Growing up I always viewed my dad as a pretty solid mormon. He was always in the bishopric or young mens presidency. I wasn't surprized when he was called as bishop when I was a teenager. As I grew in my own doubts with Mormonism I wondered how it could be that my highly intellgent, skeptical, lawyer father hadn't caught on years before my own suspicions. He is after all twice as old as I and one of the smartest people I know. Recently I have really started examining possible red flags and there are most certainly several. First off I rarely see my dad bare his testimony. He on occasion to his own kids but rarely in public. He isn't really an emotional sort of person though. He also doesn't read the Book Of Mormon very often and this of course really ticks off my hardcore TBM mother who reads it every morning and night. He also doesn't enjoy the temple. My mom practically has to force him to go with her. This last Thanksgiving something really bizarre happened. It was just the two of us out for frozen yogurt. For those of you who might not be aware, Mormons are sort of anti-evolution. Especially in regards to human evolution from ape to man. I brought up my belief in Human evolution and my great interest in our primitive ancestors thinking that it would really freak him out. He actually agreed and said that there was little dispute that we evolved from apes. I was in shock but pretended like it wasn't a big deal because I could tell that he was hesitant in telling me this. Is this not completely contrary to all of the churches teachings? How can a person believe that we evolved from an inferior species and still believe in the church or in Christianity for that matter? Since having this conversation I have started considering that my father could be an "in the closet doubter." Or is it possible that he has just had to compartmentalized his belief system to match the churches. Could it also be a form of denial? I think that many people find themselves in a trap. They get married young and naive in the temple to a TBM spouse and have TBM kids and only begin to start doubting after they are established in mormonism. Once they realize that it is really all BS it is almost too late to turn around. They risk losing their marriage, children and grandchildren. They may feel that they are in too deep and there is no going back. My dad is 60. I wonder if he falls into this category. Maybe he realized it wasn't true long ago but knew the consequences of leaving would be too great so he kept the facade going. I feel like he may have rationalized by thinking that it was still a good organization with good morals and people etc.... My dad is a big time people pleaser and he hates to "rock the boat." He also loves the feeling of being involved in a social click. My mom would most certainly leave him if he ever questioned. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 01/14/2012 05:08AM by Regan.

If your father has decided to go along so as to keep his wife and family together that is his choice and I would not confront him or try to make him admit something.

What I'd do is just talk to him about subjects that interest you that are "mormon off-limits" such as evolution, etc. He's probably starving for open, honest discussion. Especially if he is intelligent and thoughtful.

If it comes up in conversation in a natural way, you could tell him you don't believe it, but again I wouldn't do it in a confrontational way. I'd work on building a relationship that was based on what you think about certain things and having an open exchange of viewpoints vs. what you're doing in church this week. It sounds like to me that he'll wait for you to lead the conversation so that he's not risking your disapproval.

It's his life, it's about him, if it's true, and is none of your concern.
NOTE: one of the most important things we can learn in this life is what is about us and what is about someone else and not get those confused!

If you want him to know your position, tell him. Otherwise, it's often a relationship breaker to bother people about their religious views. Leave their RIGHTS alone.
I'm passionate about respecting and honoring other people's RIGHTS to their religious beliefs.
It falls in: mind your own business in my book!

Yes it is my concern. I have a right to wonder if my dad believes in the church or not. Wondering is much different than asking. I would never push my views on my father. I haven't even told him I don't believe in the church. Bringing up the fact that I believe in evolution is not pushing my viewpoint on him. Did my post suggest otherwise? My question was not advise on how to confront my father or force him to admit he is "in the closet." I was simply asking if my inkling could be true.

is critical to knowing who we are.

As for evolution, I know a lot of TBMs who agree with it and justify it in various ways - or just decide 'it isn't necessary for salvation' to understand. It was much more common 20-30 years ago to assume evolution could be fit in some how.

I think you'll just have to keep asking questions. Where does he stand on gay rights? DNA?

I grew up with grandparents who forbidden from telling us of their disbelief or else they'd not be allowed to see us. It could be he has made a deal with your mother to keep the peace.

I need to have real relationships with people. So my Mormon family has known for years that I don't believe.

And if they respect my boundries it works.
It's when they talk as if its real and true. I always remind them it is to them but not everyone.
We can have great conversations about science, history, etc.
And because I have been honest about my beliefs from way back, we don't have to tiptoe around that issue.

I find that alot of Mormons can't think or talk about anything else and expect those around them to allow them this.

So in my opinion you should talk to your father about science history or anything else that you both find interesting. And you can always agree to disagree.

It's always a hope for them we will return, and for us a hope they will leave.

He does believe in some gay rights. He thinks that being gay is not a choice people can't help it. My mother thinks gay people are perverts. I think he believed in marriage equality up until the church publicly disagreed. He is a very rational person who prefers to think logically about things. He has been polarized by my opinionated; irrational; emotional; insanely tbm mother. Even if god himself came and told her the church wasn't true she would still hold tight.