...there aren't any "miracles" nowadays such as those that appear in the Bible and BOM?

Apparently God put a moratorium on things like parting the Red Sea, and killing first born male children unless they paint lamb's blood on the doorframe, and junk like that.

I dunno. I guess maybe there ARE modern-day miracles. For example, we have string cheese, penicillin and douche, just to name a few, but while I love string cheese, penicillin and douche, they don't seem quite as grand as the parting of a sea or turning water into wine. If I could do that, I'd be drunk pretty much 24 hours a day, I'm sure.

Yeah.

I don't know, I think Burning Man is a lot cooler than Abraham's burning bush.

but unless there's a story I am unaware of, it was Moses that saw the burning bush.

The miracle of Abraham was that he wrote on a papyrus with his own hand thousands of years ago and it just happened to make it's way to Kirtand OH and Joseph Smith. Or perhaps the real miracle is that LDS still believe the BoA is what Smith claimed it to be.

Not that it matters. It's all myth in my opinion.

For instance, I no longer CLEAN my house, I DOUCHE my house, simply because saying it that way seems to make the task seem less arduous.

Or, "Mary, you really need to douche that makeup off your face, you look like Joan Crawford."

Or, "It was high time that Peter douched his cat's litterbox"

Or, "After I go to the bathroom, I douche my hands in the sink and use foaming hand douche to make sure all the bacteria is douched off my hands."

Or, "Wow, this douche is springtime fresh."

It's so versatile!

You could also use it as an adjective!

"Honey, where are the douche bags? The garbage is overflowing."

Because I love to douche myself and anything else that needs douching as well.

Sometimes I even act like a douche to help the things that need douching get douched when I don't have a doucher.

And there's nothing douchey about being a douche when one's douche is douche douche. Douche.

GayLayAle Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> And there's nothing douchey about being a douche
> when one's douche is douche douche. Douche.


This made me think of a time DH got in trouble as a child.

He was outside playing Army with his friends and his mother heard him. His rocket-launcher sound effect was Douche! Douche! Douche!

Douching has been around for centuries.

Or commercials that made for awkward moments when going through puberty. :D

"Oh, no. No. There must be something wrong with you."

LOL...That bit was running through my mind when I posted.

We can start with...

Sucking all the excess CO2 out of the atmosphere - and not just sitting around until some scientist figures out and coping the credit.

There are still miracles!

But they have changed. Like finding lost keys. Being broke and getting a raise. You know. Stuff that couldn't possibly happen without deeeeeee-VINE intervention.

Where do you think all this wonderful technology to help spread the godspew comes from? Satellites, computers, lasers for data storage and even plastic for wheat stowage -- all inspired to proclaim the godspew, save the dead and perfect them saints!

Miracles abound because god inspires science!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2010 05:15PM by Jesus Smith.

Miracle vaginas??? I've never heard of such a thing. Well smack the pig and call her LaWanda.

Sorry, it's a take from an old movie called "But there is a santa claus, Virginia!"

santa-claus = miracles. Same diff.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2010 05:27PM by Jesus Smith.

This is just crazy talk.

Yeah, I think playboy did a christmas special with photos. Kind of changes the old "Come sit on my lap" joke. And the one about S.C. kissing mommy...

First, that song was already kind of pornographic. If I had ever caught my mom snogging with some fat old hairy man, I certainly wouldn't sing a song about it.

Furthermore, in the context of this thread, Mommy would be a giant lesbian.

...my mom's name was Virginia.

Mommy had a C-section to get me out. Not that vaginas are a problem per se, I just do my best to keep my face and nether regions away from them.

But women, your flowers are lovely, I'm sure.

ok, as a Christian 'fanatic', I think that now you're just getting mean . . . but RFLMAO!!!!

Thanks, Mikey!

Timothy