All of the talk about NDEs got me thinking about how the brain works and how fascinating it is, especially after the dream I had last night.

I had a dream within a dream. Something awful happened in my dream last night, and then I woke up and said, "Oh, thank goodness it was only a dream." Then later I really woke up. I had been dreaming that I had been dreaming.

Have you ever dreamed in layers like that? I have, many times. One time I had a dream that I couldn't seem to get out of. I woke up about 7 times in my dream. Every time I woke up, I'd say, "Okay, am I REALLY awake now?" I'd pinch myself and go, "Yep. Okay, good. So let's get started with our day." I'd begin to go through my getting-ready-for-work routine, only to wake up - AGAIN! It was so frustrating.

When I finally did wake up for real, there was no question about it. I was awake. But for every time I woke up in my dream, where it was still a dream, but I thought I was awake, it was so real at the time.

Along the lines of the white light in NDEs, I once had a dream where I was looking into a brilliant white light. As soon as I peered into it, I felt a surge of incredible power rush all through my body, from head to toes. I felt my body jerk with that power. It felt like a healing energy of some kind.

I tried to go towards the white light, to see what was in it, when I began to feel hands around my ankles, trying to keep me from going any further. I began kicking, "No! Let go! I want to see." But the hands held firm to my ankles. They kept tugging my ankles, trying to wake me up.

I couldn't tell whether the being holding my ankles was good, and was trying to protect me, or something evil, trying to keep me from having the experience.

I woke up with a start, only to find myself lying on my bed, in the dark, and it was about 3:00 a.m. It was so real, that I literally said out loud, "Hello? Anyone there?" But nope. Silence and a dark room.

It had only been a dream. The interesting thing about it, is that I'd always had a very strained relationship with my mother. It began to heal from that moment onwards. My sister once said to me, after I'd talked about my mother, "You're a very angry woman."

I'd had a feeling at the time that the healing had to do with my mother. I had a 'vision' of her dying just before I woke up, with my Dad trying to hold her up. It was the anger I'd always had towards her which died on that night.

We now have the best relationship we've ever had. I've forgiven her completely and whatever anger I once had has completely disappeared.

Whatever that light is, wherever it comes from, it does seem to alter something in our brains. Perhaps our brain just gets tired of feeling that anger, and has a way of healing itself.

I read a great book once about anxiety and depression and it described depression as simply a tired brain. I'm talking about the normal little downs we all get when our lives are really stressful. Not the chemical kind of depression which needs medical help.

But it made sense. When we're stressed to the max, we think and think and think about the same thing, over and over again, until our poor brains go, "Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore."

The result is physiological. It's our brains being low on fuel, but it manifests itself as a feeling of being down.

It's just all a very fascinating study.

If I had known back in school there was such a thing as dream research, I would have jumped all over it. It's one of the things that fascinates me most. At least I get to study my own dreams every night.

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all of its contents.

......
I always liked that line.
I think that is where dreaming keeps us sane. Dreams can be very upsetting, confusing, and even delightful, but dreams are how the brain gets all that stuff off its chest.

I used to have terrible nightmares that I was guilty of murder, or in the presence of a horrific crime for which I had no alibi and I discovered that the key to escape was to simply wake up.

Curiously, the last time I had that nightmare I remember telling the person who was forcing me to help him that this was not my fault and I refused to take the blame for it and he was on his own because I was waking up.

I have no idea why I have these dreams, and reading various dream-meaning articles leave me with as many possibilities as dismissals.

One thing is for sure- when I quit going to church those dreams became rare. And the recurring nightmares of being trapped at the top of the stairs with no-where to go and no way back down have stopped.

Probably due to my own feelings of never being good enough instilled through years of parental guidance and countless sacrament and conference talks where you always could be doing better and any misfortune in life was by your own faithlessness, no matter how diligently you pour yourself into the work.

I remember my first true nightmare- I was trapped at the top of the framework of the garage door while a bad woman wearing a black and flowered dress was trying to jab me with a broom handle. When I woke up I told my mom about the dream. When I told her what dress the bad lady was wearing she broke down and apologized for the way she had got after me earlier in the day.
Guess what color dress she has recently made?

I remembered that as a lesson in cause and effect dreaming, but possibly may have subconsciously decided that bad dreams must have something to do with my actions.

The nice thing about dreams is that unlike real life, you can wake up and the mess will go away.

"Inception" and I won't watch it again. I leaned over to my ex during the movie and said, "You mean someone else feels like I do?"

Oftentimes I feel like I'm not "present" in my life in terms of it feels unreal at times.

I have definitely had dreams that actually happened. I can usually tell by the feeling I have while having them--such as I thought my brother was very happily married. We were close growing up, but he went through some difficult times as a teenager and I went through my issues with my marriage. I had two dreams that his marriage was in trouble in one week. I kept trying to dismiss them. A few days later, my sister called and said this brother had been trying to get hold of me as his marriage was falling apart.

They stayed together for about 9 months and then I had another dream. I called my SIL and she said that they were fine. A week later, I got an e-mail stating that my brother needed me. A couple of hours later, he showed up on my doorstep--which is the last dream I had.

I have that feeling too, and it is particularly disturbing because now that I've left Mormonism, I still feel like I could be asleep in my old home and have to re-live all of this over again.

I don't think I could do it.

The point is how these things are perceived and if they help a person find comfort and hope.

Santa is an example. If parents are sensitive and and insightful, Santa can be a wonderful imaginary friend. He's a delightful cultural myth and he provides growth opportunities, comfort and hope to children up to about age seven or eight. That's the reality and what's actually at the North Pole doesn't matter.

I consider dreams to be real because they reflect the reality a person is trying to work though in their subconscious minds. Sometimes this plays out well when they're dealing with daily life.

It's a dream that gave me the courage and insight I needed to leave the mormon church. That is very blessed and real to me even though "it was *only* a dream."

Oh boy...

In my present mood I dare not start writing on dreams. It would never end.

Enjoyed reading your post.

If I have a serious nightmare, I have to be careful about going back to sleep, or the same nightmare will cycle itself over and over, to the point where I think I'm awake and I'm not. I have intense, vivid dreams almost every night.

I totally understand what cl2 is referring too- Sometimes not feeling really present when awake- Kinda like Ed Norton's character in "Fight Club."

I think the worst nightmare within a nightmare was about 10 years ago- I was having a horrific dream about being chased by an angry god/demon and I kept telling myself to wake up. I did and walked out into the living room to talk to my ex-husband, and then the demon-god make itslef known again. I started screaming at myself to wake up. I shot out of bed, ran into the living room again, realized I wasn't walking but floating, and the same horrible cycle repeated. When i finally woke up, I ran into the living room with tears in my eyes,and begged my ex to prove to me I wasn't dreaming. I was a wreck for the rest of the day. :\

Oh, I hate those. You go back to sleep, thinking you'll have a better dream, only to keep having the crazy ones.

I hate that 'not feeling present' feeling too. It's just weird. I don't know what that's about. I feel it mostly when I'm going through a lot of anxiety.

Like lately. My Dad went into the hospital for 4 days, 2 months ago. He's still in there. And while he was in there, his brother died and all of the funeral arrangements fell on my Mom and I, because my Uncle had no one.

Interesting few months, to say the least.

I'm sorry all this has happened to you lately.

cl2 Wrote:
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> I'm sorry all this has happened to you lately.


Thanks. Yes, he finally has a date to get out. Friday of next week. It has been a long haul. He got an infection and had to have a second surgery. Then he got blood clots in the IV which was delivering the antibiotics. Just a nasty two months for my family.

Me too kimball. That's exactly what I said to myself - that if I have to ask whether or not I'm awake, then I'm not. LOL

I've never had sleep paralysis, but I'm pretty sure I've had some lucid dreams - hence my few ghostly encounters.

I do type medical records, so I've typed things like this. I'm glad to hear he is doing better.

Hang in there and watch him closely as I had a brother who developed an infection and it took a while to get it cleared up.

come in the early morning, after my alarm has gone off but I hit the snooze button and went back to sleep. Strangely, I always find myself even more exhausted when I wake up the second time. Maybe I should just start getting up when my alarm goes off??

On a side note, have any of you ever experienced sleep paralysis? I had it a ton when I was a teenager. I would wake up but couldn't move. My mother would walk into my room to get me up for school and start calling my name. Then, annoyed that I wasn't getting up, she'd start yelling it. I would try to wrench myself into movement but it would never come. Then she would walk over and shake me and I'd finally be able to move. It happened constantly from ages 14-18.

Before my ex left, whenever he'd be away at night, I'd feel someone in the room, but I couldn't open my eyes. I had 2 little kids and I lived in absolutely fear of anything happening to them. When he left me--I would read all night and sleep all day. I had the 2 kids sleep in my king size bed with me.

To this day, I keep the TV on all night because of this fear. It is also interesting that my dad and my brother keep/kept their TV on all night, too. If there is something good on, I sleep.

Yuppers- me too. I wonder how many of us ex-mo's have parasomnias and insomnia. It sure seems like a lot.

I also have to keep the TV on when my BF is out of town. The last time we lived in Provo, I had to go downstairs and sleep on the couch when he would be gone every week with the TV on. I still have to have the TV on when he's gone and leave a bathroom light on or I have horrible nightmares and sleep paralysis.

Mine was never that bad, but I do remember that the times when it did occur were some of the most terrifying moments of my life. I'm not sure why it stopped happening but I'm happy it did.

I am staying at my boyfriend's house babysitting his dog while he commutes to work out of state. I'm in Colorado (from Utah) in HIS house. I don't know anyone here--and I've been here over 6 weeks now. He comes home on the weekends.

Last night I had to get up and check all the doors several times.

At least I have his HUGE dog here with me--but that doesn't help much when you are having anxiety. I've done "okay" for the most part up until last night. I'm headed home today hopefully. It also helps to sleep in my own bed, own room, but it took me YEARS after my ex left to even find a place I could sleep in my house--at least 9 years after he left I moved from couch to couch, room to room.

O.M.G. me too... on both things. Being more exhausted after hitting the snooze (wanting a coupe more minutes)
and about sleep paralysis. It was stronger between my 16 and 30. I remember that it even happen while I was sitting in a train going from Paris to Strasbourg. I was even more scared because I surrounded by strangers (my sister travelling w/me was not close by, we had had to split). I kept fighting and fighting to wake up (I actually was sort of half awake) Then when I finaly woke up, I kept fighting and fighting to stay awake because as soon as I was feeling sleepy again (wanting to close my eyes and all) I felt that paralisis coming back (for me it was often as if a black tunnel in the back of my head was trying to suck me in)

Long ago I established a rule for myself. If I was ever unsure about whether I was awake or not, or even had the slightest bit of doubt, I was definitely asleep. No questions asked.

Not long after I set the rule I had a false awakening and was able to realize that I was still asleep. Then, being aware that I was dreaming I was able to take control of the dream and cause all kinds of awesome things to happen. It was great.

I love lucid dreams, though I usually wake up right after realizing that I'm dreaming.

"Your life in this world is like a sleeper who dreams that he has gone asleep;
"He thinks, 'I am now asleep,' unaware that he is already in a second sleep." --Jalalludin Rumi

So... why do we think this 'waking life' is IT? Especially when in spiritual literature the *next* state is called Awakening?

It doesn't matter to me what someone else wrote down in a book -- all I have to go on is what I can see and taste and touch and feel and smell and reason. Common sense tells me it's pointless to expect something after this life. Evidence to the contrary is the only thing that would change my mind and I haven't seen any of that.

Sorry, I didn't mean 'after-life' but the possibilities right now.

If people can learn to be lucid ('awake') in a night-dream, I'm thinking this should be possible in so-called waking-life, which may just be a waking-dream. I know I'm not fully aware now...I still get distracted and pursue phenomena, same as we typically do in nighttime dreams, usually without an inkling that they're not real.

Just a "What if..."

That statement really hits home for me.

I don't come here and talk about what I believe or have experienced because, for one, I think beliefs are extremely personal (and may be one of the reasons I had cog dis as a mormon as I never even saw mormonism as others see it)--but I've had too many things happen to me to believe there wasn't something before or something after.

Dreaming I had awakened but then realizing I really wasn't awake yet. I had to keep trying, many times.

In this thread, aren't some of you describing disassociation, or derealization? I get the two mixed up... But during stress and sometimes for no reason, I get the feeling I'm not really here, just imagining what I'm experiencing. It feels a little like dreaming, and definitely " not really present", as someone stated above.

And I used to sleep with the TV on real low, too.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2011 10:45PM by WinksWinks.

Quite a fews years ago I was prescribed a drug, and one of the listed side effects was "vivid dreams". Holy crap! It was incredible. Technicolor, surround sound - the works.

I actually looked forward to bedtime and the dreams. Then the medication ran out :(

Now I have sleep apnea that is not controlled too well, and I rarely get deep enough into REM (?) sleep to dream.

So all of you dreamers out there, enjoy it!

lol...trazadone?

I laughed out loud when I read that.

Very interesting reading this thread!!!

I definitely don't dream as vividly as I used to. I used to have great dreams, very realistic and in colour, but these days I usually don't even remember dreaming.