Holiday time is coming soon, and I know many of you TBMs are planning unwanted contact with inactives, using fake smiles and bribes.

Get a clue. We know the smiles are fake. Don't bother.

About the bribes, do it up right or don't bother. You look cheap and pathetic if you sneak up and leave an uncovered paper plate with two or three sugar cookies.

Just stay away and give the cookies to your own kiddies, unless you can manage to bring a tin or a decent well wrapped glass or plasic plate with at least a dozen chocolate chip cookies, big ones. When I make cookies I aways come out with half as many as the recipe estimates because no one wants to bother with a cookie the size of a quarter.

An attractive card with a friendly message is always more tasteful than some ratty little bit of nothing on a flimsy plate. It's disgusting to think of eating some unwrpped anonymous "treat" from the front porch. Have the guts to sign a small tag or card and be sure to wrap everything well or bring unopened tins or boxes of Sees candy or Hickory Farms delecacies. They are sure to be tasty and sanitary.

I don't think most exmos are partial to measly Rice Crispy bars or little fruit breads.

We do like mormon housewife sweet rolls layered with brown sugar and cinnamon, chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal cookies with nuts, snicker doodles, and rich double chocolate brownies. They won't make us want to go to your pathetic excuse of a church but if the presentation is classy and generous, at least your church won't look more pathetic than ever.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2010 08:22AM by Cheryl.

Here's a thought...

If any less actives amongst us receives a gift such as Cheryl describes, why not repay the compliment by taking it and leaving it outside the door to your local Ward.
They may get the hint...

Dear TBM's,
I'm a 20-something single male who is easily influenced by baked goods (no matter how small or inapropriately packaged). Please send only your prettiest 20-something daughters to deliver your tasty baked goods, as my dog becomes irritable when confronted by preisthood authority.
Thank You

Very apt and well scripted. : )

Hahaha, ok here's mine (not so gracious or sensitive though, what can I say? I'm a hornball and I'm not ashamed):

Dear TBM's,

Hopefully you won't bother me this year. But if you must interact with me, at least do something I would enjoy! Here is my Christmas wish this year:

Please forget the baked goods, cards, and fake smiles all together. Instead-- Hire 2 male strippers, and supply them with Missionary uniforms (name tags and all). Then send them to my house. Tell them the door is unlocked and they can just come right in. I will be waiting on my couch, holding the remote to my sterio-- ready to press play on the highlight of Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff".

Thank you.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2010 08:48AM by melissa3839.

Are you hoping for the stick of Judah and the stick of Ephraim?

More like the tower of Babel before it fell... Times 2 :)

I'm horrible, I should kick myself... Hehe.

You're more likely to get a still small something or other...

Better not! Or I'll make them clean my house to make up for it :)

Have you considered sending out sweet spirit girl Poodles with gifts of liver treats?!

Gifts need to fit the needs of the one receiving them.

Too many TBMs expect us to appreciate highly inappropriate items, sugar treats for diabetic exmos, three measly cookies for a family of six, Friend magazine or Ensign which NObody likes.

If TBMs don't know the person they're fellowshipping, they need to take precautions not to insult them.

That's what this thread is about. Young singles like sexy gifts. Most others like chocolate unless they're allergic, dogs like liver.

Be careful TBMs, fit the gift to individual needs or don't bother. Most of us want to be left alone entirely, but if you must fellowship us, do it with style or stay the heck away.

I'm slightly unclear...

I thought the thread was that you wanted to be left alone unless the gift was something you really wanted, in which case they are welcome to not leave you alone.

Or did I misunderstand...

They will be arrested after they are hosed.

But I realize that many exmos enjoy mormon treats. For years and to no avail, I advised them not to accept the stuff mormons dole out.

So now I'm letting mormons know:

1. If an exmo threatens legal action or vehemently demands no contact, comply or else.

2. If an exmo is wishy-washy about no contact and TBMs insist on dropping off "goodies," use some discretion. Bringing unsanitary or inappropriate junk makes the giver and their church look sleazy. Do it up right, or don't do it at all.

3. Fellowshipping and bribes don't bring anyone to church ever, but if mormons must do it and if exmos aren't going to put a stop to it, at least TBMs need to be honest enough to sign a card and bring something others might like.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2010 10:13AM by Cheryl.

I particularly like the arresting and hosing part, although it may be too subtle for them to take as "no further contact required..."

Dear TBMs:

You probably don't remember me. Let's leave it that way, K?

Ron

LOL They don't love-bomb in my part of the world, but it sort of weirds me out. The idea of some stranger sticking who-knows-what on my porch and then running away. No matter how good it looked, I doubt I'd eat it.

Free Cookies and cakes?
That is the best part of the entire church. They can drop off that stuff to my house anytime they want. Heck if they start delivering pizza I might even start giving them a tip.

Tsk, tsk, tsk...

Careful who you take goodies from. I have 2 words for you:

1. Hansel
2. Gretel

Hehehe :)

There's much to learn from that cautionary tale.

Here's my plan: When I hear the doorbell, I go to the door look through the peephole. I can see someone from the ward (doesn't matter who it is) with a plate of Christmas cookies.

I open the door quickly, grab a couple of cookies and stuff them into my mouth.

And then I slam the door.

Heh heh heh.

all the pathetic anonymous tbms leaving gifts and treats for the well to do anointed was incredible. One year they were out of town for Christmas and the stuff piled up in front of their door for a week.Looked like a dumpster at a craft store after xmas. Funny how next door a family in crisis got nothing on their doorstep.
The TBMs tried to out do each other for kudos every year so they could get a pat on the back from someone who had a direct connection to god through her father the GA.
The best part is the giant steel frame lighted star over their house attached to the chimney that led the way for the tbm zombies to leave their crap.

YEAH! totatally! What you said!

to think I used to think that was normal- getting little plates left by the door- how disgusting!

I want full sized cookies! & I want them good with neat things in them. & not written on by cats left on the door mat.

what is worse I can remember when my resources were spread so thin that any little treat was a relief. NOW i make my own cookies! & I can save or divert my own funds & by Sees Candy (there's a place that sells it at the Visalia Mall, a real Sees Candy store. What am I waiting for plates of strangers' cookies for?)

I even learned that instead of making tiny plates of partial treats, I can bake and make amazing things for my actual friends & family.

Thank you Cheryl- your writing & your entire concept is really something on which to reflect. What kind of deprived state did living that religion keep people in- that this treat thing would comfort or excite them? What kind of low self esteem or low expectations with reality did tscc foster in people anyways?

I better not get another damn can of flour like last year or heads will roll. Actually I would rather not have anything to do with TBMs.

Bring me a 12er of Guiness, Extra Stout, and I will let you in, and let you talk about anything you want while I drink them!

TBMs, take the trouble to find out what a person likes to drink before selecting a gift. It's the least you could do.

And NEVER bring a tin of flour for goodness sakes, and especially not to a batchelor who unless you know he's an award winning muffin baker.

bottle of wine in your hand!

What's the point if they don't even say who the treats are from? This happened to me last year... cookies outside my apartment door with no name or note. I assumed this happened just because I wasn't home at the time. So even if I had been home, would they likely have just left them there anyway without talking to me? Again, that is completely pointless. I had no idea who they were from, since I never once attended that ward or expressed any interest in attending. I only found out who they were from after posting something about it on facebook.

I was actually assigned visiting teachers in this ward who sent me two or three cards in the mail over about a year. I don't know why they were assigned to me or even how they got my contact information. The relief society also sent me a monthly letter (not personalized at all) with announcements and cheesy quotes. It was very weird.

I'm not sure if I should cry or be happy??

My goodness, the one benefit of being an inactive and you are poo-pooing it? We are talking about free homemade cookies for crying out loud!

If the person who left it asks if they can do anything for you, let them rake your leaves or something. Take advantage of the situation and put their ass to work.