So this girl in my church that used to go to young woman's with me got married! She's only 18, and of course got married to a RM. It just makes me so angry! I'm glad she's happy but my god couldn't she wait a little longer?!?

She's going to have no life outside the home and church. I bet you in a couple months we'll be hearing she's pregnant! What kind of life is this? Bearing kid after kid, and going to church. I'm pretty sure she only had a few months of college before she met him. Same thing happened with some of my cousins. Date for a few months and then make a lifelong commitment.

And then they invited me to the church the celebrate their marriage. I don't even know what to do. I've gone to church once this month for young womans(They came and asked me to go with my little sister. Being the quiet person I am I couldn't work up the courage to say no)I don't want them to drag me back in! I haven't been their for a few months and my life has been a lot less stressed.

It makes me sad and angry that these young woman aren't getting an education. This girl that just got married is very smart. She could've gotten a degree in something. But now she's probably only going to be at school until she has a child.

Vent is over.

Very sad. I agree with your assessment

A recipe for a depressed, unfulfilled and resentful life. Just sad.

One was my cousin (married a guy she's known for 6 months on their wedding day...knew him 4 months before getting engaged---not dated, actually met the guy 4 months before he popped the question) The other is my Sister in Law. Of course, both were good Mormon girls and got pregnant on their wedding night, so before their 1 year anniversary (right after they each turn 19) they'll have baby #1, which means baby #2 before they turn 21. Neither one works, neither one had any career aspirations to start with, or any dreams that I know of.

My sister in law came to visit me last summer, and I had her working with my horses on the lunge line. I told her that whenever she told my crabby old mare something, she had to say it with confidence or the horse was just going to ignore her. Her response to me: "I've never said anything like I really mean it! I don't know if I know how to do that!" Oh lordy...

However, I'm hoping to use DH and myself as a good exmo missionary example...we married later in life, I was 25 and he was 36. We both owned houses, so I sold mine and bought my own business. In 7 years we will be debt free (mortgage and everything). We're not planning on children, but in the event that one comes into our lives, we're prepared to provide for them. We have a 5 year plan and a 10 year plan. Hopefully my cousin and SIL will look at us and think that since we're not members of the cult and giving away 10% and spending Sunday someplace we don't even want to be, that maybe everything promised by the church is just one big hoax. I can only hope.

When I think back to the specimen I was sure was "the ONE!" when I was 18 my toes curl. It's not a question of,"What was I THINKING?!!" because, obviously, I wasn't thinking at all.

Omg yes! I was sooo in love at 19. It would have been a horrible marriage. Luckily he decided to go on a mission and got so high and mighty that he dumped me when he while he was out.

My niece got married at 19. It's been a year and a half and they are splitting up. Marriage at young ages has a really good chance of ending up in divorce. To the extent that they can the church should discourage this. It is implicitly encouraged and the results are disasterous in many cases. They have a responsibility to say something. And I don't mean about how many earings you can have. Say something that makes a difference in a positive way.

As well as an obligation to teach about birth control.

I was a young bride completely clueless, luckily for me I really was ready to be married and have a family, it was a lifesaver for me, literally. I knew from my own mom how to be mom and I loved kids. I wasn't doing well physically or emotionally and didn't want to live anymore until I met my dh.

The best choice I ever made was at 26 years old deciding we were done and getting my tubes tied.

Agreed!!! I just turned 19 and the other day I was creeping all the girls I used to be in YW with on Facebook and almost every single one of them is engaged, married, or pregnant. WTF!!! I can't even picture myself in a serious relationship, let alone married?! After high school I took a couple years off to travel the world, now I'm starting to think about university... guys are not even in the picture...I've learned so much about myself and what I love by being off on my own...these girls are going to be so effing dependent on their husbands...then when things don't work out, they're going to be completely lost.

A story from someone who did get married at 18. I am now 46, btw. First let me clarify, I am in no way condoning this, but only offering a little perspective. I was an only child-weird for a mormon family, I know. As an only child I was always surrounded by adults and I was a very mature 18. Although at the time, I didn't realize this, I believe the whole reason I got married was because I was a good little mormon girl and I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend (a non-member, btw). Having said that, I did love him and I continued to love him for a very long time. At the age of 20 (2 years later) I had my first child and at 22, my second. At 23, he decided he no longer wanted to be married and be a dad and we got divorced. I still maintain to this day, 28 years later, that had he been the person I thought he was, we would still be married. The whole point I am trying to make is that even though I was only 18, I did know what I wanted and if it were up to me, we would have stayed married. So, as much as it is a BAD BAD idea to get married at such a young age, and for the wrong reasons, sometimes it can and does work. I hope your friend will not start popping out babies right away and will get an education first. And for the record, I am very happily married to my second husband, but I remain good friends with the first one.

Agree that 18 is way too young to marry - you don't even know who you are much less what you want out of life. That makes it very hard for you to pick someone who works with your life goals. In Mormonism, this is particularly bad because it's easy to replace your commitment to your husband/love of your life with a commitment to Mormonism. That becomes the love of your life because that's what you married - the Mormon church and it's ideals. The anon RM that is your spouse is just their duly approved representative. Letting the Mormon church into your heart and mind to that extent is very damaging. Combine that with the fact that many 18 year olds become trapped without job skills, life experience and critical thinking abilities they need to cope ... because they never got a chance to develop them ... and you have someone who has really handicapped their life.

That being said, one of my best high school friends got married at BYU to an RM just a month after her 19th birthday. She didn't have the advantage of being unusually mature, like some 18 year olds. In fact, if anything she was immature. But she had 2 things going for her. A very mature, older, strong, centered, really decent RM who she'd known for years in our stake who truly cared that his wife finish college and develop her talents. He told her he wanted to wait a few years to have kids so she could have a chance to grow into who she wanted to be before she had to worry about being a mom. And my friend is incredibly determined when she puts her mind to something. Between her personal strength and his mature perspective, they have had a wonderful marriage, life, kids and two great careers. You do see young marriages succeeding - but only when the participants have exceptional qualities about them that make them the sort of person who would succeed in life regardless.

For the ordinary type 18 year olds, it can be a disaster because they are fed a handsome prince, castle fairy tale and when they fall for it and it collapses there is nowhere to go but the Prozac supplier.