Today it has been confirmed that my eldest son (not the ex missionary one) is suffering from schizophrenia. This is inexpressibly painful and my mind is full of fears for his present and future, he is so vulnerable but doesn't recognise that he is ill.

There is one tiny, tiny thing which I'm glad about.

At least now, as an exmormon, I am not blaming myself - shoulda had more, better family home evenings, shoulda magnified my callings, etc etc etc.

Also, I no longer believe that if I did EVERY DAMN THING perfectly, for as long as it takes, kept every single mormon commandment to the best of my ability and beyond, the mormon god would reward me with healing or helping my son.

That's two burdens I don't carry now. Very, very heavy burdens.

For now though, I am very, very sad for my dear son's sake. There's no happy ending to this one.

But you know, when he was young, he shone like the sun.

I do hear your suffering but I am so glad you at least no longer have to blame yourself and carry the Mormon burden of did you do enough perfectly.

Remember Schizophrenia is managable with proper treatment.

Make sure your son has a good psychiatrist and it is important he stay with the treatment. Sometimes when they feel better they stop seeing their therapist and stop medication which than can spiral into a relapse.

Glad your son has such a caring parent in you. Maybe consider a therapist for yourself so you have a safe place to deal with all of this. Give yourself support too.

Hang in there.

Your son is lucky to have you. There is a lot of love shining through your post along with a lot of clarity.

I've seen up close and personal how schizophrenia and Mormonism are a very bad mix. Hell, any mental illness is a bad mix with mo-dom. You're son is lucky to have you in all your ex-mo glory.

I'm sure this is all brand new to you, but don't be afraid to get support for yourselves if things become overwhelming. The best way to support your son is to make sure the rest of the family is supported, too. You're all in this together.

Best wishes,

Erin

Just remember, your love and nurturing gave him some of the light that he projected. He is lucky to have you to continue to be the light in his life, as the days ahead may be dark. I hope that meds and treatment work.

This one burden is quite enough.

My son was also bright and beautiful. A really good website to talk to other parents of and those with schizophrenia: www.schizophrenia.com

Love and support to you all.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2011 04:44PM by wine country girl.

My money is on that you are a great mommy in spite of what the Mormon god says.

He's a dick anyway.

I have been diagnosed with depression for almost 20 years and certainly had episodes before that. Your son's illness is treatable, with physcotherapy and likely meds...I have been med free for a year now, but if I get really bad again will prolly have to start again. Be patient with th therapy, it may take more than one try to get it right. I somehow sense I am a disppointment to my parents as well...they were lamenting my 145 IQ etc last time I was home.

Yes, they are extraordinary young people. And we have learned that the very scintillating speed of their synapses is exactly the problem, when combined with certain other factors.

I have a schizophrenic son who is in his forties. So consider this a voice from your future. When my son was in his twenties, he tried to commit suicide 13 times, in a variety of ways. Somehow, I caught him or prevented it, sometimes just following hunches, like one Christmas a "last number" phone call revealed he called a gun shop.

Here is my message of hope for you: you will mourn the future he will never have, that future that you imagined for him and that he imagined for himself. That is appropriate. But there is a new future for him because, fortunately, he lives in a time when the medication for this disease is very refined. The salvaging of a life through antipsychotic medication is an every-day occurance these days. There is one more very important factor : family support.

If you can keep your son alive, even if in and out of institutions, like mine was, through his twenties, he will stabilize after 30 IF and only IF he has family support. Studies have been done which show this factor to be the independent variable on whether or not these patients stabilized as they age. I am a single parent and the only support for my son, but it was enough. He has a life which to any of us would be barren (no wife, no children, no career, few interests, few friends), but which he describes as happy. He can't handle much stimulation because of the internal voices, so he says he's fine with seeing family a couple of times a week and that's it.

My heart goes out to you, it is a long and difficult road, but I can also read the love in your post and with you standing by him, he will have a life he can enjoy, even though limited by his disability.

Feel free to email me anytime @ anagrammy@gmail.com. I can share with you what to say when your son says something delusional, etc, just practical living-with-it stuff.

Best

Anagrammy

Damn, I just spent *ages* typing out a reply with individual responses to everyone who answered my OP and the damn computer crashed when I was nearly through.

Now you'll never know what I said! Because I'm not typing it all out again just for windows to sabotage me.

So a real big thanks to everyone who did reply, your words mean a lot to me. I've been giving it some thought and I never remember anyone with mental health problems being treated with compassion and understanding in TSCC. Always judgementalism, extended to those who were caring for them too. Least I don't have to deal with that now.

European View, my MIL and nephew both have schizophrenia.

Do stay on top of the meds, because they and their medical providers often cannot keep them all straight, and often miss the first signs that they have gone off them again.

Watch out for tardive dyskinisia (sp?) signs; make sure as mich as possible that they are having regular med checks ups, not just psych stuff or counseling. Some of the old and new) meds used to treat this disease can caus glaucoma and diabetes, which in and of themselves, with non compliant patients, can ber very difficult to deal with.

Know that you are not alone. Lots of people directly and indirectly work through the mainfestations and difficulties of this disease and are doing everything they can to make things better for their kids and relatives, and for themselves, too.

Get some rest, check out the Mayo Clinic website, NIMH websites, etc.

And hang in there. Take care of you, so you are better able to help him take better care of himself.

T.D. can be prevented by taking cogentin or a generic form along with the anti-psychotic.

Ana

My grandmother suffered from the same illness. She lived in a time when not much was known that was helpful. Her association with the Mormon church was one of the worst combinations I have ever seen.The judgement and treatment she received at the hands of her mormon peers and family added to her misery. I'm only telling you this because I saw (from a child's eyes)that she would have been so much better off if religion hadn't been a part of her life. So much was kept from me that I don't have many details. I do think that your son is so fortunate that you aren't looking at him through the eyes of mormonism. It did way more harm than good where my grandmother was concerned.

As a mother, I can feel, the worry,heartache, and fierce love you have for your son. I wish all of the children on this earth could have what you give to him. The research and treatment for this illness has made huge leaps and bounds since my grandmothers time. I will keep you in my thoughts, with great hopes for the future.

The meds for schizophrenia have side effects which make them uncomfortable to take. Nobody wants to feel sleepy or sedated. They can be effective, though. The newer meds are so much better (compared to Thorazine), despite their side effects, that they are worth giving a try. Please also read the post regarding tardive d. symptoms. There are some experienced people on this board. Hang in there.