Ran into someone from the ward at a wedding reception, We don't really know eachother but our kids have played together a few times. She starts asking me how old my son is and telling me how she is in charge of the 10 year old scouts and blah, blah blah... it's so fun and great for the boys and so and so is in it and she knows my kid knows so and so, i responded with "we have a scout troop at our own church and if my son wanted to be a scout he would go there" i said it in a nice way, too nice i guess, cause she just kept going on and on like she didn't hear me at all and ended with "okay, i'll call you" really?? they just ignore? really?

My mother--who is now completely no longer talking to us, and that's sadly a good thing--does the same thing. She approaches you with her pre-thought out spiel, says what she's going to say, and the walks off. If you say something off-script, she pauses for a beat, then continues on with what she was going to say. Her other tactic is to berate you in an extremely hurtful, verbally abusive manner about "sin".

Indeed, in our last conversation, she informed me that I was the reason she'd moved several states away--because she couldn't live in the same state as my moral failure and evil apostasy.

Your mother sounds like such a cheerful woman. Seriousl, that sucks.

Janelle, she sounds just like my mother-in-law. Maybe like a lot of M'sIL.

Ish.....they are the most agenda laden people I have ever known. Nothing is going to knock them off their agenda track. They are right, you are wrong. That is what they are thinking. No conversation or listening skills required.

I think the reason the church attracts and retains so many judgmental people is that you basically get a judgment-free pass. Like, if you're parroting back church doctrine (or something you can dress up to look like it) you're not being judgmental, you're just helpfully relaying the "truth". My mother--and I'm sure you all know people like this, too--considers herself, in her own words, to be "the most non-judgmental person on earth". Which seems to mean, she offers only morgbot-approved judgment, in the form of mean-spirited drivel.

As for my MIL...she's alright, but Mr. Janelle's grandmother is...well, there just aren't words. I still remember when we told them (at a family dinner, probably our first mistake but sometimes there's no good way to tell a Mormon anything) that we weren't getting married in the Temple. But were opting for a horrible OUTDOOR ceremony full of wickedness and sin. His grandmother shouted out, "But you'll go to Hell! You won't really be married, and God will punish you, and you'll go to Hell!"

She recently informed me that when Mr. Janelle and I got together, she thought I was the answer to her prayers, that I would "lead him back to the church". However, she observed, she was clearly wrong as I had failed. Instead of doing the "right" thing, and making my loving and supporting him conditional on church attendance, I'd FAILED!!!

Hold up a hand like a traffic cop stopping an oncoming car, laugh as best you can, and say, "Hold it. Slow down. I think you missed the part about my Jimmy already being happy in his own scout group. But thanks for thinking about us."

Then, laugh some more and change the subject.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/06/2011 05:11PM by Cheryl.

Or, alternately, you can just smile, nod, let her think she's had her way, and vamoose as quickly as possible. Sometimes contradicting people only eggs them on! Especially when they feel like they're on a mission.

Or when there is a pause, say, "Thank you for sharing."

Maybe they're scared to stop talking, you may mention that there are other churches out there that *gasp have scout troops! She also went in to the whole they have to have background checks and there is always an adult with them...