenter in the ranks, pointing out the personal invasions, hardships of tithing and how much time it takes and asking silly questions.

I'd recommend a more neutral way to meet the bish... invite them to go out for dinner and a movie and spend your time dominating the conversation with his wife. Most likely they will decline anyway but if not, they are on your turf.

Ya I would be more comfortable if it was on my terms. I won't call this guy bishop either. I'll have to figure out how to not go.

Go, but take a list of questions e.g.what method didNoseph Smith use to translate the plates?

If you start getting the 'why don't you cone to Church' routine, whip out the questions and fire a few back

But that's just me. If they want to treat me to dinner at their house, even if it's to try to re-convert me, I'm comfortable enough to engage them if they wanted to. Atheism, even if it's just toward the Mormon gawd, is a very defensible position. It's surprisingly easy to refute anything they say.

Yep, they are out to get you. I am sure this happened with my daughter. She and hubby married in a civil ceremony. Then three yrs. later they were in a different state and she did it. She converted. I am sure she had lots of church people after her....including a bishop. I also know my SIL's family put a huge push on her. If you don't go prepared with what you want to say, it will be uncomfortable. So be prepared, or dont' go.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/14/2010 04:04PM by honestone.

The nice thing about invitations is that they can be politely and firmly declined. I have used this technique a number of times when I did not really want to be in the company of the person doing the inviting. No excuse required either BTW. They want to suck you into their orbit using your husband as a willing accomplice. If you insist in meeting them, do so on neutral ground as suggested and make sure you order coffee and an alcoholic drink to do along with your dinner.

Neutral ground is important with you boldly and politely staking out your boundaries by ordering whatever-the-hell-you-want.

Since your husband will be there and looking hopefully at you while they try to do their "presentation" (the button-pressing), you can interrupt and say, "Oh, let's not talk church stuff--I'm more interested in getting to know you two personally. What do you do for fun?"

They will look blankly at each other because the only thing they do "for fun" is probably sex, since the church has sucked up every moment of their free time. This will also show your husband indirectly that they are LESS of a couple than you two are.

Then you can say, breaking the awkward silence, "Dh and I have always enjoyed (theater, museums, exhibitions, sports, whatever). A couple of weeks ago we went to (name) and had the most fun, didn't we honey? Would you and Bishop like to go with us some time?

Point is, you invite them to join you in your fun-lovin' normal-couple life every time they invite you to go to a Mormon thing. And you accept every invitation to something that isn't laden with "message" like Green and Gold Dance (if they still even have that).

You sound like a strong woman, and I'm sure you can give your husband a far better time than they are offering! In fact, offer him a "Sex Act of Your Choice" night if he doesn't make you go to Stake Conference, or wherever. (hahahaha!)

Anagrammy

And, NO, it is NOT normal to report to the bishop every week!

Show your husband the invitation, and immediately and firmly decline. Make a joke about it if you can.

Be honest, and tell your husband that you would blush in embarrassment! The bishop only wants to help your husband convert you. Oh, how that bishop must love your husband's tithing money, and getting credit for bringing your husband back into the cult! He knows you have a chance of getting your husband out the cult, so he needs to indoctrinate you, too. Would they befriend you otherwise? NO.

Tell your husband that these people are obsessed with a fanatic cult, and that you have nothing in common with them. (Well, except your shared worrying about your husband's sex life) This would be a sick relationship!

My husband got me out of the cult by being a very positive, fun, loving partner to me. You could suggest doing something else together, instead, that same night, and something your husband loves to do. My husband made it clear that he would not particiipate in or support any church functions. It took a couple of years, but he got me and our children out! I will forever thank him for that.

Boycotting church functions works, because the Mormons shoot themselves in the foot. Your husband will never fit in socially, because he's "married to an inactive." He will soon get tired of sitting alone in meetings, being alone in a couples' world, leaving early without talking to anyone, having only fake friends, being constantly harrassed about why he hasn't converted you yet. Let the Mormons chase him away. If you support your husband's cult affiliation, and smooth things over for him, he will just stay in it longer.

It happened to me, and it will happen to your husband. (((hugs))) and good luck.

I went to the park with dd while he was at church and asked him if he would like to meet us there and have a picnic lunch. It has been such a lovely afternoon. He brought up the invite and I told him I didn't see anything. I think ill go to this first "dinner" and then the next time we are invited I can honestly decline due to having nothing in common with these people. I don't even know how old his bishop is.

Also dh signed up to do some holiday meal basket thing that they pass out next weekend. I have plans every Saturday morning and I won't let anything Mormon interfere with my already scheduled life.

Motherwhoknows - its hard to wrap my head around and be comfortable talking with this guy that does know our intimate details. Hopefully I can let dh know that and he can decline any more conversation about it. I'm really wondering why they are meeting so often? It's it to show that they are interested in him? The mishes of his new ward come by and visit when I am not home on Wednesday nights. I let dh know I am fine to have them over for dinner as long as there is no tscc talk.

They are trying to zero in on you and manipulate you into joining by feeding you .

One of the oldest tricks in the book is targeting someone by giving them a little gift in order to make them feel obligated.

Considering how busy most bishops are, this whole scenario is a setup contrived to make you feel special by giving you extra attention.
The payoff for them is to have you join.

I feel sorry for you and your family. Your husband got suckered into joining a manipulative cult.

Leah, that rings so terribly true, every word. Manipulation, BRT (Building a relationship of trust) and whatnot. All the time the conniving behind the scenes.