...I thought it wouldn't happen again. She promised.

No hitting or weapons this time, just restraining me and not letting me breathe. I was begging her to get off me and just leave, please leave. She called me worthless and a whore. She only got up when I bit her finger. Then she took my phone so I couldn't call the police, but I followed her down to the front desk at my apartment in front of the security guard so she had to give it back.

I really thought I had found something. I feel like I'll never find anybody who cares this deeply about me again, loves me unconditionally, would put up with every mood, every flaw, every little weirdness, think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I don't think I have a soulmate. I feel like whatever divine power is out there has forgotten about me. And it's not like I can turn to my Mormon ex-friends to help. I couldn't tell them it was *gasp* a LESBIAN relationship.

I just wish that the one person who seemed to accept me for who I am deep inside didn't do this to me.

You did the right thing and will be stronger for it. Good for you for knowing you deserve better. I know it sucks. Hugs.

You've come to the right place for help.

Now; if you were a guy, we'd hook you up to electrodes for 'therapy' at our semi-secret YBU location...

Sorry; this shouldn't happen to You or Anyone.

Good Thing most police take DV SERIOUS

Guy, they hooked up women to the electrodes also. SLCabbie has posted on here about a fare he had two or three ago. She said that they put the electrodes on her privates and shocked her. This was in the early '90s.

Damn cult.

TG

Sounds like it was the only thing you could do.

Wow - just wow - omfg

anonymousgirl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I feel like I'll never find anybody who cares this deeply about me again

People who love you don't restrict your breathing. They don't hit you, they don't threaten you with weapons, and they don't take away your cell phone so that you can't get help.

You did the right thing by turning her in to the police. But you need to understand that you can't help her. You can't fix what is wrong. Only a qualified mental health expert can help her.

I am very concerned that you are still putting yourself in this situation. I'm going to be very blunt when I say that people who love themselves (meaning they have a healthy self-esteem,) don't allow themselves to be physically abused. Until you learn to value yourself, you are not going to attract an emotionally healthy and loving partner into your life. I hope that you will seek out and use the services and counseling that are available for battered women.

Sometimes the best way through is around. I want you to consider that there are alternate paths and alternate ways of looking at things that would result in a happy outcome for you.

Excellent advice.

Oh what your GF did is just horrible, anonymousgirl! You did the right thing. Abusers always promise they won't abuse again, and then they do. Then they're sorry--again--and we take them back and they do it again. Unless your GF gets help, chances are she'll keep abusing. You were very strong to report her to the police while your heart was breaking. ((hugs))

God, I know this feeling all too well. It gets better. It takes time, but it does get better.

How do you find that light at the end of the tunnel?

Yeah...and what's really messed up is, I can be a handful and really frustrating. But she never gets truly mad at THOSE times. It's always something totally uneventful, like I said flippantly, "Ugh, you went to the bar again?" or she thought I was "looking" at some guys or girls at the party/restaurant/bar/coffee shop/whatever. Normal, stupid girlfriend stuff.

And it's so rare that the times in between seem so perfect and so beautiful.

Not to mention her constant claims that "no one will ever love you like I do."

To which I am beginning to think, "God, I hope not."

It's a struggle though. I hate that she's in there. But maybe it will teach her a leson. I don't want her to do this to anybody else.

"No one will ever love you like I do" is not a compliment, it is an insult and a threat. She is telling you that the rest of the world finds you unlovable, and that you should be grateful that she even puts up with you, let alone "loves" you. This is classic abusive language meant to keep you down so that you won't realize you can do better; and you can do better. No one deserved that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2012 03:57AM by Pista.

My abusive ex husband said that exact same thing to me. And I got to that "I hope not!" place too as that is simply not love. It's cruel, not to mention unoriginal.

Good for you!

It's easy to stand on the outside looking in and say "If my SO did XXXXX I would kick them to the curb and walk away." But I know from experience that when it's a living, breathing person that you love doing those things it can feel like the hardest thing in the world just to walk away and move on. That takes a level of character and strength that you should be proud of.

My hope is that you'll heal from this, it can be done.

My only advice, is to take the time you need before trying to start another releationship.

Yeah, there's always this feeling that "oh but MY girlfriend isn't really abusive...she made me pancakes yesterday, and bought me a necklace last week, and we made love this morning. There was that night 2 months ago where she pulled a knife on me....but did that even happen? Was that even real? She's not like that, she loves me! She's better! She won't do that again!"

I also told her NEVER EVER to call me a whore again. I've barely had any sexual partners to begin with; I was always very careful and very picky, so it doesn't even make any sense (not that I condone using that term for anyone). She promised and swore up and down and all around that it would NEVER happen. Well, another broken promise. Just shows how stupid I am to believe her, I guess.

Change playgrounds, apartments, anything... And don't be sending "feelers" back her way...

Heterosexuals have no monopoly on domestic violence...

Maybe this will get her to seel help. If she is threatening you with weapons, she needs help.

Yes, about a month and a half ago she pulled a knife on me and threatened to kill me. I tried to run away from her and she chased me, then threw down the knife and started sobbing. I actually FELT BAD for the girl. I actually held her and comforted her while she told me how much she "loved" me! I feel like such an idiot! Some people can really work you over!!!

Tonight she came over to cuddle. Didn't happen, obviously. SHe walked in the door a little slurry and I knew it was trouble.

I just feel so pathetic. She kept screaming that at me, that I was a pathetic loser, a failure, that no one could ever love me, that I was tarnished, worthless, a whore. Then 20 minutes later she was crying, begging me to love her and claiming that "she didn't know why she said those things," "she didn't mean them" and "she had a mental problem." Thank God I'd already caled the police or I'd have fallen for that again, probably.

Does this mean alcohol was involved?

Alcohol and emotional problems are a recipe for aggressive behaviour, often ending in physical violence.

You did the right thing.

Wishing you strength to ride out the next few weeks.

Tom

There is someoeone else out there for you who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Don't settle for less.

You deserve and will find someone who will love you and treat you like the good and beautiful person you are. It's hard to know that now but it's true. No one needs to live with what you've suffered. I'm sorry but it would not have changed. I'm so glad you're safe now and can have time to heal.

anonymousgirl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> She
> called me worthless and a whore.
> I feel
> like I'll never find anybody who cares this deeply
> about me again

I'm not sure this type of caring person is the type you should be looking for...

where the victim becomes dependent on and identifies the abuser as her or his caretaker. Occurrences have happened more in females than in males, due to societies ideal that men or the more dominant of the two, are supposed to be the care takers and providers. It can be overcome with a lot of personal nurturing, time, love and care of ones self in order to start building confidence that she or he can make it on their own and feel good about themselves. It takes some time though. Sorry this has happened to you.

Your "girlfriend" might also want to have herself checked out to see if she may have any signs of bipolar disorder. After hearing just how she can be a Jeckel and Hyde toward you and who else she may run across, there's always that chance she could.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2012 07:11AM by freshperspective.

PLEASE call a hotline & get referrals for a support group. You need to be with other women who have been hurt, threatened, terrorized by their domestic partner. This abuse WILL accelerate, because your girlfriend is following the classic abuser patttern.
(If ALL an abusive spouse or gf/bf did was insult, harm, or scare, the relationships would never get off the ground. But it's the "honeymoon period" of lavish attention & sweetness along with the psychological measures that keep intelligent, aware people caught in this hell).
Love is not supposed to hurt. We are not supposed to have to walk on eggshells around our partners because they might morph or blow up. If you let others guide you & strengthen you in a support group you'll be ready to fall in love again and when you find true love you'll look back and ask,"I was going to settle for that?"
Don't become a statistic. Run to safety. Run to a real life.

We should hook her up with my TBM ex-wife. I almost called 911 on the crazy lady a couple of times. She would become enraged on a whim and start throwing punches.

Incidently, my ex-wife is a temple recommend holding, primary teacher. So much for the power of discernment. She does pay tithing though so that makes her abuse acceptable.

"she had a mental problem'
SHE DOES! and alcohol plays a part...this person is setting you up for a liftime of abuse! it seems from what little you said...she likes her drink...if you arent on the same page as a pontential partner as far as drinking goes...you may have the same type of problem in the future...but hey...she loves you right? cause she didnt kill you when she had the chance!! OY VAY!!
you seem to have a great head on your shoulders though...maybe a restraining order is in...well...order! sorry but life does suck sometimes! but they do get better!!
just sayin!

I'm so sorry about what happened to you. Nobody should ever have to go through a situation like that. Right now you sound conflicted - sorrow and worry along with anger. Hang on to the anger. Abusers are very skilled at manipulating their partners emotionally and turning the situation back to their favour. Don't let this happen to you.

My daughter was in an abusive relationship a few years ago, very similar situation - fighting, lots of verbal abuse, becoming more physical as time went on. She left him once after an encounter that involved the police, but returned to him a few weeks later after he promised to seek mental health help. Within a few months, everything fell apart again, police involved again etc. She left him for good that time. But it was a long, long climb back for her. Her sense of self worth was shattered and she carried a lot of unwarrented guilt over the end of the relationship. I could only tell her that it would get better and to keep putting one foot in front of the other. She eventually found her way back and is in a relationship with a really nice young man who treats her like gold.

Hang in there, you will survive this blow.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2012 10:11AM by looking in.

Do not go back to her. No matter how much she tells you she will do better, or that it will never happen again, or that she still loves you, do not go back.

I am hoping you are smart enough not to, but statistically, we know most abuse victims return to their abusers. Don't do it. You will find someone else. You deserve better.

BTW, most murder victims are killed by their long time abusive partners. Just keep that in mind.

So sorry this happened. Time to get out of this relationship. Seek profesional help and distance yourself from her. No one or no relationship is worth that. Think about a restraining order. Be sure to report and document these things. Life is to short and valuable to go through this.

She doesn't sound attractive. She sounds controlling, troubled, desperate and psychotic. Love yourself. Whether someone else loves you or not, love and respect yourself. A knife? Okay ... That means she should no longer be allowed to have anything to do with you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/06/2012 12:12PM by suckafoo.

This will be difficult for you to accept.

Your GF never loved you. She only loved the power she had over you. Abusers feed on that power. They are only looking to get their power fix. The seek out vulnerable people with insecurities, because those people can easily feed them the power they crave.

The affection, the concern, the nice words, the sex...those are tools the abuser employs to set you up for the next power feeding.

Get some help so you can recognize the signs. YOU are not flawed, worthless, or damaged. You just managed to be targeted by an abuser.


~VOW