I was planning to leave the church when i moved from my hoetwon, as it seemed easier to break the ties when i would be dealing with strangers as opposed to members I'd known my entire life. It ended up being a very wise decision.

I receive visits maybe twice a year from either the mishies or from a local stake missionary. Visiting teachers send me monthly printouts, which i've read enough of that I now toss them before eiven nsealing the tape. They don't even bother to put the canned literature into envelopes.

What I find funniest are the written invitations to events, which are usually potlucks. The invitations are printed, but there's consistently a hand-written post-script at the end. It always says, "and if you come, bring a main dish and salad if your last name begins with A thorugh m, and bring a main dish and dessert if your name begins with N though Z." First of all, in the twenty-plus years I've lived in this ward, I've never darkened this meeting house's door. Wouldn't one think that JUST ONCE, they could take a chance on my showing up without worrying about whether or not i came bearing food? If they're really trying so hard to entice me back into the fold, couldn't I be their guest just once? Then, if I came a second time to one of their potlucks, i could bring my rightful share. I'm just tirying to be logical. I'm not showing up no matter what, but even if I were thinking of it, I'd be more likely to take them up on the offer if they wanted me there even without my contributing to their trough. It's not as though either i or my husband are cows who eat our combined weights at every free meal we are offered.

Just one more thing . . . The added post-script at the end of each invitation is always hand-written, yet it says, "If your last name begins with A though M." Can't the person who addressed the invitation and wrote the post-script (same handwriting, by the way) tell by looking at my last name that it begins with a letter between A and M, and therefore ask me to bring a main dish and a salad, instead of including the bit about what I should bring if my last name begins with N through Z. It just seems like it would save a a few seconds and a bit of ink. I just wonder how smart these people are sometimes.

"I just wonder how smart these people are sometimes."

Simple; they're not.

I was invited to a 'church dinner' at someone's house where less than 20 people would be there. No one indicated you could bring something. I showed up and felt like a schmuck because I hadn't brought anything. They figured I was "poor" and therefore could "not afford" to bring even a three dollar bag of dinner rolls from Safeway (24 to a bag and delicious). It was condescending of them not to mention people brought a side item to these 'small dinners'.

Then one time the big potluck dinner at the church was so badly planned some of us were told we weren't on the list to bring anything. I showed up and the crowd was huge! As I waited near the end of the line, three or four people actually went through twice, pointing out the best dishes to the others who were just going through
"to be sure and get some of this, it's great".
They even talked amongst them selves about it.
"How many times did you go back?"
"Twice"
"I went back three."

When I got there; all that was left was melted jello drips, casserole scrapings and some hard to carve the crust out of the pan over cooked dessert pies......At least that time we were with the Stake President who'd been too busy to line up early and he got what we got; leavings and scrapings.
The next big potluck there was lots of food.

What had made me steamed was I'd been happy to bring something but was told it was 'all covered'. Next time, hide a big sandwich in the car........

Oh yeah! there will not be a next time! Yeah!

Well if you do bring something, how about a nice rum cake? or a coffee laced sour cream coffee cake or a tea based orange flavored punch. I have brought all of these. they were inhaled.

Ooooh that tea-based orange-flavored punch must be really good.

You bad, bad girl!! Good for you.I'll bet you smiled for a week.

send the invites back marked "return to sender?"

My Dad was in the stake presidency when I was growing up. At the time it seems like our ward had a pot luck every month. And my Dad hated them! He always complained about getting indigestion from all the bad food that was there.

So whenever a pot luck was scheduled Dad would take the family out to dinner at a nice restaurant, then we'd show up at the pot luck late for whatever program they were having.

So I always loved to find out a ward pot luck was scheduled - it always meant the family was going out to eat!

as a VT. I don't know how many times people used invitations and announcements that were left at people homes and "Attempts to contact"

Cos we kept the stats and had to send them to Salt Lake.

Doesn't there seem to always be a ward family (usually with lots of kids) who will bring a small package of cookies from the dollar store, if anything, but the entire family loads up their plates with so much food that it's ridiculous. They don't care if there's enough to go around for everyone else, just as long as they get their money's worth of free food.

One ward potluck one of the bishopric, who was one of the first in line, poured about 1/3 bottle of salad dressing on his lettuce. There were only 3 or 4 bottles of salad dressing on the table so of course several people didn't get any dressing on their salad.

At a 8th grade potluck/graduation at the Jr. High the dessert table was loaded with delectable desserts; pies, mile high cakes, cheese cream cakes etc. I took the time while waiting for the line to dwindle down a bit to cut up the desserts into serving pieces and actually serving a few slices to people. It saved a lot of back up line time because no one had to find a place to put their plate and use two hands with a tiny utensil carving a sticky but yummy chunk out of a cake or prying up a slice of pie to precariously balance on a little fork and tip onto their plate. I got to laugh and chat with everyone and ask them what their favorite item they would like; lemon pie, chocolate cake, cherry and/or apple pie, and etc.

Made the graduation a lot more fun for me because by then I had a hard time sitting through long programs on cold metal folding chairs! It also had the side effect of putting a lot of people into a good mood!

This, I kid you not.

The biggest pig of a woman, nearly 300 pounds and from a super-rich family always came in with a square metal cake pan that she had made one small package of orange jello in for her contribution to the pot lucks.

On top of eating like a hog at the trough, she always had to take some of whatever was the best home for later. That is what she used the metal cake pan for after she scraped that thin layer of jello out of it as NO ONE ever ate her jello.
By-the-way, her father was Bishop for years!

There was a running joke in our family...Where two or more Mormons are, there you will find food!

I went to one potluck and a member lady had made a very large jello salad. So big in fact, she did not have a dish large enough. She used the crisper drawer from her fridge. Kid you not.

That's just nasty.

Oh my Lord, that is the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Omg!!! Hilarious! Was this in Michigan? Sounds like something one of the gross unstable members would do. Ha.

I HATE ward potlucks. The food is gross and sparse. Members are selfish and rude.

The only the exception - Mormons in Hawaii. Now they know how to do a potluck. Food is always good and plentiful. But I chalk that up to the island culture.

My sister lived in Hawaii for a while. All the locals brought huge tubs of macaroni salad. Sometimes a non-local would bring a green salad. At the end of the evening, all the macaroni salad was gone, and the green salad nearly untouched.

I'd been telling in writing and verbally leave me alone. My husband had gone to the ward house and yelled at them and had flipped them off and used foul language in our yard and at the door.

Still, some nitwit woman thought she had a right to assign a hot dish to me inspite of the fact that I had never met one person in the ward and had never set foot on church property in this state. And she had the gall to be offended when I used an exasperated tone with her.

I wasn't invited to this event except to bring the food.

Mormons look like fools when they pull stunts like this.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2011 07:29AM by Cheryl.

I enjoyed most potlucks at the church but it is true, you have to be first in line to get good food as most people made only a small amount, like for four or six people. They were wealthy too. I used to make a hot meal for about 10+ people.

What I hated was assigned pot lucks in that every one had to bring a soup and rolls. I like soup, but no, not as a ward function. I don't want to go somewhere just to eat soup. That is just me.

Then there are the dinners where you either are assigned to bring ham, funeral potatoes or green beans. You must follow the recipe that is given out for the funeral potatoes, all dishes must match exactly. Actually I give my funeral potatoes SEASONING. Green beans must be boiled only. Can't do it up with garlic and olive oil. Everything in conformity.

Mormons are conditioned to know, understand and obey these things. If you show up without something, then you are not following the "way things are done". You'll be seen as non compliant.

Realize that Mormons are in their own little world of understanding. They are the epitome of a "peculiar people".

Or if you don't want to be invited anymore bring beer!

My family has always made a traditional Scandinavian dutch oven dish we call beer potatoes. One of my Dad's uncles was on his Stake's HC and one Stake leadership Christmas party he brought them. He told the story with a big beaming grin. Those who didn't recognize the taste loved it, and those who do were afraid to say anything.

I once made the dish for a party with my high school friends. One guy, who was one of those young SP is still very mad at me because that was the only alcohol he has ever partaken. It least that he knows about :-).

They just sent the same thing to everyone on the ward list. Don't take it personally, because it was completely impersonal.

If I had been invited to one of those things, I'd probably make my dad's chocolate mousse which has both coffee and brandy in it. Now, if I was told I had to bring funeral potatoes, I'd bring in my gratin potatoes which calls for white cheddar and heavy cream, not condensed cream of whatever soup.