http://edition.cnn.com/2010/TECH/social.media/11/11/national.unfriend.day.mashable/

After being shunned by most of the neighborhood TBM's, I'm thinking I don't like Mormons as much as I thought—aside from their racial and cultural prejudices, their elitism, homophobia, lies and pretenses, and denegration of females.

I feel a huge seperation from most of my remaining TBM friends and family members. Some of it is the result of changing interests and life circumstances, and some of it is personal. Most of the TBM women I know don't work outside the home.. They got married young, and had their children early in life, so now they leave their kids home to tend each other, and they travel and socialize with their husband and other couples. They have gardners and cleaning services, caterers, hairdressers, manicurists, masseusses, plastic surgeons, vacation cabins.. They don't have to carefully budget their money. Yes, I would like to trade places with them—except—they complain about being bored, and having time on their hands. I'm sure their church duties bore them.

The bottom line is, that we no longer have children and recipies in common. I don't have the time, money, or desire to listen to phonecalls complaining about their husbands (I don't like to think about marriage). I no longer like to tag along while they shop, or to go to fancy restaurants for long lunches, and to expensive ballets and plays and concerts I've seen before. These TBM women constantly talk about church-church-church. They like to gossip and compare everyone with each other, treat life like a competition, worry about petty things, and criticize everything. I and my children have been the brunt of gossip too much for me to tolerate hearing any more of it, at this point. Most of the TBM women I know are negative and miserable. They depress me. I can't wait to leave the conversation and get back to my family, my interesting job, volunteer work, non-Mormon work collegues, my single friends, my hobbies and projects. I'd just rather walk my dog, or read.

(Here I am depressing you people by complaining about this.)

These Mormon women seem to have been raised in that tight little box, to be obedient wives, mothers, and home-makers. They take great pride in their husband's church accomplishments—bishop, stake president, temple president, mission president, etc.—but their own growth has been stunted. Most never finished college. Nothing is wrong with that, but they still aren't interested in learning new things. They read only LDS books. They don't know how to (don't have to) use a computer, program a VCR, drive alone anywhere at night, manage their finances, be creative, act independently.. My TBM mother and grandmother were like these ladies, except they were more widely read, involved in politics, and had a sense of humor.. I, too, was supposed to be obedient, serious-minded, glamorous, and well-taken-care-of, but my life turned out different. Abuse left me with PTSD, and I got divorced twice. I had no place in the cult heirarchy, except at the very bottom.

For whatever reason, even before we officially resigned, the gap has widened into a chasm, and I can no longer imagine who I might have been, if things had gone according to "The Plan." Maybe I've always been "different." All I know is that I can't relate to their world anymore.

I would like to see them at our Christmas luncheon, and summer reunions—to not lose contact altogether, because I do care about them. Can I back off gradually, not answering the phone, and making up excuses and lies as I go?

Can I just say I'm very busy with work and family, and assume that they are obligated to understand this because "family comes first"?

Should I let them know I have different values and interests, now, and start talking about those?

Other than on Facebook, how do you "unfriend" someone?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2010 03:00AM by motherwhoknows.