I did, when I was younger, and living at my parents home, back in the '70's. I was recently divorced w/a young son (a toddler) and lived at their home temporarilly. I had a dinner "date" w/a girlfriend of mine---and my folks asked me to cancel it, bec. they had a very "special" Family Home Eve. planned for me. Well, I did as they asked.
At the time, my two youngest sibblings were still living at home w/them (still teen-agers). What took place next was nothing short of pure-dee Evil. They took turns (we were all sitting in a circle, in the livingroom)---- each of them, one at a time, and verbalized to me all of the negative things they could think of about me. Nothing positive or good was ever said about me. I know I'm not perfect (as is true of all of us humans), and I'm sure I made some wrong choices in life, but I'm (and was then) an overall good/law-abiding, kind-hearted, caring person.
My younger bro. and sis. were forced to do this, bec. they have always been very loving/caring towards me. But, what they did was just UNcouth, and UNbelievable, to me. They were very active in their Ward, and admired by most people. If the other ward members ever knew about this, it would have shocked and troubled them, hands down. I never told my Bishop about this, nor any other ward member-----only my best freinds (who were also LDS). They could not even believe it.
But, anyway, has anything like this ever happened to any of you, and if so, how did you handle it ?? This, along w/many yrs. of emotional/psychological abuse at their hands ("hearts", really) is a big reason I'm no longer a member of the church. THere's much more to this story, but, to me, the main reason they did this is bec. they felt they were "superior" to me/"better than me" type-thing----------Holier Than Thou------so very typical of many TBM's, sad to say "-

One thing about growing up mo. Hardly anyone believes your stories because they are so incredibly nuts! My parents would have done this if they would have thought of it. It's enough to make your head spin! Then you go to church and everyone tell you how wonderful your parents are. It takes your mind out and plays with it.
Can you imagine turning the tables and having this same FHE with them as the victims?

I hear you. The strangest thing too is that my dad held a high positon in the Ward, and my bros. later became Bishops/Stk. Presidents. How's them Apples ???!!!!

One of the saddest things about this, other than hurting their own daughter deeply---------is the "lessons" they were teaching my younger sibblings. I was so hurt (and very shy/unassuming at that time in my life) ------that I said nothing back to them. Only sat there and cried my eyes out. Not one of them has ever apologized to me for this, but one of my sisters (another sis. closer to my age) came to be my "Crusader" bec. of all the abuse she wittnessed being done by them, to me. Bless her dearest heart for this : )

Because you needed some help at the time, they used their position of power over you to make you miserable.

They'd better pray that they don't need your help in their old age. Because by then the tables could easily be turned.

I understand being tongue-tied in such a situation. I probably would have reacted in much the same way years ago. Now I speak up. I feel that my POV is as meaningful as anyone else's.

Well. . . sadly, they've both passed away. But, neither of them ever apologized to me for this-----or many other things that took place for over 20 yrs. One thing I just can't relate to. How can Mormons say/think/actually believe that they belong to "The Only True Church Upon the face of the Earth" and yet treat their own flesh and blood so cruelly? Hmmmm. . . what's wrong w/this "Picture" ?? Anyway, I'm MUCH more outgoing/outspoken now ----------and feel "stupid" that I just sat there and took it. I know that's why they kept saying more and more mean things, and that not one good thing was ever said about me in that "Family Home Eve." Some "spritual happening", eh? NOT.

I've come to the conclusion over the years that being mean/offensive/cruel, etc. is its own punishment. How awful would it be to wake up everyday with such a twisted view of the world? ...where everyone is lesser than you, or is more wicked than you, or is your potential victim or mark?

It's such a negative way to live a life. I'm sorry that you had to endure so much negativity from your parents.

You are SO right on about this. I still can't/don't understand how they could have done this to me--------ever. Then to go on w/similar behaviors/attitudes for the next sev. yrs. to follow. And, it was during a time that I was raising 4 children alone/by myself. A time when I needed their love and support (and I'm not talking monetary help here) the very most. The strangest thing is that it was never apologized for. I do have to say that my Dad, at least, did make an attempt to do so (apologize) after sev. yrs. But, then even he continued w/the neg. bahaviors/attitudes, sadly. I think he did so just to "appease" my Mom-----------tho' in the Mormon religion, the husband is supposed to be the "spiritual Head of the Household" bec. of his Priesthood. Hmmmmmm. . . .

Shrek's Sister Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> One of the saddest things about this, other than
> hurting their own daughter deeply---------is the
> "lessons" they were teaching my younger sibblings.
> I was so hurt (and very shy/unassuming at that
> time in my life) ------that I said nothing back to
> them. Only sat there and cried my eyes out.

Let me guess...your crying was seen by them as admission of "guilt" on your part and made them feel justified in condinuing the attacks on you. Right?

Wow that's awful.

Were they trying to do some kind of "intervention" and too incompetent to do it right?

but this is only a small part of a much larger picture. Many of my LDS friends have encouraged me to write a book about my experiences---------and it would be a Big Time expose' on Mainstream Mormonism. . .

so glad you were not the "human dart board" at that one : )

sometimes these re's get put in the wrong place. . .

Hey, writing it all out might be very therapeutic for you!

And you could promote yer book right here! I'd sure read it... or have my mom read it to me.

and I'm sure it does to help (to vent). Muchly appreciate you saying you'd read my book : ) You would not even believe what all went down w/them over the next 20 yrs. . . all the while they "maintained" their "members in good standing" w/that Cult. Crazy. I have four other sibblings who all "did the right thing" by LDS standareds/doctrines----------so, compared to them, I was the Big Time Blacksheep --------I think was part of the problem, but still. . . no excuses for not loving/respecting ALL of your children, no matter what. Even Christians believe in this principle. Mormons think they are "better" than "mere" Christians, so what's their rationale on this one, I've always wondered. . .

I would read your story too! :)

I hope someday many former mormon stories are available for people to read. I'll try to write mine someday, but it is hard to pull it all together when I don't want to think about much of it.

I have seriously thought abt. writing a book abt. all of this, but the main reason I've not is bec. I don't want to hurt my dear brothers and sisters, who----for the mostpart, were always caring/loving/supportive of me and my children over these years. I could do it annonymously, I suppose . . . we'll see. Change the names to protect the GUILTY in this case. . .

By all means write it-- all you have to do is write it as "based" on real life events and change the names of those you wish to protect. As you probably know, almost all novels incorporate real events and fictionalizations typically come with disclaimers that are encouraging to read for the beginner. Certain characters were combined, locations were changed, names changed, even events altered to provide anonymity. So if you life in Arizona, set the events in Seattle and give your family three siblings instead of six, have the trainwreck be a shipwreck and you are off and running.

The main thing is to get your story out--what it did to you and how it changed normally loving parents into monsters, in the name of Jesus Christ.

If you need an editor, I am available and others here also are writers/illustrators and can lend a hand and support your efforts. We are all here to get this information out so light can shine into a dark cave where children are living under cult abuse.

Your story can wake their parents up and save them.


anagrammy@gmail.com

OK.

There was the one where the subject of FHE was…


... wait for it…


SEX ED!!!!

13 year-old Ziller was horrified.

But, luckily, his 10 year-old brother was so absolutely thrilled and was laughing so hard that the parental units were forced to call an end to “the lesson”.

ziller

Having actually been in the hotseat of an 'intervention' I can certainly state it is one of the most harmful bad ideas anyone has ever come up with.

Years later, every person involved (except the paid interventionist) personally apologized to me, agreeing it was a horrible idea.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/24/2012 02:43PM by deco.

No it was about drinking too much.

I'm so glad they realized what a bad idea it was (your intervention) and apologized to you. That, at least, serves to be at least somewhat of a "closer" for you. I never got that-----------tho' my fam. was always considered to be "Members in good standing" in that church. Uh Huh. . .

My parents were ashamed of me for some reason and often ranted and insulted me and let my older siblings to the same. But at least the character assacinations weren't the agenda for official FHEs. Although many of those events did end in screaming and sobbing, it was never planned to happen, just a natural outgrowth of the family dynamic.

I'm sorry they were so cruel to you. You're brave to share.

I appreciate the kinds words. And no, it didn't accomplish the "end goal" that they evidently felt it would. Only served to distance me futher away from the LDS church---------and them--------tho' I remained always respectful to them and of them, for all the "good" it did "-
But, even tho' I've done alot of studying/reasearch abt. the church and know it can't be "True", it's the personal mean/cruel/UNloving/DISrespectful treatment by my own parents that caused me to leave and not wish to come back "into the fold". No thanks . . .

To me, if a religious leader can't consistently model the qualities of being peaceful, conciliatory, kind, understanding, loving, and forgiving, then that leader has nothing of a spiritual nature to teach me.

And if said leader can't model and communicate the worth of those qualities to his or her flock, then what is the point of relgion? What is the saying, you shall know them by their fruits?

SOOOOOOOOO true, hands down. A Stake Pres. even got involved at the time, and it didn't even help, sadly. But my two bros. ended up being Bishops and Stk. Pres. themselves. They are truly wonderful people, by the way (my bros.) I mostly have the "beef" w/my folks. . . .

FHE is one of the worst ideas the church came up with. I referred to it as family home hell. The weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth that went on was crazy. My mother would sit on the piano bench with her jaw clenched and spit out every word in that lesson. When the closing prayer ended, the stampede out of the room was a sight to behold. Funny, I don't ever recall my father being there.

I always thought it was hilarious when the closing song was love at home.

but your re cracked me up, bec. it's SOOOOOO True. What a Crock of Shit. Funny as Hell, but it's really very very sad. . . and I feel badly for those who stomp on someone who's already down on the ground--------instead of picking them up and loving them. Esp. if it's family, for Heaven's sake !!

What sickness.

but how on God's Green Earth they didn't/couldn't SEE this at the time is . . . . Beyond me ----------- It was/is the EPITOME of Hypocricy.

I want to be a member of THAT Club. NOT . . . . .

Nevermo here but I remember being invited, or maybe I was being babysat, by my best friend's family for one when I was about six or seven, and even then found it really weird compared to the staid Anglican Church we attended. Creeped me out in fact. BTW the W's were really nice people, but sure were down on their luck, perhaps not holy enough..first two kids were born horribly mentally retarded, my friend D fell down the stairs at a hockey game as an adult and became wheelchair bound, and his Mum J(who was a convert) died way early from cancer. Still remember his Dad picking us up from school on those really cold prairie days in a 58 Pontiac.

I think... most of the Bullying that *any* Morgbot has received has been from another Morgbot; prolly someone 'close' like family, etc.


Nothing like the guilt/shame train to take a trip on, even if the ride's bumpy, stops at Every puddle Station even if no one gets On or Off.

then, when the train Derails, everyone looks around at others & says: Who did this?

Best analogy? (LDS) heteros blame SSM for the decline of their marriages...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/24/2012 04:03PM by guynoirprivateeye.

treat their daughter. . . But, could never figure how they could go to church every Sunday (and all of those endless other meetings. . .Zzzzzzzzzzz. . .) and bear testimonies, etc. ---------knowing full well how much they did NOT love/respect their own flesh and blood offspring. . . .

It's not related to TSCC or family, but yes, I have been through something similar. To this day, I'm not sure why the people who did it, but it took me YEARS to get over the paranoia (I'm still not over it completely and get triggers from it from the smallest things) and the pain of feeling like nothing I ever do is right or good enough. It's a terrible and cruel form of psychological and emotional abuse.
I'm very sorry that happened to you and I hope you've found some healing from it.

What if anything was supposed to happen after tearing you down like that? That is horrible!

But nothing as strange as that.