Went to tithing settlement with DH and kids yesterday. A while ago I asked DH if I could tithe my half (of his earnings) to my new church. That didn't go over very well and my agreeable and level headed husband turned into a monster. With a firm and loud voice he declared that we (as in him) will continue paying tithing to the LDS church - end of discussion. I technically have no income and when I get one then I can tithe where I want. I let the issue drop, since I have to pick my battles, but I did say I'd bring it up with the bishop in tithing settlement. Yesterday was the day and after I told the bishop about the new church I attend I laid out the tithing details.

Now please remember he's a nice 35 year old, and a friend. Very decent Bishop and he has respected my space and privacy for 6 months now (after our initial emails). He said he wasn't going to get involved between a husband and wife matter (fair) and said that if next year my husband only paid in half the tithing and I paid the other half somewhere else, he'd count it as a full tithe (also fair).

He did ask me two questions that he had out of personal concern. 1)did I know how the tithing funds were being used by my new church and 2)he had concern about the paid clergy.

I stated that I did in fact know where the money was spent and that the LDS church does not release it's financial records to it's members. I also stated that there were only 2 paid clergy in my new church, which is far less that the first presidency, quorumn of the 12 and other general authorities who received a living stipend which is basically the same as a salary. I left him speechless to that!

His head exploded...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/05/2011 03:44PM by kolobian.

LMAO! Good job! Did your DH's head explode too? Hope your honesty didn't cause you a lot of grief at home later.

most churches don't have the HUGE central administration that ChurchCo does! It's a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT set-up. Sure, some are involved with Conferences, synods, etc. but I think most are Voluntary.


Local Local Local: accountability, responsibility.

Central Central Central: Lock-step, no accountability, no responsibility

the difference? Priceless!

Not to mention:

Central = Fragile

Local = Antifragile or Robust

When the Church fails it will fall big time due to its overly centralized governance. No one at the COB is accountable to anybody. TSMonson doesn't have to look the local congregation in the eye after making a stupid "prophecy".

Sounds like it's time for hubby to start doing all the housework, meal preparation and child care.

+1

LOL! As if mormons know where every dollar of their tithing money goes!

exmomo:

Do you live in a community property state?

if Yes, that's an 'extra' leg to stand on....

but Of Course, if DH is a TBM, chances are he's under 'The Spell', haha

Good job there. :-D

My Mother went through this in the 50s. Dad was being very controlling over the money. He thought since he earned it he had total say over what it was used for.
WRONG!!!
She went to a lawyer in 1957 and found out she was entitled to half! Yes, half! She may have been a SAHM but she could legally decide where her half went.

Of course it went to food, shelter, gas, utilities etc, but the extra, she could decide if she wanted to get bulbs for the garden, take a class in painting, buy an extra pair of shoes etc. and make a charitable donation as she saw fit!

So hubby is way off base. You do have the right to decide on your half of the discretionary income that tithing is comprised of.

The thing is, he use to be so easy going with finances! I handle all of the finances (bills and investments) and shopping nearly 100% of the time. He's never acted like this EVER!

The problem started when I donated $50 to a Christian charity a couple of months ago without his "permission". I told him about it the same day, I wasn't hiding it or anything. He flipped out!

He's never had a problem in the past when I have bought a $50 something (dress, home decor, shoes, etc) without his prior consent. Also, we are debt free except for our mortgage and do extremely well saving our money.

The church had turned him onto an evil person.

It may be worth asking DH how much your role in the home is worth?

Why do kids go to tithing settlement?

Because the church eeks out every nickel from even the kids. Get $20 from Gramma for b'day? $2 to the church. Earn $200 during the summer mowing lawns? $20 to the church.

Shameful.

Ron

You were exactly right.

And kudos to the Bishop for his position on your tithes.

Some mormons feel disaster will come raining down if they don't do certain commandments.

Some of them can't stand being without garments because they think they'll have an accident and be maimed if they wear jocky shorts.

My TBM mother thinks Satan takes over any home if someone says god, lord, or jesus in the wrong context.

I know mormons who think they'll get food poisoning if they eat something without first saying the nourish and stregthen our bodies magical words.

Perhaps your husband feels at a gut level the family will burn in their sleep or they'll all come down with a flesh eating virus if the lord doesn't get a full 10% cut from the family income.

Would it work to ask him about this? Sometimes airing secret dark fears puts them to rest. If the two of you believe in prayer, that might help calm unreasonable fear.

to take the smug outta someone. I'm sure the guy's a nice guy and all— and I'll bet he just was rattling off what he has been told and never gave it a second thought. That is until you talked to him.

Nice job.

What was your husband's response to that? Is he standing his ground or taking the bishop's advice into account?

My husband had a sour look on his face, with his arms folded - very tense and angry, but he did not say a word.

We didn't talk about it afterwards. I'm waiting for things to settle down in other areas before I press for it again.

In reading what Cheryl wrote--when my ex left, my MIL called and said that she was going to send me pictures of Jesus for every room of my house (this coming from a MIL who hardly knew her children, she and her husband were almost excommunicated for arguing--they were in a constant war all their lives--there was a lot of abuse--although he was a bishop for 9 years).

She just knew our problem was that there wasn't enough pictures of Jesus in the house (I actually had several at the time).

Then the HTs talked to me about not having the priesthood in the home.

My home--with my 2 kids and my dog--was more peaceful than any home I have ever known. We argued seldom.

I love it when they label us as evil.

I'm so glad you STUCK UP FOR YOURSELF especially to the bishop.

You told him! WTG!

Why does everyone say that the bishop is "a friend."?

exmollymo,
Does your husband and the bishop know about the church funded mall in SLC?
I brought that up to my wife's bishop at tithing settlement,
he turned red with anger and said tithing is not being used for that. (how else did they get the $???)
Have you seen the video below?
Please watch with Husband and report.
Questions to ask him afterwards:
-Is it inspired where HF sends his Missionaries?
-Why would HF send these Mish's to Florida?
-Do you think they are controlled by Satan?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dl0c5nl6u48&feature=player_embedded

There was a time in our younger days when DH didn't want to pay tithing. I was fine with that, I didn't like the temple anyway, but I knew there were some weddings coming up that I wanted to be to. So I asked the bishop if I could still get a recommend if DH refused to pay. The answer was that I had to somehow pay on the money I made. We're supposed to defer to our husbands unless it means TSCC loses money, then women should assert themselves and go against hubby's wishes. He even tried to suggest sneaky ways of being underhanded and getting the money (like writing checks over the amount of the purchase, but not in whole dollars--that would give it away, and then put the extra toward tithing).

OTOH, my friend who stayed at home and who's husband went inactive didn't have to pay anything if hubbie didn't want to and still got a recommend because she didn't work. So I work, have to pay child care AND tithing--was it even worth it? Maybe not but I was never comfortable not contributing to the family income.