So it's been about 7 months since I posted last.

My boyfriend who I had always thought was never a true believer went on a mission. We kind of broke up but still kept in contact because I held hope for him and I still loved him.

Three months later he returned because he lost his faith, we got back together, and we both moved to the 'big city' for college. (I began at the state university after getting my Associates and he was just starting out. He decided to join the nursing program)

Anyways, things were going really well and I was very happy.
Long story short, I found texts in his phone (the first time was totally accidental, I wasn't looking for anything, and then after that the seed had been planted) that were very suscpicious.
Nothing too serious and we always 'worked it out'. But then I found an entire conversation between him and some other girl asking for naked pictures.
She never obliged because she didn't have an interest in him, it was apparent. But he's a nasty pervert so he continued to ask.

Then I broke up with him. It was incredibly hard. And I think I lasted about 1 day before I agreed to meet with him. He came over, crying his eyes out and pleaded and begged and said he'd do anything and everything for another chance.

So I agreed. Looking back I just didn't really want to be alone because we had grown so comfortable with each other. I was definitely still in love with old boyfriend, not the new guy he had slowly morphed into.

Two months later I looked through his phone again (because I had no trust, and he was supposed to be helping me to build back this trust. I tried with him, but it never seemed to work) and found more texts to the same girl. Really inappropriate ones too.

He's always been sort of a 'social chameleon'. He craves attention all the time from anyone and everyone. He'll change himself to conform to those around him.
He never really had any close friends, especially now.
(I'm not going to lie, that makes me kind of happy)

The couple of days following our breakup I was obsessing about it. (As girls tend to do) And I wondered if his behavior is in part due to that he was raised in TSCC? Being the 2nd youngest out of 8, probably not getting much attention.
Then the sexual frustration he probably went though. Him wanting to 'experience being single'.

I know that he shouldn't blame anything on being an exmo, and I shouldn't account for his actions based on that.
He's just an all-around bad person with bad intentions.

I also am not sure if I'm posting this for sympathy or advice.
I guess I don't really need advice. It's been 3 weeks since I broke up with him and I'm doing really well, considering all we've been through in the past 2 years.

I think the thing I'm most angry about is all I've sacrificed for him. The 3rd of this month marked the one year anniversary of when he left for his mission.
I keep thinking that if it weren't for me, he still might be out there. Stupid bastard.

...maybe this was more of a venting session.

Thanks!
rockfish

Sad story. So sorry for you.

Breaking up was the right thing to do.

Growing up in the cult screws with your mind so it is hard to imagine there isn't some contribution, but I wouldn't read too much into that angle if I were you. You did waste time, but you also showed your character and true colors by your careful loyalty and sensible dealing with the situation. You will come away with a better set of experiences and choose a better partner.

Would you accept a virtual hug?

I will!

I am sorry we are shutting down the board. Bad timing....

The church has damaged many people. You are smart and it is clear from your writing you are going to be OK. You are getting out of a bad relationship early. That is a good move.

We will be back online Monday. Hang in there.

But he sounds kind of scarily confused and I'm thinking being away from him is a good thing for you.

Yeah, Mormonism could have contributed to what he's going through now -- but he's an adult and he's the only one who can figure out how to cope with it. And clearly he hasn't asked you for any help on that matter. :)

If you think about it, Mormonism does not hold a very realistic view of women (we're supposed to be pure and chaste, be modest, not work outside the home after marriage, be a baby-making factory, etc.,) so it would not be a surprise to me if it messed with how a guy relates to women. Whatever is driving him, my best guess is that it will take years for him to work through. A guy who keeps being lewd with a woman who is clearly not interested has *issues*.

You sound like you have a realistic attitude and that your head is in a good place. You can love someone a whole lot, but if he doesn't love you back, there's not much you can do about it. If you need additional reinforcement for your fortitude, I recommend the book, "He's Just Not That Into You." If I had had that book as a young woman it would have saved me a lot of time and heartache!

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/just-not-that-into-you

Thanks so much for this update. I had wondered how things were going.

Good luck going forward - how is school going otherwise?

School is going well, thanks! Although it feels like it will be never-ending. I'm going to be applying to grad school in a year or so, so I'm looking forward to that :)

You didn't marry this guy and you're not stuck with him.

I think a lot of Mormons in their late teens and early 20's are very emotionally stunted. (hell, some never grow up.) He needs to figure himself out and mature a little. If I remember one of your last postings, he comes from a dysfunctional family as well, right? So maybe he's not necessarily a bad person, he just doesn't know how to be in a healthy relationship yet and he wants to experience formerly forbidden fruit. It takes time and good therapy to undo damage from a double whammy like this.

:(

Relationships are tough! All the ones I've walked away from I've always felt better about walking away from, if that makes sense. It's hard to see when you're in the middle of things.

A couple people who I ended things with, it's been hard not to stay in touch and contact; one person continued to act like he was my "friend" and would want to go to lunch with me and tell me about his day, etc, even though he treated me like crap when we were together. I put up with it because it was in a work environment, but as soon as I moved I cut off all contact with him and it's been much nicer.

Reading John Gottman's books have helped, and helped me develop a more healthy idea of what a relationship should be like. Also developing my own hobbies and interests, although that's hard to do when you're in a funk.

I think mormon men have a hard time relating to women as people after adolescence. I've tried talking to friends' husbands before and they just clam up or don't know what to say. So weird!

Thanks every one. It's been tough. But I've got a lot of support from friends and family.
I moved out with a boyfriend and had him be a constant in my life. So I'm thinking what I'm afraid of most is the thought of being on my own.

But I realize that I'm never really on my own even though I'm single.
Every day I think about it less and less and every day it gets a lot easier.