i am confused about how i feel i dont believe any of there teachings any more ,yet i feel quite upset inside and some what paniky i have been a member for 40 years and i have only started to dig deeper into lds teachings recently due manily to the fact that my children were treated very badley over normal human feelings and for the first time in my life i gave a bishop a piece of my mind and walked out i have since learned so many things that prove the book of mormon to be a load of lies and js to be a liar and a charliton well a scum bag realy im annoyed at my self for following so blindly and for installing these things in my childrens heads [my children have left lds and refuse to have any thing to do with them } yet im scared i dont know why or of what oh dont worry i still want my name removed but can any one help me to understand why i feel this way

I have always reacted to making major decisions by having an anxiety attack afterwards. It always passes, and it seems to have nothing whatsoever to do with the decision or how good or bad it was.

They brought us up to be little girls who deferred to men in life. We aren't supposed to take charge and design our own future.

You are doing great. I don't think anyone here regrets their decision to leave. After you start to see the truth, you don't really have the choice to stay in that morass anyway.

Congratulations. There's a great unknown in front of you, but you'll handle it.

" i have just sent my letter to be removed from the churc records"

Yeah Baby, Yeah!

It was forty years for me also. The fear will go away just give it time. You need time to let it all sink in. You are in charge now. Enjoy your kids and non-mos now that the "judgemental" thinking is gone about all that. The world is not as scary as you were told. They are impotent pretenders and most don't know they are pretending.

I left last month. I was bic. I'm now 58.

My kids and hubby left the same time I did.
It can feel scary at times. The church has had a long time to control and manipulate our thoughts and beliefs.
The older you are the more difficult it is to take such a big step.
A paradigm change is not easy for anyone.
Now you have the freedom to explore and decide for yourself what you do or don't believe. This can lead to some great conversations with your kids. Mine have opened up to me in ways they never would have if I were still in the church. It has given us one more thing to bond over.
Give yourself some time. It will be ok sooner than you think. Keep coming here for support.

You are making a major life change and it's wonderful... but it's also scary, right?

It's been ingrained in you all those years that you need the ALMIGHTY CHURCH to control your life and and keep you safe and moral and all that. That is a load of poot, and your logical mind knows it, but there is still that little "what if" thing going on.

I'm here to tell you that you are not alone, there are the best peoples right here to listen and help. They all been there!

So come on in, stay awhile, and relax. You WILL be glad ya did!

Yer Pal,
Reggie
The StalkerDog™

I often discuss with patients their anxiety/depression/stress related to major life changes, whether it be physical, emotional, philosophical, and/or spiritual dimensions of their life. Major change is stressful even if it improves your life. I am awestruck by all those above who after many years living the all encompassing life of Mormonism have broken or are in the process of breaking it's chains. Kudos to all of you!!

Nevermodoc

no i was born and bred in england

Doris, are you my sister? I live in Indiana and grew up in Colorado.

Been there, felt the panic, lived the terror.

Untangling the tentacles of cult-think takes time.

Also left along with family after many, many years. The combined anxiety over the emptiness, the potential social and relationship fallout, the consequences for kids, all took many months to ease.

But I will tell you that once it did, and we had time to get distance from and altitude over mormonism, we found that all our fears were as false as mormon doctrine.

I would suggest that you seek support from exmormon friends or non-mormon friends. Also it is helpful to spend some time reading exit stories. It really does get better than you can imagine.

You are so courageous to take this step!

thank you it realy is hard for me as one of my sisters is a devout mormon she lives eats and breaths it and im realy worried about her finding out she does not live with me but will be visiting soon and i know she will do all she can to convince me to go back yet i know ihave come to far for that

You're opening the door to a brand new world. That is a frightening thing.


You don't know what's behind it. (It's a better life.)

Perhaps you stand on your newly found common ground with your children and you can all forge stronger ties now that you are out. And be thankful that you are not all at odds with one another as you make a life-giving transition.

I wrote my exit letter almost exactly five years ago, and I can tell you from this place that living with reason and integrity are nourishing to the whole person in ways that living in a bubble of cognitive dissonance never was. I don't struggle to "make things fit" into tight paradigms anymore. I can let things be as they are and accept them. No more feeling as if I possess an exclusive truth; everyone is on the same footing.

It hurts right now, but you will grow accustomed to living a more authentic life with yourself in charge.

The world beckons. Live in it on your terms.

Ishmael Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> The world beckons. Live in it on your terms.

+1000.

As a very recent ex-mo, I want to say thanks for that inspiration.

The only ritual I had after leaving was to come to the board and read. The males imy family stayed in church and one even assured me if I died in my condition I would. .....he didnt finish his sentence. I thought the bean sald was a fitting tribute to his big head. Congratulations on your bravery.

Like!

You are a normal human being making some major changes in your life. This is something very new.

Of course, you will experience a variety of emotions. That is what us humans do! :-) It's OK. You're OK. Feel the emotions then let them go. It's just the normal course of things.

It takes time to recreate a whole new world view and change those old automatic thinking scripts.

Pat yourself on the back until you fall over for being courageous, and taking your power back and owning it and taking charge of your life and living it the way you want!

You go girl! :-)

We were trained to be loyal to church leaders and to uphold the mormon church and were told bad things would happen if we left. Maybe you're feeling like the other shoe will drop and hit you in the head?

It isn't easy to leave the mormon church and I've heard from many exmos who felt just like you do when they sent in their resignation.

Take a breath and try to relax and let time heal you. You were smart to leave and justified in talking to the bishop the way you did. You've taken some very courageous steps and are to be commended. Congratulations!

I hope you feel better soon and will continue to post. I'd love to know how long it takes to shake this.

your right we were taught that bad things would happen and i guess thats where i am at the moment

so I had to carefully pick who I would resign under. I had been inactive for a LONG time before I resigned by e-mail last January and I knew the bishop would handle it well, which he did. The bishop prior to him was preaching to me by e-mail (as my daughter went back when he was bishop) and I had suicidal feelings. My exmo therapist felt it was PTSD from my dealings with mormon leaders.

Perfectly normal feelings. Read about recovery from cults. You aren't alone and what you feel right now is a normal part of the recovery from any controlling cult.

I just submitted my letter to have my name removed in the last couple of weeks and have experienced some of the same feelings as you.

In my case I have had a lot of doubts for many years and have been sure I haven't believed for more than 3 years. I didn't tell my wife until this summer. Since this summer I have wanted to resign but have been waiting for my wife to be ready for me to do so.

So in my case it wasn't sudden, and I made the decision quite a while ago.

I was happy to send the letter in and was surprised how mixed the feelings were.

I was surprised to feel a significant sense of loss and sadness. For something I have not believed in for so long and have been waiting to get out of I was surprised to feel this sense of loss. In retrospect it doesn't surprise me, because I am officially ending a major part of what my identity has been for the last nearly 40 years.

I have also felt some anticipation, but perhaps not as strongly as yours. Some of this anticipation is worrying about having to deal with the bishop, etc. in the exit process. Some of it is worrying about dealing with family, friends etc. as they become aware of my leaving. Some if it is just that change always creates anxiety and this is a fairly big change.

So where I've been on my way out for years and have a lot of the same feelings you are having where you went out fairly abruptly I don't think it strange at all that you would be having fairly intense feelings.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2012 01:02PM by ronas.

A long term Mormon's entire identity and sense of self is based on their relationship with the CoJCoLDS. Thus the decision to leave the Church is a very major step. It often leads to an identity crisis. That doesn't mean that it was wrong to leave the Church. It means that you have to take positive steps to move on with your life. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. That is really good news.

A person in your current situation should think in terms of re-configuring your identity and your life. I suggest that you try to live in the present moment. If you haven't already done this, then take a little time to purge your house of anything and everything that could remind you of Mormonism. If you have active Mormon relatives/friends then take a time-out from those people -- that means no contact.

See if you can find some interesting books to read, books that have nothing to do with religion. Just work on getting your get head to a place where you are thinking and functioning like a nevermo -- someone who doesn't even know that the Church exists. If you put some conscious effort into this project then I think you will see the benefits very quickly.

thank you for all the the things you said i have tried to rid my home of all the things relating to lds i even much to my embaressment ripped my book of mormon to shreds i felt a lot of anger and sort of took it out on the book

It is like standing on the high diving board, maybe even the cliffs of Acapulco, and you know that feeling that would be in the pit of your stomach then. But once you get the courage to jump, the resurfacing is like nothing you've ever felt before.

It is a monumental moment in your life. It would be odd if you did not feel something on a deep level, but it may be a more complex concoction of emotions than just fear. Your inner self is sorting out and re-wiring itself as others here have indicated.

In addition, any rational person will question all their decisions no matter how solidly they are made.

Truth often makes things harder than easier. You are very brave.

I hid from the little boy and dad that came to my door weekend before last to collect tithe offerings (husband still a member) and felt guilty and like a bad person. And this after I resigned a whole year ago and know its false. So why? I don't know. Conditioning.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2012 02:43PM by suckafoo.

Of course you're scared! You've just made a huge change in your life. Forty years you've followed this path, and now??? I suspect its hard to even really imagine what comes next. You don't know what will happen. So take a deep breath. Remind yourself why you've taken such a big step. Get yourself so allies like your kids and here who will continue to be there for you. Don't expect too much of yourself; you've made a huge change in your life. Its going to take awhile for you to find your balance. Find new things to celebrate; try some new activities you've always secretly want to try. You'll be fine. A lot of people are pulling for you.