Posted by:
CA girl
(
)
Date: January 26, 2012 02:09AM
My sister has an undergraduate degree in family counselling. (Her graduate degree took her another way with her career). But even though she isn't a practicing counselor, there is a HUGE difference between telling her my problems and telling one of my best friends. The calm tone of her voice, the sort of questions she asks, the non-judgmental tone of her comments ... all leading me to think things through for myself. You can tell she's been trained, at least a little.
Compare this to a bishop who feels he's been chosen to be a judge in Israel with Jesus. To a bishop who thinks his word is law and listening to him is like listening to a commandment from God. Now some bishops take this very seriously and become better people. Others let it go to their heads and become arrogant jackwagons. But in both cases, they don't have counselling experience to really help the members. They only have their gut feelings, which they believe is God telling them what to do. Their behavior is only marginally monitored by the higher ups in the stake, who usually side with the bishop if there are any problems. They receive little training and are hugely influenced by their own personal opinion. For example, in my sister's ward boys with long hair are allowed to pass the sacrament because in her bishop's opinion, the boy is more important than the letter of the law. In my husband's ward, the bishop is extremely appearance oriented and would never allow that. This bishop chewed out parents during one whole Sunday School about their bad example, wearing non-white shirts to church, not being modest enough, listening to rock music, reading Twilight. It was a harangue. Now imagine each of these men taking your children alone into a room to decide if they are worthy children. One would obviously do better than the other, IMO, but you have no SAY in which man is allowed access to your child. You have to go to church where you are assigned and take the leader forced upon you. And let him have your child, alone in a room, without supervision. Twice a year, is the recommended number of times children should be so interviewed in Mormonism.
And while the content of the interview is loosely prescribed in the church handbook for leaders, so much is left alone to the bishop's discretion. Some bishops won't ask a 12 year old if he masturbates and will simply ask if they are morally clean. Other ex-Mormons have reported that the first learned about masturbation from a bishop who asked if they practiced it then explained what it was when the child didn't know. Remember, these are men who are called to serve in this position for approximately five years. No counselling training, no pastoral training, usually no religious degree of any kind. Our last three bishops have been a man who held a middle management position at a national chain headquarters, a movie producer and an investment banker. All who would have the chance twice a year to interview my 12 and 15 year olds and ask them about masturbation, if they chose to. Alone in a room without me present - if I believed in Mormonism that is, and allowed such a violation. Furthermore, the current bishop assured my son back when he was 12 that anything my son told him would be held in the strictest confidence. The bishop promised my son he wouldn't even tell his parents what they talked about in bishop's worthiness interviews. And he said this right in front of my husband and I. Fortunately, we left the church shortly after this for other reasons, so the bishop never got the chance to hijack our parental rights that way.
And finally, what if you get a freak show bishop like my sister-in-law has? She was a single mom of a teenage son until she remarried about a year and a half ago. That teenage son, her son, masturbates. I know this because SIL herself told me this story. My nephew confessed to the bishop, who forbid him to take the sacrament, so nephew was embarrassed publicly. He wasn't allowed to pass the sacrament, which is assigned to boys his age in Mormonism. He wasn't allowed to advance to the next level of priesthood like all his friends because of this. Worst of all, the bishop interviewed my nephew at least once a month about his private sexual practices. When my nephew inevitably messed up and went back to masturbating, the bishop wanted to know. At one point, this middle aged businessman was having my nephew text him daily to reassure the bishop that he hadn't played with himself that day. Finally, even my fanatically Mormon sister-in-law got tired of her son being publicly embarrassed and stayed home from church until the bishop caved in and let my nephew advance in the priesthood. But then she went back to church and continued to let this inexperience leader "help" her son with his "problem".
And that is why bishop interviews are rightly termed as "craziness".