Hi y'all, I'm fairly new here. After about 6 months of researching and not getting the answers the church wanted me to get, I took off my TBM glasses and did some REAL research. It was about a month ago that I discovered all the lies and that it's all one big sham. I've was furious for a while, then aggitated, and now mixed in with the anger and frustration, I just feel sad sometimes. When does it get better?

I haven't been to church for a long time, but the waves still get to me depending on the situation.

However, after time your anger/sadness/regret will cycle much faster.

Focus on the good. You are liberated now and there is a whole huge world to explore.

Welcome.

Great question. It's different for everyone. It gets better for me all of the time, but I still have the sad days. I do not like the fact that my decisions have caused others to suffer. In the end though, I feel that I am being true to myself and there has been a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders. Letting go is a process and it takes time. I have definitely spent some time in the bitter/angry stage so I know what it feels like. Those days will pass. Keep pushing forward my friend.

This is such a tangled web of lies...that it will take awhile to unweave all of the emotions. Like with all things in life, time does heal.

Hey welcome to the club. Most the time I get upset when my family is consumed by the all might church. It is what they talk about the most and it drives the hell out of me. I just left about 5 months ago and with time I think things get better. The only thing I wished is that I kept my non member friends from high school or it least tried to make more non member friends in university. But at that time I did not have time and plus I already had lots of mormon "friends".

I was one of the "lucky" ones--my life was pretty much falling apart at the time I went inactive. I still believed--I just didn't need the fallout of my family to happen in the public eye of all the mormons, so we went inactive. Then my life as a single mother was SO BUSY--I had no time to think. I always thought I'd go back and once in a while, I'd go sit in the foyer during sac. meeting and listen. After about 7 or 8 years, when the issue of my beliefs came up in different situations--it all just completely fell apart.

My feeling is to just not think about it. Easier said than done. BUT I've had to do that with many areas of my life over the years. When you take a vacation from thinking about it, its impact seems to die--at least it did for me.

I never went through a mourning period AT ALL. I mourned my marriage--but I have never once mourned my beliefs. I was SO RELIEVED, but I do credit that to the fact that I walked away for different reasons than nonbelief.

Just wondering. Have you come out to your TBM family yet and if so how did that go? Most Mormons lives are built around the church and so where you go from here is going to be very different than what you have been use to. Lots of changes in your life coming and especially if you make the decision to resign your membership and be open about your new beliefs with others in your life now.

Living your life as best you can without the guilt of never living up to the Mormon teachings is a good thing and you will feel much better about yourself as a result. It is nice to be able to come to a site like this to share and learn from others that are going through similar things as you are. Please keep posting and let us know how things progress.

Ha ha, no, I haven't come out yet to my tbm family. Perhaps that's one of the things that's causing me a bit of stress about this whole thing. My family is one of those perfect beacons of light in a very um-mormon world that all the other families in the ward look to for strength. For me to renounce the church would do my family a lot of harm. I live away from them all, so it's not difficult to hide my activity, but I'll have to wait and see how things unfold before I ever dropped that on them. I constantly get asked about when I'm going to get a calling and such, and my excuse is the same one I use to turn down each calling (I've had 2 extended just this month): my work schedule is too hectic to allow me to reliably attend church or hold callings. That, and I was actually very honest about the last calling I received: "I'm not going to do it because I value my time with my family too much. This calling, like all others, would take me away from my family, and I don't think the church wants to keep me from my family, do you?" Of course I know that that's exactly what they want, but this guy doesn't see that... When I'm not angry or sad about how I let them manipulate me for so long, it's very liberating to see the truth! I just have to figure out where that takes me now.

I'm out to my in-laws but not my parents because when I went to have the talk with them my grandmother almost died.

Wasn't the time to have "the talk."

But still, welcome. Diverse group that can help you through tough times.

http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/

Healing/recovering from Mo-ism is an 'organic' process that's unique to each individual (in its totality), but with common 'threads' that others have experienced. It's a function of how emotionally invested in Mormonism people were, how many years they participated in the LDS Church and their level of 'activity', and other factors.

I like the saying: We can't make flowers grow any faster by tugging on them (they grow at their own speed). This is true of the new, Ex-Mormon you that's emerging. You don't need to worry; you've been moving in the right direction. Keep going!

In terms of the emotions you've experienced, a psychologist would tell you that you've been working through a major loss (your loss of trust in the LDS Church, which systematically abused your trust and psyche/mind). Clearly, you're resilient. Happier days lie ahead for you!

I can promise you that none of the difficult emotions lasts forever. As you continue to psychologically liberate yourself from cultic Mormonism by doing things you enjoy, making new friends, developing values and a lifestyle that works for you, exploring new opportunities, thinking for yourself, etc., you'll find that the sadness diminishes to the point of not being a part of your inner 'world.'

Best wishes!

A lot depends on your individual circumstances, if you are a convert or BIC, whether you live around a lot of LDS folks or not.

It takes time to take your belief system apart and create your own new world view, also.

Be patient with yourself. You'll find yourself evolving and changing your mind about a lot of things.

Keep your self confidence and self respect cooking on HIGH!
Protect yourself.

It takes time to take your power back and get used to using it your own way.

Eventually, little by little, I found I was making peace with not only my life as a Mormon, as I was an adult convert, but my whole life after I changed my mind about what I wanted to believe in and use as a blueprint for my life.

The best medicine is laughter. Find the humor. Find something that tickles your funny bone. It makes life, especially huge changes, much more tolerable!

I loved it that you explained your turning down a "calling" was to have adequate time for your immediate family. BTW - how are THEY taking it? Extended family can cause you distant pain, but how are the people you live with holding up?

It will get better when you learn how to be your own person. It will not be easy and it will take time. But it will be worth the cost in the end. You have the best wishes and good thoughts of everyone here! Go for it!

Really?! Wrote:
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> Hi y'all, I'm fairly new here. After about 6
> months of researching and not getting the answers
> the church wanted me to get, I took off my TBM
> glasses and did some REAL research. It was about a
> month ago that I discovered all the lies and that
> it's all one big sham. I've was furious for a
> while, then aggitated, and now mixed in with the
> anger and frustration, I just feel sad sometimes.
> When does it get better?

Eventually. It gets better, eventually. Take your time. You'll get there! Oh. Welcome to RFM, mate! ;o))