I ask this question because I think most members think that the church really cares how they feel, think, and how they are getting through life. I think this false impression keeps a lot of people in. I also think it is a big shock to people in duress when they find out the church could care less.

I have known members who are in shock when they realize they won't be helped, or in fact may be further hurt by the church when a crisis arises.

I did until I moved to Utah. I grew up in areas with very few mormons, out east. There was a sense of community and a willingness to help. As an example, there was a group in the ward that called themselves Saturday Warriors. Every saturday, they would do projects - roofings, retile a bathroom, finish a basement, etc.

I never experienced anything like that in Utah.

As long as I lived in a small town in CA, I felt like the church and the members cared for me and would stand by me if any ill health or other crisis hit me. I thought that was what church welfare, DI, church employment services were all about - helping members in need. Then I moved to Utah and realized that nobody really cared at all. Even if you did really well, someone was just waiting around to try to take you down a peg. In fact, some of the nicest, prettiest most accomplished women in the ward ended up being my friend because I was often the only one who sincerely praised them and wasn't worried about them getting a "big head." Most ward members just were waiting for them to fail. And for those who did fail, I saw plenty of shunning and condescension and unwillingness to help. Or, people giving the absolute minimum because they were assigned. It didn't make me think the church was untrue at the time but it did wake me up to the idea that the church, at least in Utah, wouldn't help me if I were in need. They'd just see me as a project, a chore, with pity.

My TBM mom still lives in that small town and still thinks the church has loads of resources set away for natural disasters etc. so they can jump in and help members and take care of non-members in the are too. She's so convinced that I really hope she doesn't live to see how wrong she is. She'd just be crushed.

Wait, reading between the lines of your comment, I just realized I could have dated the pretty Mormon girls. I never did, because I felt I wasn't Peter Priesthood enough for them. All those church lessons about finding the perfect spouse always made me feel insecure about being good enough for a woman. I didn't even seriously date until I left the church, it messed with me so much.

You mean the church itself or the members? Of course I knew a lot of members cared about me, I knew a lot of them who were carrying people. We were not monsters, and it was precisely that spirit of carrying that so many of my friends had, that the church loved to abuse with guilt.

As for the church itself, yeah I thought it did, I also thought it was led by a magical being that loves all of us, and individually spied on each of us to make sure we were not breaking his rules. However, the biggest clue on how the church really feels about you is the fact that in General Conference, every year, they remind you not to contact the General Authorities or church headquarters with your pity problems. I understand about not contacting GAs at home or in person, but every other institution in the world would have at least set up a PO box, email, or phone number where you could send questions, and they would try to answer a few of them, if for no other reason to keep their finger on the pulse of what was troubling the members.

If they didn't show they cared, you wouldn't pay tithing.

no, you always have to wonder about motives. i have never really felt included in the "group".

Nope....not one f***ing bit...

As a 20-year-old convert, I was invisible. Skipped over for sacrament, very few members actually talked to me unless it was to do something or benefitted them. We had a small little group of singles [misfits by the way the members treated us], including divorcees and older converts who got together for FHE and did fun things. I left 3 times in total when I moved to different apartments and then the money and free labor stopped and unannounced TBMs were knocking on my parent's door. It went on for several months. My parents were instructed to say, "She moved out of the area" with no forwarding info. :-D

Since I’ve stopped attending there has really been little to no contact. I feel like I was just another seat in a chair to them.

I was an interchangeable part. Oh, they liked me enough to pat my back when I did something the church needed. Other than that, I got the strong impression that being a good Mormon meant never troubling the church, never expecting attention like a whiney kid. Caring? That's what Heavenly "A Sparrow Falls" Father was for -- if I could ever be worthy enough for him to not hate me.

I had individuals -- peers -- that cared about me. But they would have done so without the church being involved in our lives.

I couldn't have said it better StrayMutt, that was exactly my impression as well.

I once told a bishop I was low maintenance and he responded with a smile quoting a GA 'we need members who are low maintenance and high yield'. He was and is a good man, we were both so brainwashed.

"low maintenance High yield" That would have been me.

That quote will stick in my head.

Nope, not as an adult and especially not here in Utah. As a youth, I felt the leaders cared but I think, now, that most of their concern was so that they could get me to go on a mission. Outside of Utah, the LDS church felt more like a family and I did feel like the people cared but not one bit since I moved back to Utah 10 years ago. None. Period.

I can't remember much the "church" done for us as a family. There was a group that we were friends with and worked our farms with that was our support group. If someone was sick or needed help,,we were there for each other. The "church" seemed to want or family to help fix equipment and weld for them. We did a lot to help and done our share. However as far as "care",,never felt it.

No. Neither the members nor the church. Never, ever,did.

Seriously, I'm not being bitter or flip.

The end.