I wonder about this a lot. My husband just walked away from the church without giving it a second thought. I, on the other hand, spend hours at this site, and I'm reading "No Man Knows My History" by Fawn Brodie and "The 19th Wife" by Anna Eliza Young, both eye-opening books about Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and the beginnings of the church. As glad as I am to be out of the Mormon church, it still seems to have some kind of ugly hold on me. I honestly think that my only option is to have my name removed from the church records. But I'm told that, even then the church still somehow claims me as one of its own. When I read the posts here, I feel so comforted knowing that I am not alone in this experience. I wish so much that I had never become a member of the church...that I had done the investigative work THEN that I am doing NOW and avoided these feelings of pain and betrayal. Funny, they use the term "investigator" for people who are checking out the church, but very few are really investigating. They take everything the missionaries say as gospel and don't think to check out the details of what Mormons truly believe. If I had made myself study the history of the church and actually ASKED the questions that came to my mind during various classes at church, I could have saved myself a lot of anguish and wasted time and money. Sheesh...
It seems to me that some people who post here become obsessed with all the negativity of Mormonism. They dwell on the past to the point of being stuck in an unhealthy sort of way. In my opinion, those who suggest that others "move on" are doing so, not out of malice, rather, out of a hope that they will leave the past behind and begin looking to the future.
All of us here have our grievances with Mormonism and many of us stay on in the hopes of helping others who come along looking for answers and, perhaps, solice. We've turned our anger, bitterness into a positive effort to assist those others who are still finding their way out. We encourage them to move on to healthier pursuits. However, if they linger behind to help newer ex-mos then, so much the better.
I was SO hearbroken, and yes! Angry as hell at the mo-church when I learned of the fraud, I didn't wanted to see and hear anything that mentioned "Mormonism". Only when I calmed down somewhat, 'little things' having been mentioned came back to memory,such as "Our University has tons of anti-books", so I went to check and 'lo and behold' the were nothing but documentations of things said and done by early mormons. Someone else mentioned Masonry, so when I checked out Pike's "Masonic Bible".. BINGO! I remembered how the bishop's wife stated, that the mishies ad a harder time with bible reading people than those who weren't. I read the bible from over to cover and went "Huh? That doesn't jive with mo teachings" at almost ever page. Than I recall the bishop once telling about sites such as this, (he mentioned this site as well) so here I was, lurking forever, but because of what he said, mormons do read this site and who knows.
It's not always possible, but in order to help them, I stay away from nastyness, trying to remember my TBN days/years and how I responed to various 'perceived' attacks. I also remember being told how exmormons just want to drink, fornicate etc. tus it had to be sin which ledus out. I forgot who said it, but someone once said "the best way to beat the enemy is, to study their tactics." We all been on the other side and walked in their shoes. Whether it's the Mormons, JW's or any other cult. It was a huge part of our lives and even tho' we moved on to other tings, what we went trough binds us forever.
Nebularry Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > It seems to me that some people who post here > become obsessed with all the negativity of > Mormonism. They dwell on the past to the point of > being stuck in an unhealthy sort of way. In my > opinion, those who suggest that others "move on" > are doing so, not out of malice, rather, out of a > hope that they will leave the past behind and > begin looking to the future. > > All of us here have our grievances with Mormonism > and many of us stay on in the hopes of helping > others who come along looking for answers and, > perhaps, solice. We've turned our anger, > bitterness into a positive effort to assist those > others who are still finding their way out. We > encourage them to move on to healthier pursuits. > However, if they linger behind to help newer > ex-mos then, so much the better. > > That's how I see it, anyway. Hope that helps.
I tend to agree. There is no timetable for recovery but dwelling on things that happened 40 years ago isn't healthy.People who are doing that may need more help than they can get here. In fact, being here and dwelling on it may be bad for them. BTW, there are lots of reasons why we are here. Some need help, some are here to help others and some , like me, find the board interesting.Having said all that, there are posters who can be mean and cruel to people who are huring.There is no excuse for that.
You can't move on until you're ready to move on. The notion that there's a magic point at which you should no longer "dwell" on your experience is pure fantasy.
It's up to us to own our lives, our feelings. We shouldn't "move on" just because someone else tells us to.
That's not entirely true. I've been out for 16 years and have been around here on and off the whole time. I come here to help out when I can and to bring some levity to all the seriousness. I also come here to pick up wimmin.. cuz exmo gals are HOT.
Okay, I made that last part up.. sorta... okay,,, ya, I made it up. :D
ExMormonRon Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > That's not entirely true. I've been out for 16 > years and have been around here on and off the > whole time. I come here to help out when I can > and to bring some levity to all the seriousness. > I also come here to pick up wimmin.. cuz exmo gals > are HOT. > > Okay, I made that last part up.. sorta... okay,,, > ya, I made it up. :D > > Ron
Ron, ya still have that killer sense of humour! ;o))
Rob Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > This board helped me a lot, so I'd like to think > that maybe something I post here will help someone > else out. > > Also, my family are all still TBM, so it's good to > keep up to speed on the latest tactics I may > encounter from them. > > I'd never tell anyone to 'move on' though. I > think that statement is used by trolls, or > defenders of TSCC.
Well, sometimes. Sometimes by people who are well-meaning, too.
I personally think they mean "move on" in the sense of "try to allow yourself more happiness, and don't let TSCC get to you so much".
As for leaving the forum-- I see no reason to, even if you have completely emotionally moved on. Even if you are totally over everything you left behind in the chruch, still your presence, support and advice here could help pull others out. The big numbers here on this site are very encouraging to people who feel like they are alone in thinking something is wrong with the church.
We should all stay. Or at the very least, check in once in a while.
Plus, some people have weak moments in life, and the church might come around offering comfort... At the time, it will sound good, but... Comming here regularly sort of keeps you brushed up on all the reasons why you left. So you don't get sucked back in.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/15/2010 06:56PM by melissa3839.
I guess I will add my 2 HEY where is the cent sign on this keyboard? Just noticed. Anyway,I truly think I would be in a psyc ward if I did not have this board. I had been on other sights for a few months before I found this one,and I have never gone back. This board allows me to say what I need to and feel the way I do without posters jumping all over me. Sometimes the answers I get are not what I want to hear,but often they are what I need to hear. I think my anger with the morg is very deep because I lived it for 57 years and raised 9 children in it. I think I will be angry for a long time-I don't want to be,but because of my situation I'm afraid it's a given. I guess I should be glad I only have 4 tbm kids,and not all 9,and I am. And I have the rotten marriage before I left the church,so that's another issue. My 33 year old exmo dd gets upset with me for even thinking about mormon stuff. She was able to walk away with very little looking back. But she also has an amazing group (about 40) of friends from her church that have been with her every step of the way. So her whole life now is her son,work,and her friends and church. She has never even googled exmormon,or anything else. Me,on the other hand,I have to pick it apart and read it and study in and look it up. I spend at least 3 hours a day on this site. Crazy I know,but if you all would not send in so many questions I could catch up!! And so much of what you say applies to me,and I like to respond.I do appreciate all you old timers and your wisdom,and all you young ones and your maturity. Thanks to everyone on this board. I know I will be around a long time.
That's like telling a drowning man to enjoy the riptide.
Every exmo I've ever met "moves on" whenever it works for them at their stage of recovery.
I think some of the move on screamers are well meaning know it all-types and others are morgbot plants, here to hampler communication and recovery in an attempt to bolster church pr.
Me--I just enjoy the board. I find it very entertaining--whether it is the drama or the humor. I'm fairly certain I've worked through all my mormon issues, but you never know!
This board is Mormon AA. I had a nasty self destructive habit of going to the LDS church. I saw the evil of my ways and now I don't. I've been sober for 28 years now, but somehow it still has a hold on me. At least that is what I told my therapist today.