So my husband and I were bored this weekend and based on a discussion with a friend about LDS swinging, we logged onto Craigslist to check out the "casual encouters" section. We were shocked by how many people--especially men-- identified themselves as LDS and looking for a male hookup behind their wives back. Curious to see if such ads were real, we snagged a photo of a random-looking LDS guy off Google, and sent it to a male poster from our city who said he way trying the ads out for the first time. Well, the photo that came back was of a guy (and hello, his wife) who were younger than us in high school--but we didn't know them. Using his e-mail and google (and an old mission website) it was easy to confirm that he had to have sent the response.

I wish we'd never contacted him, because now all I can think about is his wife. We don't know these people, but I'm sad that her husband is probably exposing her to disease with her knowing. It's not our place to out this guy, but I feel conflicted about it.

Dime a dozen honey dime a dozen

Yes.

But who listens to me! :-) Go ahead invade, intrude, cause trouble. It's not your life you're messing with.

I understand why you were motivated to make the contact in the first place. You were just checking out a rumor to see if there was any truth in it. People should double check things more. But in this case, you unthinkingly got in someone else's life without really weighing the consequences. Your basically good intentions turned on you.

However, I think that is as far as you should go with it. You probably already feel like you've gone too far and you are right that you'd have been better off if you hadn't gotten involved. Becoming more involved will just make things worse. I feel sorry for that woman too but if a little interference makes you feel bad - like you wished you could take it back - imagine how you'd feel interfering a LOT. I think you are going to have to let this one go.

CA girl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You were just checking out a rumor to see if
> there was any truth in it.[snip] But in this case,
> you unthinkingly got in someone else's life without
> really weighing the consequences.
[snip]
> good intentions

OH!!!! So *THAT's* where the thing about "road to hell is paved with good intentions" came from!

Only in this case, replace "good intentions" with "bored curiosity."

It is not your place to out him. The problem is that this is obviously a homosexual man who because of either shame or fear, has decided to use a relationship with this poor woman as a means of concealing his true self. It is shameful that he is using her, but it is also shameful that we live in a world were someone would feel forced into doing so.

Now let's say you do tell them. What if, because of her young age, she is not emotionally ready to handle the news, and kills herself? It has happened. How will you feel then?

I feel for the poor woman and the guy. This is what happens when the church essentially manufactures marriages and families she needs to be off a college and he needs to be at a gay bar and they should never even be married but what can be done when two people are busy taking pictures of the Egyptian countryside while floating down denial

New a Bishop (later SP) who met his wife at a church tied special facility that "treated" young boys and girls in Provo. Three out of four of their kids ended up being gay, so maybe in the end, if you don't like homosexuals, maybe you shouldn't be forcing them to breed.

Yes, there is strong evidence that there is a gay gene. A gay gene would mean it was hereditary. I know that as an ex-Mormon you might not have ever been trained to use logic, but that is kind of how it works.

BTW, my comments were met to be snarky. I am perfectly happy to live in a world full of so many wonderful people, gay or straight. I just think it ironic that the groups that hate gays the most, do the most to promote their growth.

I can tell you that there are many men in Utah that are married to women and play with the boys on the side.

I know of a few that even have their wives' permission.

Many are no longer having sex with their wives (no longer exposing the wife to anything)

I know of a lot more gay men that were married and were playing around with the boys before they got caught and divorced.

To everything above, I also know that the exact same thing happens with the guys playing with women on the side.

I also know that many of these women married the guys knowing they were gay and hoping to fix them.

So, the women sometimes give permission, that sometimes the wife is not getting exposed to anything, that many times the wife got into this hoping to change the person, which was a mistake on her part, and most of this happens with men playing with women on the side.

I know this because I am a gay man and I have met a lot of the gay men that go out and play on the side. I would not meet any women that have played on the side, but I am sure there are a few, though I would think they are less likely to use Craigslist.


Oh and most important, none of the above justifies you prying into their affairs.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/04/2012 01:37AM by MJ.

And yes, it would be wisest if your dropped your investigation. No good will come of pursuing it further.

What in the world were you doing sniffing around looking for trouble? This is the part of Craigslist that has the serial killers we've been reading about. You don't sell gold chains or try to meet a nice guy on Craigslist. Everyone knows this.

Perhaps now that you are released from callings and have time on weekends, you might volunteer at a non-profit that reads for the blind, teaches illiterate kids and adults to read, chats with old people/write their life story, visit shutins, shovel snow for the disabled.

Make the world a better place with your time. Spread some love.

Anagrammy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/04/2012 01:56AM by anagrammy.

I found out the tough way that my ex husband was seeing men. I did in fact contract a disease, fortunately easily cured. Now he is dating a woman I know. She did not believe me (he managed to spread enough rumors to ruin my credibility). I want those years back. His gf doesn't believe me, it is unlikely a wife will believe a stranger from the net.

Indeed.

Unfortunately, people often have to find out the truth the hard way.

Not necessarily. Ever hear of "safe sex"? Maybe all he does is mutual masturbation. You don't know. It's none of your business what people do behind closed doors as consenting adults. Just b/c the church thinks that way doesn't make it right.

NoseyinNorthUtah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So my husband and I were bored this weekend and
> based on a discussion with a friend about LDS
> swinging,

If they guy you found and his wife are swinging, his wife is with him. So it wouldn't be behind her back. If he is just having sex outside of marriage, I wouldn't call it swinging.


>we logged onto Craigslist

Well, you don't really have to "log in," you can just go to the site. Login's are for people who are posting. Were you posting? And if so, for what?

>to check out
> the "casual encouters" section. We were shocked
> by how many people--especially men-- identified
> themselves as LDS and looking for a male hookup
> behind their wives back.

I don't see any craigs list ads from northern Utah for "behind their wives' backs male hookups, LDS or otherwise from over the weekend. Maybe you're just easily shocked. But if you'd like to post a link . . .


> Curious to see if such
> ads were real, we snagged a photo of a
> random-looking LDS guy off Google, and sent it to
> a male poster from our city who said he way trying
> the ads out for the first time.

The casual encounters section is pretty broad, dinners, plays, sex, so what did he say he was looking for?

> Well, the photo
> that came back was of a guy (and hello, his wife)

So they were both swinging. Again, what makes you think he was doing this behind his wife's back. Did he say so?

>who were younger than us in high school--but we
> didn't know them. Using his e-mail and google
> (and an old mission website) it was easy to
> confirm that he had to have sent the response.

Not buying it.

> I wish we'd never contacted him, because now all I
> can think about is his wife. We don't know these
> people, but I'm sad that her husband is probably
> exposing her to disease


What was said in the ad or the return email which means she is being exposed to disease?

> with her knowing.

How do you know she doesn't know?

> It's
> not our place to out this guy, but I feel
> conflicted about it.

Why don't you out yourself first?

DISGUSTING!!

Too much drama ifin ya axe me.

Timothy

Sounds like you need to learn that difference. Any guy who goes behind his wife's back is not trustworthy. If he cheats on his wife, do you think he'll be honest with you about any disease he might be carrying?

You are a pot-stirrer. A troublemaker. A gossip. An identity thief.

Stop it. Step away from other peoples' business. Mind your own fucked-up business and see if you can go make some big positive changes in your own stupid boring life for once.

+1

The awesome thing about this post is you pretty much don't need to read anything but the subject line to answer "yes".

--for lulu asking about you didn't see anything about going behind the wife's back--they usually say, "Need to be discrete."

I gave my ex permission--once I knew he was cheating anyway. As I've told my kids--I would have stayed forever and let him have boyfriends and cheat because I knew the fallout wouldn't be pretty (I also know my ex well and knew he was better off with us--he has a hard time with emotional intimacy--and, sure enough, he has a hard time handling that I'm away from home most of the time now and not always there to be his best friend--and I have a boyfriend).

There are some people who if they had told me he was cheating (before I knew--don't think I didn't SUSPECT STRONGLY)--I would have believed, but not someone who wasn't really close to me. Even my sister, who suspected he was cheating very early on the marriage didn't tell me. And, no, as active sexually as my ex was and is--he has never caught a disease and neither did I.

This is just something you need to stay out of. The trauma is something I can't even begin to explain. Now I've dealt with it--I am so glad to be on the other side of the equation.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2012 06:14PM by cl2.