On a closed thread, you wrote: "There's not really much I can do."

I'm not trying to put words into your mouth, so please let me know if I've got this wrong, but it sounds like you're blaming yourself for something that is not your fault.

Not only is it not your fault, but I'm pretty sure that you're not the only person who has that reaction to authority figures. So, if you're probably not the only person who has that reaction to authority figures, I bet you a nickle (because I'm kinda broke) that there are therapists who are trained to deal with this kind of anxiety.

It might take some research to find someone who has the skills you need, but you can do this. Remember, blindmag, you're not alone either. Yeah, it often feels that way, and it's hard to think things through when you're feeling alone and desolate, but you are not alone. And the anxiety you feel is not your fault. It is not your fault.

When it comes to panic, I tend to flee or freeze. There are times I'm like, "Yep, gotta go RIGHT NOW!" But that's my internal monologue. Externally, I find some other reason to tell people I gotta go, but that fleeing thing can come up at pretty inopportune times.

But therapists, especially PTSD therapists (don't know if that's what's going on with you, but that's one of the things that's going on with me), have to know how to help treat this fear. I'm betting you that nickle.

Make some calls and describe your symptoms. See if there are therapists available who would be willing to meet with you for five minutes or so at first. Set a goal for how long you think you might be able to meet. Maybe it's just a handshake at first. Build up trust at your own pace.

And maybe try to think of a therapist as something other than an authority figure. Maybe you can think of one as a partner in your treatment. They are people who want to help who happen to have training that we don't have. They put their pants on one leg at a time, right?

I think you can do this. The first step is so very hard, though. Can you make some calls?

Don't stay away so long if you can help it.

Thank you so much for this wonderful gift. I'm still smiling just by thinking about you. Still smiling...

:-D

I wish I could beleve you but till I get out of this situaion theres really isnt anything I can do.

Okay, maybe you can't call today or tomorrow or next week, but try to set a date to make one call. And make two calls the next day, and build up your stamina for dealing with the (I'm guessing) fear of actually calling strangers and seeing if you can find someone who will be a good fit for you.

There are all sorts of ways we can psych (no pun intended) ourselves up to do difficult things, and as we gain more practice and experience, it does get easier.

Here's another strategy: Before you call anyone, write a script about what you'd like to say, and practice it before you make the first call. Writing a script may be very difficult at first, but it will help you distill your thoughts, and it will help you feel a little more secure when you pick up the phone. If you feel the panic coming on, you can just read from the script. You also might find that you don't need it once you're on the phone, but having it on hand might make you feel a little less uneasy.

I'm still betting you that nickle. :-)

(((((blindmag)))))



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/23/2010 08:43AM by Beth.

Beth, have you tried a female therapist? Men can be very intimidating. Sometimes it's easier to relate to someone of your own gender.

I've worked with both male and female therapists with varying degrees of success. For me, the gender of the therapist is irrelevant. I've been told that I'm intimidating (something I'm working on), and the intimidation thing from my end sometimes stymies communication with many folks in my life. I also come across (or am) hostile at times. I'm working on it! ;-) But my whateveritis sometimes screws up my relationship with therapists.

The thing that matters most to me with a therapist is that they take my issues seriously. I've found that to be a problem with some psychiatrists who also use talk therapy as a tool. Many think that because I'm "high functioning" (again, I laugh -- I mean, if I were high functioning, would I even be seeking talk therapy?), my issues are more related to some chemical imbalance in my brain rather than to experiences I've had. Often these doctors want to manage me with meds alone, and my talk therapy sessions end up being more like med checks and chats.

Another thing I value in a good therapist is that s/he keeps me honest. By "honest" I mean that when we get to a crappy place in therapy, s/he doesn't let me off the hook when I become resistant to talking about certain things. Not that s/he pushes me too hard, but that s/he recognizes that I'm becoming evasive or somehow trying to avoid addressing certain things.

I had one therapist who said that in order for therapy to work, "you have to cross the threshold of pain." That's really not something most people want to do. At that time (I was 18), I thought therapy meant that I went and said, "Explain this, explain that, and tell me how to feel better." That's not how it works, unfortunately. I quickly dropped out of therapy because I wasn't able to cross that threshold at that point of my life.

The sad thing is that I subconsciously cross that threshold everyday without realizing it, and I really wish I'd stayed in therapy when I was 18. But I'm there now. And I'm willing to work rather than expect a therapist to "fix" me by telling me what to do and how to live my life. I've received helpful guidance and information, but no one is going to give me "the answers" because I either have to arrive at them myself, or the answers don't exist.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 11/23/2010 09:17AM by Beth.

For three and a half decades, I was 'brainwashed' person who experienced bad headaches, mental 'lockup', and other symptoms associated with PTSD caused by cultic Mormonism, my manic-depressive, volatile, addicted-to-control TBM mother, and my chronically angry non-Mormon father. Like so many people raised in cultic Mo-ism, I avoided confrontation at all costs and didn't know how to handle myself in a conflict situation. That has all changed.

Normal, psychologically healthy people (they have good self-esteem!) stand up for themselves and aren't overcome by fear when circumstances require them to 'do battle' in order to protect themselves or their loved ones - physically, psychologically, or emotionally.

Latter-day Saints, on the otherhand, typically get very anxious when conflict arises and avoid it like the plague when they are in a 'lower' position. When in authority positions (e.g., as parents and church leaders), many of them become over-controlling and abusive, if only verbally.

How often have there been posts about visiting GA's lambasting members or LDS missionaries for not doing enough? The 'sheeple' sit there and take the BS. What's needed is for a congregation member to yell out "FUCK YOU, MORON!" But you won't hear that because of how Latter-day Saints have been 'programmed'.

Is it possible, through counseling and/or hypnotherapy, for example, to get 're-programmed' so that a person feels basically OK with conflict and confrontation? Yes.

When all factors of each individual's healing/recovery path are considered, each one is unique. However, wholeness is the common destination.

Processing repressed emotions like anger, which Mormonism didn't allow us to experience because it was 'bad', is just one of a no. of elements of the healing process of many people leaving the chronically dishonest, patriarchal and abusive LDS Church.

Working through family-of-origin issues, including more subtle manipulation/coercion as well as overt abuse in so many LDS families, has been an important part of the healing journey of many ex-Mormons.

As one's self-esteem heals, one finds that one can handle conflict and confrontation better, one step at a time. If a person is committed to fully healing and maturing psychologically, there comes a point where they know within themselves that they can engage in conflict - even to defend themselves physically, if necessary - with strong confidence. At that point, there is no fear of confrontation. We can be a 'tiger', if the situation calls for it because we've transformed and empowered ourselves.

"wholeness is the common destination"

Indeed.

And we'll get there. One of the problems I have is that sometimes I feel like I've made so much progress, and then something snaps me back. It feels like two steps forward and three steps back. But what's really happening is two steps forward, what seems like three steps back followed by six or seven steps forward.

It's tough, but like you wrote, "wholeness is the common destination."