Reading somebody elses post just then on an unrelated matter made me think about when I "blessed" my son a few months ago. I had recently discovered the truth about TSCC, and had shared some of my concerns with my TBM wife. She freaked out and told me she wouldn't allow me to bless him (it was the following weekend - yeah, I know, I could have chose a better moment...). In the end she let me do it on the grounds that to not do it would bring embarassment to the family, seeing as everybody would expect me to.

(side note - OK, she didn't exactly say the reason why not, but I can't think what else could have changed her mind. Also, re-reading what I wrote it does come across like I am / was a little bit henpecked by my wife on this issue. Is it really her responsibility / does she even have the authority to "let me" bless my own son? Everybody knows the PH holder is always right... To be honest, I never argued with her on that point, with more important issues on my mind, so this is how it played out, rightly or wrongly.)

Anyways, I have never felt particularly (read "in any way at all") moved by "the spirit" when it comes to inspired words to say in blessings. I avoid them at all costs to be honest, apart from the two baby blessings I have given. So I spent a couple of hours the night before "writing" my blessing, or at least a few ideas of what I might say. I wracked my brains to think of all the recent baby blessings I have witnessed to see if I could plagiarise any of the good bits. I didn't come up with much, but it was enough to sound convincing.

At the moment of the blessing, however, I could only remember about half of what I had prepared (I knew I should have rehearsed out loud...) and so I had to rely on "the spirit" for some inspiration afterall! The thing is though, "the spirit" wasn't a TBM anymore, he was in the process of investigating Mormonism from a critical perspective, and had just a week earlier rejected it's claims.

So the words (and I paraphrase) "...and I bless you that you might have a keen mind, that you might be able to discover the truth of all things through the use of sound logic and reasoning; that you might not be led astray by those who seek to deceive you. I bless you with great intelligence, that you might learn how to evaluate and interpret evidence, that you will always make wise decisions..." or words to that effect.

At the time I knew exactly what I was talking about, and so unfortunately did my wife, but I do wonder how every other TBM in the room intepreted it. I suspect the ones that were listening (25% at most) thought nothing whatsoever of it.


Has anybody else blessed their child whilst a non-believer? What did you say?

The questions you SHOULD be asking are


a) Why are you not allowed to voice your honest opinion in your marriage ?

b) Why can your wife/the cult set the theme for your marriage but not you?

c) How do you see this arrangement playing itself out in the future?

d) Will your wife love the cult but despise you and work against you ?

e) What will happen if you have more children under such circumstances?

f) How do you see your life 20 years from now if nothing changes?

Thanks, Glo, but Yaqoob is right. It all comes down to whether I love my wife and children more than I hate TSCC. It's a no brainer.

I follow Freeman and I like what he has to say. His experience is not unlike mine. He doesn't need questions like those, frankly. He is cerebral about his journey out, he's not a hater, and he has much to lose by acting on the questions you posed. Everyone has a different story to tell. It's better to suffer silently and hate church and post here to vent than piss off a wife with a new baby...

I have to hide the fact that I don't bless my kids from my TBM clan in UT. I didn't baptize my 8 year old. My parents are sick about it and pissed off at me. Last time I blessed a kid (my now 8 year old) I "blessed" her to be awesome like her grandma (to suck up to my MIL). Since there's no calling down gawds awesomeness just say what you mean for the baby.

I'm like you, Freeman, although I have been out psychologically for several years now. My wife knows that I have serious doubts and that I don't believe many things about the church, but she doesn't know yet that I am completely done. I am taking my time and will tell her soon. I know she won't leave me when I tell her, but by taking it slow I'm hoping to bring her out with me.

The reason I blessed my newborn son last month is this: I'm not going to let some other dude put his hands on my son's head and pronounce a bunch of things on him. Especially things that I know to be false and especially that I specifically DON'T want for him! I don't want my son to get married in the temple. I don't want my son to stay strong in the "gospel." I don't want my son to go on a mission. I don't want any of those things! I know it's all nonsense and the blessing is meaningless, but It offends me to have someone lay their hands on my son, telling him that he needs to do things that I as his father wish more than anything that he wouldn't do. So I decided to bless him myself.

I just said things that I personally hope for him: Strong intellect, seeking of truth, health, love for his sister and parents, marriage (I remember specifically saying "to whomever you choose" Could be another guy, who am I to say?), etc. I didn't say a word about the church or the gospel or anything like that because I don't want that for him. Whether or not anyone noticed, I have no idea, but it certainly wasn't like all the other blessings you hear in church.

I'm very glad I did it. It made me feel closer to him and I feel like it helped me bond with him. It helped me internalize some of the hopes that I have for him as a parent. And I also think that historically there is something special about the "ceremony" of presenting your child to the world.

As I said, I'm glad I did it and I wouldn't pass that experience on to anybody else.

When I blessed my oldest child I was a total tool...er I mean I was a total believer. Like you I agonized over what blessings were good enough for my son. I blessed him with what I felt were great and wonderful blessings. Things I felt would lead a to a happy fulfilled life for him.

Afterwards I found out my Mother-in-law was horrified by my blessing. Not because of what I blessed him with, but for what I left out. She couldn't stand it that I didn't enumerate the specifics of getting dunked at 8, receiving the priesthood at 12, going on a mission at 19, getting married in the temple and then having too many kids no later than 22 etc.

She was so upset that when she was asked to bless the food at the luncheon thing she make sure to add those blessings in as sort of a follow up.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2011 04:17PM by Stunted.

Given what a witch my MIL is, I am still surprised she hasn't had a word with me about the same things. I've concluded that either nobody listens to a goddam word you say anyway, or else they let "the spirit" give them the blessing you are not giving, and are not even aware of what they are doing. In their heads you said all those things anyway.

Almost all child blessings sound the same to me. I have blessed a number of children (my own and others) and I recall saying about the same things for all of them. It seems to me that Mormons believe in all kinds of blessings that fathers give to their children (many do it yearly--Father's Blessing) and not just this one.

Mormons (assuming it made sense) should believe that God loves all of his children and thus would care about a inspired blessing for every child no matter who offers the blessing. I actually have always thought that the blessing is more to satisfy the parents, grandparents, friends, etc., than for any other reason where it would be binding or take (I believed this even when I was active)

A HS football coach in my ward blessed his son with good eye-hand coordination. (The kid's first and middle name made the initials T.D.)
It didn't work. The kid was a klutz. Real nice kid, just not very athletic.

My son's blessing was interesting. He was blessed to go on a mission and get married in the temple. You know...standard stuff. Anyway, I was recently reminded of this by my TBM wife. I think her testimony has been shaken. My son has Autism and will never serve a mission and will not likely be married. So much for revelation in the TSCC.

I don't think I have EVER believed that blessings were inspired by "the spirit" even when I was at my most believing. And I have always believed blessings were more for the benefit of those giving and witnessing than the recipient. Come to think of it, I don't know why I lasted as long as I did with Mormonism, as I was never sufficiently brainwashed.

My son was blessed with all the usual stuff, good health, joy to his parents, mission, temple marriage etc, 6 weeks later he was dead. How do you get your head round that?